


Chat Name: Fuck You All

by Faultier



Series: Normal Life AU? [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack Fic, Supposed to be funny, Texting, disclaimer: dean and cas are not together at the start, everyonee roasts aeveryone, for some reason sam keeps eating mac n cheese, gabe and meg are bi and proud of it, gabe gets roasted too, he needs to lay off the mac n cheese, its fun, sam gets roasted in the first chapter if that makes you guys wanna read it, sams lonely, the novas have a big roast fest, theres a lot of joking tho about them being together, they'll get together in later chapters I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-31 13:39:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6472153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faultier/pseuds/Faultier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Winchester regrets that all his friends are his older brother's friends. That means, now that they've all just graduated they're all leaving to go to college. All of them are also going to colleges in the same area which just annoys Sam further as he stews in his (still) short 14 year old body in Kansas while all of them are running around freaking New York  and Living Life™ and all that.<br/>So he decides he's going to create his very own chat group on Skype so that he can continually yell at them. It doesn't go very well though.<br/>[ Excerpt:<br/>BigMoose: OH GOD<br/>BigMoose: OHM YGOD<br/>LittleMoose: Dean don’t do it.<br/>BigMoose: SAMS GOT TAMPONS SHOVED UP HIS NOSE<br/>LittleMoose: oh my god.<br/>TheInnocentNovak: It is true. Tampons are very good for stopping nosebleeds. <br/>JoJo: Congrats Sam you’ve lost your tampon virginity ]<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sam is Smol and Angry

**Author's Note:**

> For the screen names:  
> LittleMoose: Sam  
> BigMoose: Dean  
> Nerd: Charlie  
> JoJo: Jo  
> TheBestLookingNovak: Gabriel  
> TheInnocentNovak: Castiel  
> #1Trash: Meg (during Chapter 1)  
> Masters: Meg (Rest of the series)
> 
> for an explanation about Sam and Dean's usernames: Sam's only 14 and he's smol and Dean's currently towering over basically everyone atm so he's a big moose.  
> 

**LittleMoose entered BigMoose, Nerd, JoJo, TheBestLookingNovak, TheInnocentNovak, and #1Trash.**

**LittleMoose named this group “Fuck You All”**

**TheBestLookingNovak:** alright samantha did u call us all here to tell us u want to fuck us cause idk im in to some kinky shit but i dont wanna see u and dean together like that.

**LittleMoose:** You’re all leaving me to go to college I hate you all

**BigMoose:** Sammy calm yourself I’m two feet away from you

**TheInnocentNovak:** Why are you two screaming up there I just went down to grab a water. 

**#1Trash:** Gabriel what the fuck did you do to my screen name?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Changed it duh.

**TheInnocentNovak:** Guys I might need back-up Sam chucked his water bottle at Dean and now they’re wrestling each other. 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** just sit on top of them until they stop 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** sit on sam hes shorter.

**JoJo:** Sam ur so needy

**LittleMoose:** THANK YOU GABRIEL FOR MAKING CAS NEARLY SUFFOCATE ME

**TheBestLookingNovak:** No problem shortie

**LittleMoose:** ANYWAY LETS GET BACK TO THE PROBLEM AT HAND.

**LittleMoose:** YOU GUYS ARE ALL L E A V I N G ME!

**Nerd:** Sam don’t worry I’m gonna miss you

**#1Trash:** Maybe ya should have made friends with people your own age moron

**LittleMoose:** you’re*****

**#1Trash:** I suddenly remember why you don’t have any friends outside of your brother’s friends

**TheBestLookingNovak:** OOOOOOOOO BURRNNNNNN

**BigMoose:** Sam she’s right make friends with people your own age

**TheInnocentNovak:** Sam would you like my cold water bottle for that burn

**TheBestLookingNovak:** GUYS GUYS LOOK! MY LIL BROTHER IS MAKING A JOKE!

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m four months younger than you.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** they grow up so fast :’)

**LittleMoose:** Lmao I hate you all why am I friends with you

**#1Trash** ** _:_** I thought I established that already wtf sam keep up

**LittleMoose:** Fuck off.

**TheInnocentNovak:** For those that aren’t here, Dean threw his water bottle at Sam. It hit him right in the face and now his nose is bleeding

**LittleMoose:** I hate everything rn guys

**BigMoose:** Say sorry

**LittleMoose:** I hope you broke my fucking nose so I can tell mom

**TheBestLookingNovak:** CASSIE!! ITS BEEN A LONG TIME WHAT HAPPENED??? NARRATE FOR US???

**#1Trash:** Whats even going on anymore

**JoJo:** Guys stop texting I have work to do. Drunk guys to kick out.

**Nerd:** And I have a game to play but you don’t see me complaining Jo?

**JoJo:** You wanna fucking go Charlie?

**Nerd:** No please don’t I’m too smol

**JoJo:** Exactly

**TheInnocentNovak:** Sorry guys, lots of shit went down. Dean was begging Sam not to tell Mary and Sam threw his bloody tissue at Dean and then Dean got on his knees to beg Sam not to tell Mary. And then Mary came home.

**BigMoose:** I DIDNT BEG STOP LYING YOUR SO FAKE

**LittleMoose:** you’re****

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’M TELLING THE STORY HOW IT IS DEAN SHUT UP NOBODY SPEAK UNTIL I AM DONE

**TheInnocentNovak:** Alright, so. Yeah Mary came home and they ran down stairs and I followed. Mary was all “Sam what happened to your nose? Why are you bleeding munchkin?” And Dean was like “I was just asking him that Mom!!! Sammy who do I have to beat up??” And Sam almost said Dean, and then decided to instead say that he ran into the door. I’ve never seen Dean with so much fear in his eyes. It was intense. And a little pathetic.

**Nerd:** Dean you punk

**LittleMoose:** Next time you ask me for help on your math homework Dean just remember this

**BigMoose:** I’m not gonna have any math classes in college suck it.

**LittleMoose:** Whatever.. Just remember

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Damn Dean you almost got your dick cut off

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Then what would Cas have to play with

**TheInnocentNovak:** Gabriel what are you saying?

**Nerd:** Cas ur too innocent for these jokes

**Nerd:** Imma beat up Gabe now for that one

**TheBestLookingNovak:** U wanna go Charlie????? U wanna fucking go???

**Nerd:** yEAH AS SOON AS U GET UR FUCKING ASS OFF THE DAMN COUCH AND PULL THE TWENTY HALF EATEN LOLLIPOPS OFF URSELF THEN WE CAN FUCKING FIGHT WHILE U TRYNA GET THE FUCKING BUBBLEGUM OUTTA UR HAIR 

**Nerd:** CHECK URSELF B4 U WRECK URSELF

**BigMoose:** OOOH DAMN CHARLIE IS ROASTIN GABE TODAY

**JoJo:** Id yell at yall again for talking so much but damn Gabe u gonna go lick ur wounds or nah son

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Charlie have mercy on me

**Nerd:** suck me 

**Nerd:** kidding if you come near me i have a bat ready

**LittleMoose:** See fuck you all I’m not gonna be able to watch you guys roast each other I’m gonna be alone

**LittleMoose:** Dean what if dad wants to do any father son bonding time

**BigMoose:** Nah he did that with me cause he thought he had to cause grandpa sam said I wasnt “man” enough remember?

**Nerd:** Lets kick grandpa sam in the balls im ready to fight

**JoJo:** Charlie no you aren’t

**Nerd:** Shit u right 

**BigMoose:** I mean you can still try but hes kinda dead. 

**LittleMoose:** MY NOSE IS STILL BLEEDING DEANWAHAT IF I DIAE?? IM ONLT 14 DEAN I CANT DIE I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR 

**BigMoose:** You wont die

**BigMoose:** If you died mom would go to hell herself and bring you back

**LittleMoose:** Wtf Dean why am I in HELL?

**BigMoose:** it suits you

**BigMoose:** you and satan would probably be like bffs or something

**LittleMoose:** I can still go down and tell mom what happened

**TheInnocentNovak:** FYI Dean’s getting more tissues and asking Mary for advice on bloody noses

**#1Trash:** Holy shit did I miss a gabe roast session???

**JoJo:** Yeah and Dean being a whimp

**BigMoose:** stfu

**#1Trash:** I’d just like to fucking rip Gabe bc i cant figure out how to change my username like wtf gabe sleep with an eye open

**JoJo:** Meg come over to the bar I’ll show you how to 

**#1Trash:** At least someone’s on my side…

**BigMoose:** OH GOD

**BigMoose:** OHM YGOD

**LittleMoose:** Dean don’t do it.

**BigMoose:** SAMS GOT TAMPONS SHOVED UP HIS NOSE

**LittleMoose:** oh my god.

**TheInnocentNovak:** It is true. Tampons are very good for stopping nosebleeds. 

**JoJo:** Congrats Sam you’ve lost your tampon virginity

**#1Trash:** Someone please take a picture I wanna show Sam’s future significant others

**BigMoose:** I would but I also don’t want him to tell mom so…

**TheInnocentNovak uploaded [image]**

**TheBestLookingNovak:** OHMY GOD SAMANTHA

**LittleMoose:** CAS YOU BETRAYED ME

**TheBestLookingNovak:** YOU LOOK SO ANGRY SAM

**Nerd:** OHMYGOD I’M SAVING THAT

**#1Trash:** Definitely adding that to the Sam memoirs

**LittleMoose:** Please don’t…

**BigMoose:** Aweee Sammy’s first tampon

**BigMoose:** I’m sorry I’m sorry

**#1Trash:** Honestly one day lets just sit down and remember Sam as a child

**JoJo:** I remember when he was five and he followed us into our walk in the woods and got lost

**BigMoose:** I remember mom yelling at me a lot I think she whacked me a couple times too

**Nerd:** I remember when we found him he had peed his pants and Dean had to carry him out

**LittleMoose:** STOP IT STOP IT NO NO THE REPRESSED MEMORIES

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Remember when he was 8 and he tried to talk to a girl but instead he tripped and cried in front of her

**LittleMoose:** I HATE YOU ALL AND I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL

**Nerd:** Remember The Incident

**BigMoose:** NO

**LittleMoose:** STOP IT

**LittleMoose has left the conversation**

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

**TheInnocentNovak:** They’re both hyperventilating how do I explain this to Mary?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Remind her of The Incident

**TheInnocentNovak:** On it. I’m coming home for dinner by the way.

**JoJo:** Thank god. I have drunk guys to yell at bye

**Nerd:** I have stuff to do

**#1Trash:** I don’t have anything to do shit.

**#1Trash:** I’m coming to you Jo.

**JoJo:** Awesome 


	2. Dean's Such A Dweeb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds out that Dean's a dweeb

**Nerd added BigMoose and LittleMoose to group “Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** Come back I’m bored.

**BigMoose:** Why

**Nerd:** I’m boooooored

**LittleMoose:** I can’t believe yall are leaving me in like four days

**LittleMoose:** And yall are gonna take a couple cars together

**LittleMoose:** And just leave me here

**BigMoose:** Shut up you baby

**LittleMoose:** YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK MY NOSE STILL HURTS A LITTLE DEAN

**BigMoose:** Shut up you baby

**BigMoose:** Mom isn’t home 

**JoJo:** Why the fuck do all of you guys gotta text when i am WORKING

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Because we hate you and want you to Suffer™

**JoJo:** Hows ur burns from last week Gabe wanna get burned again fucker?

**TheInnocentNovak:** Why are you using the trademark symbol Gabe?

**BigMoose:** Because he thinks he is Cool™ but he’s not cool

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I’ll tell Michael ur tryna fuck Cassie, Dean. 

**BigMoose:** Why does everyone think I wanna fuck Cas

**BigMoose:** He’s my best bud

**BigMoose:** Pal

**TheInnocentNovak:** Michael wouldn’t care anyway Gabe

**TheBestLookingNovak:** You didn’t see what happened to that guy from last year who took pictures of you in the locker room

**LittleMoose:** Dean aren’t those the pictures you keep under your pillow?

**BigMoose:** No

**LittleMoose:** You sure?

**BigMoose:** Positive wanna know why?

**LittleMoose:** Yes.

**BigMoose:** Come over to my bed I’ll show you.

**TheInnocentNovak:** Wait what happened to that guy?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Let’s just say he aint having kids

**Masters:** Nice Michael

**Masters:** Gonna ask him to give me tips

**TheInnocentNovak:** Poor guy

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Cas??? He had nearly naked pictures of you??? And he posted them on the internet???

**TheInnocentNovak:** I mean you do have a point.

**LittleMoose:** OHH MY GOD GUYS

**BigMoose:** SAM YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL

**Masters:** HOLY FUCK SAM WHAT DOES HE KEEP UNDER HIS PILLOW

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Goddammit Cas isn’t even there to narrate what’s going on

**Nerd:** COME THROUGH FOR US SAM TELL US

**LittleMoose:** DEAN HAS A PIC OF SOVDISKDKDSA

**LittleMoose:** SOKDKSGHDSL

**Nerd:** SAM

**Masters:** DEAN STOP ASSAULTING YOUR BROTHER

**TheBestLookingNovak:** SHIT FUCK SAM COME ON YOU CAN DO IT

**LittleMoose:** HE HAS A PICTURE OF FUCKING SOKKA FROM AVATAR UNDER HIS PILLOW AND I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM SEND H E L P.

**Masters:** DEAN WHAT THE FUCK

**TheBestLookingNovak:** DEAN HOW??

**TheInnocentNovak:** Why 

**BigMoose:** Sam as soon as you come out of that bathroom you are dead 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** DEAN Y. Y U DO DIS?

**BigMoose:** I wanted to remember Sokka every morning

**BigMoose:** He just had a tough life yanno?

**BigMoose:** everyone around him could bend stuff and he was just

**BigMoose:** Sokka

**BigMoose:** But he made it

**BigMoose:** He proved everyone that he could kick ass too

**LittleMoose:** DEAN YOU ARE A DWEEB 

**TheInnocentNovak:** That is, what’s the word? Kinda pathetic dean.

**Nerd:** LMAO DEANS SUCH A LOSER

**JoJo:** I can’t believe I read that with my own two eyes Dean Winchester after work I’m coming over to personally call you a dweeb

**Masters:** I can’t 

**Masters:** How does one even respond to that like 

**Masters:** Oh my god Dean

**BigMoose:** Leave me alone I hate you all 

**LittleMoose:** No

**LittleMoose:** Wait but someone wanna seriously help me I’m gonna get hungry and I can hear Dean on the other side of the door.

**BigMoose:** No. Nobody help him.

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’ll come help you Sam

**LittleMoose:** Thanks Cas you’re the best

**BigMoose:** Castiel if you come over here you can say good fucking by to your eyebrows

**TheInnocentNovak:** How would you get to my eyebrows?

**BigMoose:** Do you wanna find out?

**TheInnocentNovak:** no

**LittleMoose:** NO CAS HELP

**Masters:** Dean let your brother go or I’ll come over and kick you in the balls

**BigMoose:** Yeah alright.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Meg go over please and record it

**Nerd:** I wanna see that wtf

**JoJo:** If nobody records Meg kicking Dean’s ass I’m never talking to yall again

**LittleMoose:** Fuck Dean you better let me out

**BigMoose:** Why do you say fuck so much Sam you’re too young to curse

**LittleMoose:** I’m fourteen Dean let me live.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lmao losers

**LittleMoose:** You wanna go Gabe?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Yeah shortie lets go I’ll take you out.

**LittleMoose:** How? By touching me with your gross sticky hands?

**LittleMoose:** Okay I gotta admit if you did that I would die

**LittleMoose:** Come near me with those and I’ll be ready with a bat

**TheBestLookingNovak:** They’re not always sticky…

**LittleMoose:** Tru. Only after you eat candy bars obnoxiously in our home.

**BigMoose:** Damn sammy that’s like all the time

**LittleMoose:** excatly

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m sorry sam I just can’t risk my eyebrows. You don’t know what it’s like to have no eyebrows your hair would cover the bare skin

**BigMoose:** Sammy you need a haircut

**LittleMoose:** Nah I’m good

**Nerd:** Yeah no let Sam keep his hair long

**Nerd:** It was scary when you put Nair in his shampoo Dean, I don’t wanna see his bald head again

**LittleMoose:** Thanks for the support Charlie

**Nerd:** No problem 

**JoJo:** Guys its been a while since anyone has said anything it’s been like ten minutes whats going on

**Nerd:** HOLY FUCK I CAN HEAR DEAN SCREAMING FROM MY HOUSE OOOOOOOO BOY

**Nerd:** DEAN IS GETTING HIS ASS WHIPPED BY MEG IM COMING OVER

**LittleMoose:** IM CRYING MEG MY SAVIOR

**TheBestLookingNovak:** JESUS CHRIST SOMONE RECORD IT

**TheInnocentNovak:** -no comment-

**TheBestLookingNovak:** if you stand for nothing cas what’ll you fall for

**TheInnocentNovak:** do not quote Hamilton to me Gabriel Novak you know how disappointed I was that I did not win the lotto the other day and I will cripple you

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Damn k then lil bro

**LittleMoose:** DEANS SCREAMING STILL IM CRYING HES BEGGING HE SBEGGIN G

**Nerd:** IM HERE AT THE HOUSE THE SCREAMING GETS LOUDER AS YOU GET CLOSER

**Nerd:** HOLY FUCK MEGS LITERALLY JUST KICKING HIM IN THE SHINS 

**Nerd:** DEAN IS THE WEAK LINK WE MUST CUT HIM OFF TO SURVIVE

**TheBestLookingNovak:** sheesh Dean all that screaming over being kicked in the shins how loud are you in the sheets with Cas 

**LittleMoose:** GABE STOP MAKING SEX JOKES ABOUT OUR BROTHERS I AM #DISTURBED

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Cmon Sam are you really that disturbed over this? What about that one time…

**LittleMoose:** Bring it up again and I s2g Gabe I’ll tell you what a little birdy heard you mumbling in your sleep

**LittleMoose:** Or should I say…

**TheBestLookingNovak:** dONT

**LittleMoose:** moaning

**TheBestLookingNovak:** goDDAMMIT CASSIE 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** SHOULD I TELL EVERYONE WHAT I HEARD YOU MOANING IN YOUR SLEEP TOO CASSIE?

**TheInnocentNovak:** Why would I be moaning in my sleep was I hurt?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** just keep playing the innocent card cas… your time will fucking come

**LittleMoose:** IM OUT #BLESSED

**LittleMoose:** Dean is crying in his bed what a dweeb

**BigMoose:** Leave me alone my shins hurt

**Masters:** Jfc everyone makes it seem like I was harsher to him than I really was

**Masters:** I kicked you in the shins like eight times I didn’t whoop your ass

**Masters:** Why would I slap your ass when I know you’d enjoy it

**LittleMoose:** #thingsaboutmybrotherididntwannaknow

**Nerd:** LMAO Dean’s just groaning from his bed

**JoJo:** goddammit why cant you guys do this shit when im not working

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lets all go over to the Winchester house and laugh at Dean and eat all their food

**LittleMoose:** We have leftover chinese food so

**TheInnocentNovak:** We’ll be there in a few as soon as Gabe can find a pair of clean pants that don’t have a mystery stain on them

**LittleMoose:** “mystery stain”

**TheBestLookingNovak:** fuck you all. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez I was gonna post this last night but didn't have time  
> Lmao I hope you guys enjoyed this  
> Leave some comments if you did


	3. We're Listening to FUCKING Hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're actually leaving and Sam ~~misses~~ hates them.

**LittleMoose changed the chat name to “I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY LEFT”**

**Masters:** Stop changing the chat name wtf Sam

**TheInnocentNovak:** We literally just left two seconds ago

**LittleMoose:** Tell Dean that dad said not to mess up the car

**TheInnocentNovak:** I reiterate, we just left two seconds ago

**LittleMoose:** I know but he looks like he’s gonna hyperventilate so I thought I’d remind you guys not to fuck up the impala

**TheBestLookingNovak:** You kidding me? Dean’s not gonna mess that thing up trust me.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Jo on the other hand, idk if our car is gonna make it to New York or not

**Nerd:** You’re not here Sam but Jo just reached over to smack Gabe in the back of the head 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Why the fuck did you have to read that message out loud

**Nerd:** gotta have a sisters back

**TheInnocentNovak:** Sam, Dean says to tell John that everyone is okay

**LittleMoose:** He says obviously not if we’re all texting

**TheBestLookingNovak:** tf John we’re good the drivers aren’t texting

**Masters:** Real talk: Lets talk about how much of a baby Sam is that he can’t survive three seconds without us

**Nerd:** Sammy I miss you

**LittleMoose:** At least someone misses me jfc

**TheInnocentNovak:** Sam I’ll miss you

**LittleMoose:** Thanks Cas I’ll miss you too

**Master:** I’ll miss that you wont be the shortest in our crew anymore.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I’ll miss watching you try to beat up Dean

**TheBestLookingNovak:** But you’re a weakling 

**LittleMoose:** At least I don’t have fucking candy stuck to me all the time bitch

**Nerd:** oof I felt that one 

**Nerd:** Jo’s cackling

**Masters:** Dean too lmao

**Masters:** JFC Gabriel convince your brother we don’t need to listen to fucking Hamilton the whole way there

**TheInnocentNovak:** WHO IS SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT MEG??? ME??

**TheInnocentNovak:** DEAN LIKES ME MORE 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lmao you guys are gonna cry over Founding Fuckbois™ I guarentee

**Nerd:** Lmao have fun Meg and Dean

**Masters:** DEAN WONT HELP ME

**Masters:** Just remember Cas, he wouldn’t agree to this if he didn’t wanna fuck you

**LittleMoose:** STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP PLEASE I OONT

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Okay sorry Sam but its so true it hurts

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Watch them end up getting an apartment together after first year

**Masters:** Shit he’s fucking singing

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Cas open the window and sing see if we can hear you

**Nerd:** BOY HE BOUTTA DO IT

**TheBestLookingNovak:** LMAO IMMA RECORD IT FOR YOU SAMMY

**LittleMoose:** thank you for keeping me in the loop buddy

**TheInnocentNovak:** WE ARE GONNA LISTEN TO THIS WHOLE DAMN MUSICAL 

**Masters:** STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT DEANS FUCKIGN HUMMING TO IT

**Masters:** KILL ME KILL ME SLIT MY THROAT FLING MY BODY OFF A FUCKIGN CLIFF I WNAT DEATH

**Masters:** I DONT WNANA KNOW WHY CASSIE CRIES ABOUT THIS STUPID FUCKING MUSICAL I DO NT

**LittleMoose:** Lmao you bout to learn

**Nerd:** im crying Cas we can all hear you back here Jo’s cackling again

**LittleMoose:** Fuck mom is giving me your chores Dean I hate you

**LittleMoose:** Now I gotta go don’t do anything fun without me

**Masters:** take me wITH YOU SAM

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lmao I’m not even surprised that Cassie did that guys he’s so fucking far up Alexander Hamilton’s ass

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m reading The Biography and it is amazing

**Nerd:** The biography?

**TheInnocentNovak:** The Alexander Hamilton bio that Ron Chernow wrote which inspired our Lord and Savior Lin-Manuel Miranda to write this beautiful musical 

**Masters:** dMNA fucking Cas can rap what the fuck

**Masters:** Wait did that guy just say he fucks horses

**TheInnocentNovak:** It’s only a joke the Hercules Mulligans did not actually fuck horses.

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Jfc I hope he didn’t

**Masters:** ~RAPPING INTENSIFIES~

**Masters:** Dean’s trying to keep up and its actually pathetic

**Masters:** when are we gonna stop for lunch

**TheInnocentNovak:** When Act 1 finishes 

**Masters:** K then does Charlie wanna switch cars with me

**Nerd:** wtf no you are on your own girl

**Masters:** what the fuck happened to “gotta have my sisters back”

**Nerd:** That was with Jo 

**Nerd:** Not you

**Masters:** Bitch we are rooming together you really wanna pull that shit now

**Nerd:** We’re also rooming with Jo and she’s got my back 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Jfc I’m glad I’m not rooming with Cassie I need a break from you brother

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I’ve seen you all the time my whole life and now I’m only gonna see you at lunch 

**TheInnocentNovak:** Stop FUCKING interrupting Hamilton

**Masters:** jfC HE’S GETTING LOUDER

**LittleMoose:** K mom left I can relax and then panic before she gets back

**LittleMoose:** Jfc Cas you are such trash

**Masters:** k i kinda like this song girls are singing and it sounds like they’re acting better than guys im always down for this shit

**Masters:** K now Cas yelled at me for not hearing that they’re the “Skyler Sisters” this is Not Cool™

**TheInnocentNovak:** it’s Schuyler btw 

**Masters:** Fuck off or I’ll shave your head

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Damn Cassie better watch yourself Meg knows how to pick locks

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Remember how she kicked Dean in the shins a lot a few days ago

**Masters:** Dean says “Fuck yew Gabriel ‘nd fuck yer sticky hands too” 

**TheInnocentNovak:** When he sees how you typed that he’s gonna hate you

**TheInnocentNovak:** also you’re missing Hamilton roasting Samuel Seabury and I’m dissappointed in you Meg

**Masters:** I want The Death™ 

**Masters:** between Dean’s terrible singing and Cas yelling at me for not “paying attention”

**TheBestLookingNovak:** That’s literally the only thing Cas loves leave my brother alone

**TheBestLookingNovak:** We’re gonna go to the lotto on wednesday and Cassies gonna finally see this damn play guys

**TheInnocentNovak:** *musical

**TheBestLookingNovak:** yeah that

**Nerd:** Gabe, there are tears in my eyes

**LittleMoose:** That’s so heartfelt Gabe

**Masters:** Look at Gabe loving his lil bro

**TheInnocentNovak:** literally only four months younger guys

**TheBestLookingNovak:** IM GONNA MISS YOU CASSIE 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** WHOS GONNA WAKE ME UP AT THREE IN THE MORNING CRYING OVER HISTORY

**TheBestLookingNovak:** WHOS GONNA MAKE ME WASH MY LAUNDRY

**TheBestLookingNovak:** OH FUCK

**TheBestLookingNovak:** MY L A U N D R Y 

**Masters:** gabe u good

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m literally on the same campus as you Gabe

**LittleMoose:** Dean I’m gonna miss you too 

**LittleMoose:** especially the fact that I have less chores with you here

**Nerd:** AWE SAMMY IM GONNA MISS YOUR LITTLE RAGE FESTS WHENEVER DEAN DID SOMETHING

**Masters:** Damn I’m gonna miss when Sam goes off on those little love rants about Jess

**Masters:** Awe Sam promise you’ll still rant on here

**LittleMoose:** i DONT LIKE JESS 

**LittleMoose:** SHES OBNOXIOUS AND ALWAYS WAVING HER HAIR AROUND AND SO PERFECT AND BLEH 

**Masters:** I hope Jo still remembers our bet

**Nerd:** Jo says dont worry she’ll remember, and win

**Masters:** tell her she can suck my dick when I win

**Nerd:** she says you can do that for her when she wins

**TheBestLookingNovak:** All this nostalgia is making me sad can we pull over and get lunch

**TheInnocentNovak:** No Gabe we’re gonna get lunch after act one, which is over in another thirty-five minutes calm yourself 

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m gonna miss Sams rants too

**TheInnocentNovak:** Reminds me that there’s still innocence in the world

**LittleMoose:** Wtf your username is LITERALLY “the innocent novak” stfu

**TheInnocentNovak:** Maybe I should change it 

**TheInnocentNovak:** nah I’m still more innocent than you Sam

**TheInnocentNovak:** I haven’t walked in on Dean so

**LittleMoose:** FUCK OFF CASTIEL YOU ARE NOT INNOCENT YOU LITTLE TRASHY FUCKER 

**Nerd:** hoo calm down eat some ice shortie

**Masters:** Damn Sam calm yourself

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lmao remember when we were all young and hormone-y

**Nerd:** it fucking sucked

**Masters:** Lmao never going back 

**Masters:** Now Sams all hormone-y 

**Masters:** thank god we’re leaving him now 

**LittleMoose:** I hate you all burn in hell thank you and goodbye

**TheInnocentNovak:** Go drink your juicebox and eat your dino chicken nuggets Samantha

**TheBestLookingNovak:** OH DAMN 

**Nerd:** oh shit 

**Masters:** CAS IS CALLING YOU A CHILD SAM YOU JUST GONNA TAKE TAHT

**LittleMoose:** YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT

**LittleMoose:** YOU FUCKING K N O W W H A T

**LittleMoose** : CAS

**LittleMoose:** CASTIEL

**Nerd:** fuck u gonna get to the point or nah son

**LittleMoose:** I DONT HAVE SHIT ON YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK

**LittleMoose:** REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU LIKE ALMOST KISSED DEAN BUT DEAN TURNED AWAY LMAO BYE

**TheBestLookingNovak:** DETAILS SAM DETAILS WHAT THE FUCK IS TH IS IDYING

**TheInnocentNovak:** what the fuck are you even talking about SAMANTHA

**LittleMoose:** Fuck yall imma spill everything

**LittleMoose:** Remember two years ago when we all thought Gabe and Cas were moving?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Yeah but then Lucifer threw a hissy fit and we got to stay lmao #blessed

**LittleMoose:** K well when Castiel was going around and saying his goodbyes I left to get popcorn to finish watching the movie 

**TheInnocentNovak** : Sam you’re such a terrible liar 

**LittleMoose:** and when I came back they were TWO INCHES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER and DEFINITELY staring at each others lips and then I cockblocked them accidentally

**TheBestLookingNovak:** god DAMMIT Sam! They could have fucked a ton already and then we wouldn’t have to deal with all this fucking pinning 

**LittleMoose:** I WAS GONNA JUST LEAVE BUT I TRIPPED IM SORRY

**Masters:** Dean and Cas wont look at each other iTS NOT A LIE

**Masters:** THIS CONFIRMS IT DEAN AND CAS WANNA FUCK EACH OTHER

**TheInnocentNovak:** That didn’t happen, Sam’s a chronic liar remember his imaginary friend

**Nerd:** SHIT HES TRYNA INSULT SAM ITS DEFINITELY TRUE

**Masters:** he’s not even singing hAMILTON AS PASSIONATELY 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** HOLY FUCK ITS TRUE ITS TRUE

**LittleMoose:** #noragrets

**TheInnocentNovak:** Sam you’re lucky me and Dean are all the way in New York just remember that

**TheInnocentNovak:** Dean says “just wait until Thanksgiving” 

**LittleMoose:** #someragrets

**Masters:** shit lets finally stop for lunch my stomach needs food

**Nerd:** shit u right lets stop at the next rest stop

**TheBestLookingNovak:** cool then lets lock Dean and Cas in the restroom until they resolve their feelings

**Masters:** sounds like a plan

**LittleMoose:** Im going to go have some Homecooked Macaroni™ which is much better than rest stop food just fyi

**Nerd:** samantha stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I was sending parts of this to my friend and her only response was "I can tell you wrote this at 2 AM"  
> I mean parts of it I did...
> 
> Also if you haven't figured out already I'm putting so much of my Hamilton Trash™ into Castiel its hurting  
> (Literally listening to the musical as I write this, currently listening to What'd I Miss? fyi)  
> K bye buddies


	4. Clam Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes spelling mistakes  
> Sam really wants to know why Anna isn't innocent  
> Cas confesses he is Not Innocent™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh jesus fucking christ I'm listening to the Spring Awakening album again and Those You've Known came on again and I'm basically crying rn so

**Nerd:** Samantha we’re back from lunch where are you

**LittleMoose:** I’ve been waiting here for all of you to come back

**LittleMoose:** I’m lonely

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Get some fuckin friends you nerd

**Masters:** He doesn’t have any cause he’s obnoxious

**BigMoose:** I feel obligated to stand up for my little brother

**LittleMoose:** anytime now that’d be great Dean

**BigMoose:** And yet…

**TheInnocentNovak:** Guys stop being mean 

**TheInnocentNovak:** We never really let Sam leave us this is our fault

**TheInnocentNovak:** we made him this way

**JoJo:** What? No we didn’t

**BigMoose:** Oh shit I think Cas is on to something guys

**TheBestLookingNovak:** No he isn’t 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Sam literally followed us around all the time and half the time Dean had to babysit Sam anyway

**Nerd:** It’s probably half our fault half Mary’s fault but we’re not going to tell her I said that

**LittleMoose:** Mom says she doesn’t regret it because at least she always knew where I was

**Nerd:** WHAT PART OF ‘WE’RE NOT GOING TO TELL HER I SAID THAT’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND SAM

**LittleMoose:** I understood it,

**BigMoose:** jfc Charlie did you forget that Sam can’t fucking shut up when it comes to anything you tell him or nah?

**JoJo:** Lmao you did that to yourself 

**Masters:** thats your fault

**Nerd:** goddammit Sam 

**Nerd:** forget what I said about missing you Sam

**LittleMoose:** what the FUCK Charlie I’m gonna miss you

**Nerd:** WELL IM NOT GONNA MISS YOUR FUCKING LOUD MOUTH

**BigMoose:** oh shit Charlie clam down

**JoJo:** clam down

**LittleMoose:** cLAM DOWN

**TheBestLookingNovak:** clam down

**Masters:** c l a m d o w n

**BigMoose:** I hate you all and your going to hell

**TheInnocentNovak:** clam down?

**Nerd:** damn glad I didn’t do shit like that

**BigMoose:** it was a tiny mistake calm dwon 

**Nerd:** calm dwon

**LittleMoose:** tag urself im clam down

**JoJo:** im calm dwon

**TheBestLookingNovak:** im clam down

**TheInnocentNovak** : I’m calm dwon

**Nerd:** im calm dwon

**Masters:** im calm dwon

**BigMoose:** Fuck off all of you

**BigMoose:** Now me and Jo gotta drive i can finally get away from this shti bye

**LittleMoose:** shti

**Masters:** lmao Dean do you even know english or nah

**TheInnocentNovak:** Dean says to wait until Thanksgiving, Sam

**LittleMoose:** shti

**Masters:** someone wanna help me 

**Masters:** cas is like turning me

**Masters:** i like this play a little

**Nerd:** lmao thats your problem

**TheInnocentNovak:** It’s not a bad thing this musical is a beautiful beautiful thing

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lmao now I don’t have to listen to Cas crying about it at 2 am 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I’m gonna send your roommate a fruit basket k Cas

**TheInnocentNovak:** I wasn’t crying alone I think you should remember that Gabriel

**Nerd:** I mean I expect Cas to cry over things he can appreciate art

**Nerd:** But Gabe?

**Masters:** Never pegged Gabe as a crier

**LittleMoose:** lmao Gabe you dweeb

**TheBestLookingNovak:** just you fucking wait Meg your gonna be crying too

**LittleMoose:** you’re

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Sam remember when you spent two hours in front of the mirror preparing yourself to ask out that girl but instead you tripped in front of her and cried

**LittleMoose:** fuck yourself Gabe

**LittleMoose:** no wait you’d probably like that

**TheBestLookingNovak:** do it all the time actually

**LittleMoose:** #thingsididntwanttoknow

**TheInnocentNovak:** Now Gabe will have his very own roommate to scar for life

**LittleMoose:** Same with Dean

**LittleMoose:** who knows? Maybe Dean’s roommate keeps a picture of Sokka under his pillow too

**Nerd:** If his roommate does I will personally fling both of them off a cliff

**TheInnocentNovak:** Dean says he’s coming for you both

**Masters:** Shit guys these old white dudes are roasting each other

**Masters:** its actually pretty cool

**TheInnocentNovak:** “pretty cool” more like fucking awesome but alright then

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Cas stop fucking cursing it doesn’t suit you

**LittleMoose:** piss off Gabe

**TheInnocentNovak:** Thank you sam

**LittleMoose:** Guys you know who we should add to this chat?

**TheInnocentNovak:** Who Sam

**LittleMoose:** Samandriel

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Sam if you add my littlest brother and corrupt him I will cut your dick off 

**TheInnocentNovak:** What am I corrupt now?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** You’ve been corrupt since fucking sixth grade stfu I wanna keep one of us actually innocent

**Nerd added Samandriel to the conversation**

**Samandriel:** Hi everyone

**Samandriel:** Why am I here?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Look away little brother

**TheInnocentNovak:** Preserve your innocence

**Masters:** Fuckin hell Cas I’m going to murder you 

**Masters:** This fucking musical 

**Masters:** fucking

**Masters:** foudning fahters maknig me cry 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I’m going to murder you Masters

**Samandriel:** What? I already know the bad words Gabe

**Samandriel:** You say them all the time when dad isn’t home

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Shhh you’re innocent

**LittleMoose:** Gabe you can’t hurt me I didn’t add him

**TheInnocentNovak:** Charlie please tell us you’re okay

**LittleMoose:** Oh shit

**LittleMoose:** Don’t kill Charlie Gabe. She’s one of the few who still loves me

**Nerd:** im alright

**Nerd:** im holding his crusty ass fingers away from me

**Samandriel:** Oh boy is everyone okay?

**TheBestLookingNovak:** NOTHING IS OKAY SAMANDRIEL YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS CHAT AND I AM TAKING YOU OUT

**TheBestLookingNovak has removed Samandriel from the conversation**

**Nerd:** Lets roast Gabe again

**LittleMoose:** When you were Samandriel’s age I remember you hit on like half the girls in your school Gabe

**LittleMoose:** Why is he still innocent

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Listen yall corrupted Cas I needed one sibling who wasn’t corrupt

**LittleMoose:** You literally have like seven others??? 

**TheInnocentNovak:** Michael and Lucifer are both older and trust me, very corrupted

**TheInnocentNovak:** Anna is sixteen, and I know that sadly she is not innocent anymore

**TheInnocentNovak:** we only have Samandriel, we must protect him

**TheInnocentNovak:** Also Meg is crying a lot over the end of the musical and Dean is trying very hard not to cry

**LittleMoose:** Damn k then

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Unfortunately, anna has fallen

**TheBestLookingNovak:** My only sister

**Nerd:** What did she do that makes her not innocent 

**TheInnocentNovak:** Nothing that we’re going to talk about in front of young Sam

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Shit k then Cas

**LittleMoose:** WHAT???? 

**LittleMoose:** I WANNA KNOW 

**Nerd:** shit no Sam we r not discussing this with you

**TheInnocentNovak:** Yeah Dean said if we say anything to you we’re dead

**Masters:** Okay im good

**Masters:** Im fine

**Masters:** Not really but I’m here to say

**Masters:** Sam you r not ready to hear that

**Masters:** When you can grow a beard you can find out

**LittleMoose:** Shit that’s never gonna happen

**LittleMoose:** Why do yall hate me 

**Nerd:** No we r doing this bc we love you Sam

**Nerd:** and dont want you to be scarred for life

**LittleMoose:** fuck yall im leaving

**TheBestLookingNovak:** fine by me

**TheBestLookingNovak:** more fun for us

**Masters:** Cas I fucking hate you

**TheInnocentNovak:** no you dont do not lie meg

**Masters:** No I really hate you turn around and read it on my lips

**TheInnocentNovak:** appreciate this music

**Masters:** WHY

**Masters:** WHY DID HE HAVE TO FIGHT BURR

**Masters:** MEN.

**TheInnocentNovak:** Because politicians are stupid thats why Meg

**TheInnocentNovak:** if dueling was still legal like half the politicians of our age would be dead

**Nerd:** shit u right u right

**Nerd:** GUYYYYSSSSSSSS WE’RE ALMOST THEREEEEEEEE

**Nerd:** EXCITINNNNGGGGG

**Nerd:** then Gabe and Meg should probably switch cars since you guys are going to the same college 

**Masters:** fine by me

**TheInnocentNovak:** Dean doesn’t wanna do that

**TheInnocentNovak:** He says he doesn’t want to deal with me and Gabe in a car together

**Nerd:** tell Dean to suck it

**Nerd:** he will get over it

**TheBestLookingNovak:** How about we pull over at the next mcdonalds before we get into NY

**Masters:** fine by me

**Masters:** i wanna get out of this car

**Nerd:** Jo says she wants a short break from driving

**Masters:** so does Dean

**TheBestLookingNovak:** I see dem golden arches

**Nerd:** nice we’re pulling over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW if you haven't realized I've made this part of a series and i've posted two other short stories in it. Idk if the other two stories are good and I haven't gone back to edit or anything. Hope you guys enjoyed!!!


	5. Love The Paninis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butt pimples.  
> Just.  
> Butt pimples.

******LittleMoose changed the chat name to FUCK YOU ALL**

**LittleMoose:** hows college going fuckers

**BigMoose:** hows your butt pimples going fucker

**LittleMoose:** I don’t have butt pimples that’s gross

**BigMoose:** yet

**Nerd:** yet

**Nerd:** oh shit lmao we answered at the same time

**LittleMoose:** what do you mean yet???? You cant get pimples on your butt????

**Masters:** Sam just stop

**TheBestLookingNovak:** ALRIGHT SAMMY WE ARE GONNA TALK ABOUT PUBERTY NOW

**LittleMoose:** jkjkjkjk i dont wanna know jkjkjkjKJKJKJKJKJK

**TheInnocentNovak:** Don’t worry I took his phone

**TheInnocentNovak:** and Sam we haven’t started college yet officially. 

**JoJo:** Yeah we’ve just moved in to our dorms and such

**BigMoose:** I dunno if my roommate likes me i don’t know his name either

**TheInnocentNovak:** mine is kinda…. Attractive

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Shit watch out Dean you might loose Cas

**TheBestLookingNovak:** also I got my phone back

**LittleMoose:** unfortunately 

**BigMoose:** Gabe shut up

**BigMoose:** so whats ur roommates name Cas?

**TheInnocentNovak:** Jimmy I think. I don’t know his last name

**TheInnocentNovak:** I took a picture of him though when he was not looking, here

**TheInnocentNovak sent [image]**

**Nerd:** IM DYING

**Nerd:** CAS HE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU

**Masters:** turns out Cas gets turned on by himself

**TheInnocentNovak:** What? No he doesn’t

**TheInnocentNovak:** what’s ‘turned on’ what am I a computer now?

**BigMoose:** shut up cas you know what that means

**JoJo:** Jealousy isn’t a great color on you Dean

**BigMoose:** leave me alone

**LittleMoose:** IM HOWLING

**TheBestLookingNovak:** CRYING DEAN IS POUTING DEAN WINCHESTER IS P O U T I N G

**BigMoose:** I hate all of you and hope you burn in hell

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m so confused right now

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Lets go out to lunch so the girls can see that deans pouting

**TheBestLookingNovak:** its rlly entertaining

**BigMoose:** no im going back to my dorm

**Nerd:** Alright lmao lets meet up at that rlly small resturaunt 

**LittleMoose:** *restaurant

**Nerd:** fuck off

**LittleMoose:** wait I just noticed something

**LittleMoose:** where is meg

**JoJo:** she went to go bargain on a couch we need a couch

**LittleMoose:** nice so when I visit I have a place to stay

**Masters:** lmao back we’re getting the couch for 45

**Nerd:** NOICE NOICE

**Masters:** and lmao no Sam go stay with ur bro

**BigMoose:** no Sam stay with Charlie she likes you

**Nerd:** we can binge watch Game of Thrones

**LittleMoose:** how tf did you get a couch for 45

**Masters:** well for one its kinda beaten up a little bit

**Masters:** so I got the guy down from 200 to 150

**LittleMoose:** how tf did you get it down to 45

**Masters:** dont worry your little head about it kid

**TheBestLookingNovak:** damn meg u bangin dudes

**Masters:** nah i was wolfing him

**BigMoose:** STOP MEG

**Nerd:** OHM YGOD 

**JoJo:** please tell me it wasn’t on the fucking couch

**TheInnocentNovak:** Meg please don’t

**LittleMoose:** whats wolfing?

**Masters:** I WAS KIDDING I DIDNT

**BigMoose:** NOTHING THAT YOU ARE EVER DOING OR EVER HAVING DONE TO YOU SAM

**TheBestLookingNovak:** okay im back from dying

**TheInnocentNovak:** He was rolling on the floor crying

**LittleMoose:** im gonna look it up

**BigMoose:** holy fuck mom is gonna kill me

**Nerd:** everyone pray for the winchesters rn in these trying times

**JoJo:** prayin

**LittleMoose:** well i didnt see anything interesting until i looked it up on urban dictionary

**Masters:** shit

**LittleMoose:** i wanna die now

**Masters:** jfc Sam what a drama queen

**Nerd:** please tell me you didn’t do anything on the couch

**Masters:** nah not on our couch, on his new couch

**Masters:** he gets to keep his nasty couch

**JoJo:** thank god 

**JoJo:** good deal

**Masters:** yeah well none of yall were gonna get as good of a deal as me

**Nerd:** I’ll get the better deal when we r buying from a chick

**Masters:** no u fuckin wont im better

**JoJo:** jfc someone help me

**TheInnocentNovak:** I’m busy

**TheBestLookingNovak:** he’s busy ranting about the fucking Founding Fuckbois™ send help

**JoJo:** tf are you ranting about now 

**TheBestLookingNovak:** essentially he’s complaining about TJeffs being a macaroni fucker and AHam being a punk ass bitch

**TheInnocentNovak:** that’s not how I put it

**TheBestLookingNovak:** but its so much more fun saying it that way

**Nerd:** jfc Cas clam dwon

**JoJo:** I thought it was clam down and calm dwon 

**Nerd:** yes but i put them together so the meme is stronger

**Masters:** clam dwon cas

**BigMoose:** cant believe im being disrespected in my own home

**Masters:** fuck off 

**Nerd:** BUT GUYS ARE WE GONNA GO GET FOOD

**Nerd:** IM HUNGRY

**JoJo:** she’s laying on the floor where our couch is gonna be whining

**TheBestLookingNovak:** cool lets go then

**LittleMoose:** no GUYS DONT LEAVE ME

**LittleMoose:** I wanna go

**JoJo:** sucks to be a kid

**LittleMoose:** Mom says that she wants to visit for winter break

**BigMoose:** goddammit

**BigMoose:** she can but shes gonna have to pay for a hotel room i dont have money

**LittleMoose:** she muttered “what a gentleman” and she looks very disappointed

**Nerd:** Dean you have disappointed your mother what the fuck

**JoJo:** don’t disappoint your mother she’s a wonderful woman

**LittleMoose:** Mom says thanks Charlie and Jo

**Nerd:** <3

**JoJo:** <3

**Masters:** Dean we’re gonna kick your ass for being so rude

**Masters:** pAY FOR YOUR MOTHERS ROOM

**Masters:** SHES PAYING FOR YOUR COLLEGE

**BigMoose:** goddammit fine 

**TheInnocentNovak:** Alright well me and Gabe are at the restaurant

**TheBestLookingNovak:** oh my god guys they have paninis come over here you fuckers

**Masters:** We’re on our way

**JoJo:** Charlie and Meg fucking sprinted imc RYing

**JoJo:** theyre sPRINTING TO THE PLACE 

**JoJo:** I lost them goddammit

**BigMoose:** I’m like two minutes away

**LittleMoose:** goddammit Jo you had one job

**JoJo:** boy don’t you curse at me

**LittleMoose:** im sorry im sorry

**BigMoose:** so sam hows school

**LittleMoose:** It hasn’t started yet wtf Dean

**BigMoose:** well have fun in high school

**LittleMoose:** have fun with sokka dean

**BigMoose:** yoU LEAVE SOKKA OUT OF THIS YOU LIL SHIT

**BigMoose:** FUCKIN FOLLOWING ME AROUND SINCE YOU COULD WALK

**BigMoose:** “I WANNA BE LIKE YOU DEAN!1!11!!!!11” 

**BigMoose:** GET UR OWN DAMN PERSONALITY 

**Nerd:** damn u touchy

**Masters:** WE R HERE

**Masters:** GIMMIE THE PANINIS

**Nerd:** you missed it Sam, Meg kicked Dean in the back of his knee as soon as she saw him so he’s on the sidewalk crying

**Masters:** lmao i told him to say sorry

**JoJo:** did anybody catch it on video

**TheBestLookingNovak:** Nah sorry buddy i was too busy laughing my ass off

**TheInnocentNovak: I** ’ve never laughed so hard Meg was so determined too 

**Nerd:** it was amazing 

**BigMoose:** I DIDNT CRY

**LittleMoose:** you deserved it

**LittleMoose:** just wanted to be like my big brother

**LittleMoose:** I admired you 

**LittleMoose:** I’ll just go get my “own damn personality” now then

**LittleMoose has left the conversation**

**JoJo:** GODDAMMIT DEAN GO FUCKING APOLOGIZE TOYOUR BROTHER

**Nerd:** FUCKIN HELL DEAN

**Nerd:** MEG WOULD YELL IN HERE BUT SHES TOO BUSY YELLING AT DEAN IRL

**TheBestLookingNovak:** man Dean y u so rude

**BigMoose added LittleMoose to the conversation**

**BigMoose:** I’m sorry Sam I took it too far

**BigMoose:** I’m just really angry about stuff 

**BigMoose:** I shouldn’t have taken it out on you 

**LittleMoose:** fine

**BigMoose:** ??????

**LittleMoose:** Alright 

**BigMoose:** does that mean you’re okay

**BigMoose:** what’s taking you so long to type

**LittleMoose:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU ATTACKED ME LIKE THAT I WAS JUST A KID WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO ANGRY AT ME FOR LOOKING UP TO MY OWN BROTHER I MEAN I BASICALLY IDOLIZED YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE RARELY EVEN A GOOD ROLE MODEL YOU PINNING PIECE OF SHIT IM FUCKING GLAD YOURE AWAY AT COLLEGE CAUSE NOW I HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING ROOM TO MYSELF

**LittleMoose:** Now I’m good

**Nerd:** tag urself im “i cant believe you attacked me like that”

**Masters:** im “you’re rarely even a good role model”

**TheBestLookingNovak:** im “you pinning piece of shit”

**JoJo:** I’m “why you gotta be so angry at me”

**BigMoose:** fuckin hell

**LittleMoose:** im “glad your away at college”

**Nerd:** alright now that all the feels are out can we go back to being good buddies

**TheInnocentNovak:** can we get food now

**LittleMoose:** I’m going to go get some mac n cheese

**JoJo:** thanks for informing us 

**BigMoose:** we good Sam?

**LittleMoose:** yeah we good

**TheBestLookingNovak:** dean is finally off the sidewalk and jo showed up thank fUCKING GOD i wanna EAT

**Nerd:** then stop texting on your phone and WALK INSIDE you piece of shit

**Masters:** can we just refer to Cas and Dean as pinning pieces of shit now

**LittleMoose:** YES

**LittleMoose:** LET MY INSULT LIVE

**Nerd:** lmao yes 

**BigMoose:** leave me alone i dont wanna fuck Cas

**TheBestLookingNovak:** y u fuckin lyin? Y u always lyin? mmmMMMMMmmMMM stop fUCKIN lyING 

**Nerd:** alright we’re at a table lets put the phones away and converse with each other irl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I don't feel 100% about this chapter its....  
> I realized I kept making Dean an asshole whoops lmao  
> But like Dean and Sam are good now Sams not even that angry tbh I didn't envision him stewing or something just like yelling but not being that angry  
> Also Meg probably gave the guy a gr8 blowjob cause I'm imagining that she does things like that to get what she wants and every p okay with it cause it works for her  
> and she's Bi because I can????  
> ANYWAY please comment if you liked it or complain about things I'd enjoy any comments tbh


	6. Novak Family Roast Session™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is it  
> the Novak Family Rumble™  
> who gonna win

******PiningPieceOfShit#1** : What the fuck is wRONG WITH MY NAME

**PiningPieceOfShit#2:** Dean?

**LittleMoose:** YES YES LET MY INSULT LIVE

**Masters:** oh my god im dead

**JoJo:** OH MY GOD

**TheBestNovak:** thats what happens when you fall asleep on my couch while cuddling bitch

**PiningPieceOfShit#1:** GABRIEL YOU ARE DEAD NEXT TIME I SEE YOU

**PiningPieceOfShit#2:** Gabriel why

**Nerd:** Gabe did you change yours too

**TheBestNovak:** yeah I decided that I’m just all around the BEST Novak so

**PiningPieceOfShit#2:** meet Samandriel Novak you are wrong

**TheBestNovak:** shit u rite

**TheBestNovak:** lmao nah im good cause im the best in this chat

**PiningPieceOfShit#1 changed their user to BigMoose**

**PiningPieceOfShit#2 changed their user to Cassie**

**BigMoose added Samandriel to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** WAHT TEH FKCU

**Cassie:** dean whY

**JoJo:** Cas I thought you hated that nickname

**Cassie:** dean changed my name

**Cassie:** but if any of you guys call me Cassie I’m punching you in the throat

**LittleMoose:** k thnx Cas got it

**Nerd:** love you too  <3

**TheBestNovak:** SAMANDRIEL PLEASE LEAVE THE CONVERSATION

**LittleMoose:** y dont u just take him out

**TheBestNovak:** SOMEONE MADE IT SO THAT I CANT ANYMORE

**Cassie:** wait I can’t either

**BigMoose:** sucks to suck

**TheBestNovak:** DEAN I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK IF YOU TAKE HIM OUT

**TheBestNovak:** WAIT SHTI NO SAMANDIREL ODN T ROEAD THA;T

**JoJo:** Local College Student Sucks Dick For Brother™

**TheBestNovak:** DONT TRADEMARK MY MISTAKES LIKE THAT

**Masters:** jfc can yall text when im not in class

**LittleMoose:** im in class you dont see me complaining

**BigMoose:** how is high school Sammy

**LittleMoose:** half my teachers hate me bc of u

**BigMoose:** sorry bro

**TheBestNovak:** PLEASE SOMEONE TAKE SMANDRIL OUT

**JoJo:** how did you only mess your brother’s name up

**TheBestNovak:** ITS A REALLY LONG NAME OKAY????? 

**TheBestNovak:** STOP ATTACKING ME

**Masters:** jfc I’m putting all of u on silent so i can fucking learn

**Samandriel:** Why am I in this chat again?

**LittleMoose:** Driel what took u so long to answer

**Samandriel:** The bell just rang

**Samandriel:** I’m not supposed to have my phone out tho

**Cassie:** why did Sam call him “Driel”

**LittleMoose:** See what u miss when u go off to college in goddamn NY

**LittleMoose:** dont tell them Driel they left us

**Samandriel:** Okay Sam

**TheBestNovak:** I swear Sam if you corrupt my brother

**Samandriel:** Who said Sam is corrupting me?

**Samandriel:** I’m in 6th grade I can corrupt myself

**TheBestNovak:** SAM IM COMING HOME TO KICK YOUR GODDAMN ASS

**LittleMoose:** Listen I didn’t do shit

**LittleMoose:** Driel just has some questions, and I happen to have answers

**Samandriel:** Sam’s like my dictionary now

**BigMoose:** oh my god 

**LittleMoose:** We’re p good friends now 

**Cassie:** o H my gOD wAHt has sAm tauhgt u?

**BigMoose:** oh geez its bad Cas is forgetting grammar

**Samandriel:** None of your damn business brother

**JoJo:** OH SHIT H SIHTI

**Nerd:** SHOTS FUCKING FIRED

**TheBestNovak:** SAMANDRIEL WHY ARE YOU CURSING

**TheBestNovak:** THIS ISNT U

**BigMoose:** dont worry Gabe hes like twelve he’s doing it cause he thinks hes cool

**LittleMoose:** we all went through our rough “Im twelve and super cool” phase dont worry Driel 

**Nerd:** I cant wait for Driel to grow older and be embarrassed about all this

**TheBestNovak:** SAMANDRIEL??

**Cassie:** I m gong to sleep 

**Cassie:** waike me ul hwen my brother lovse me sagian

**BigMoose:** “go to sleep” my ass 

**BigMoose:** hes just crying on the floor

**TheBestNovak:** im not gonna do it

**TheBestNovak:** im not 

**Nerd:** ill do it for you

**Nerd:** we all know you want cas in your ass dean

**TheBestNovak:** NO STOP SAMANDIRLE SI HERE HE CANT SEE THESE JOKES 

**BigMoose:** WHAT SO YOU’RE OKAY WITH MAKING SEX JOKES ABOUT ME AND YOUR BROTHER WHEN MY LITTLE BROTHER IS HERE BUT WHEN YOURS IS EVERYONES GOTTA SHUT UP

**TheBestNovak:** yOURS IS ALREADY CORRUPT SHHH

**BigMoose:** WHERE DID SAM GO ITS BEEN A WHILE

**JoJo:** Sam probably actually has to pay attention in class right now

**JoJo:** And Samandriel is in like 6th grade hes not allowed to have his phone out

**Nerd:** Jo, always the rational mother of this group of friends

**LittleMoose:** Dean what the fuck did you do to Mrs. Benson that she hates me so much after just knowing my name

**BigMoose:** Oh… 

**Cassie:** Sam you might as well just give up now 

**JoJo:** Lmao Sam you’re English grade is gonna go down no matter what you do from now on

**Nerd:** LMAO Sam u screwed

**Nerd:** Say goodbye to your perfect GPA 

**LittleMoose:** goddammit Dean ur sucj a dissappointment i s2g

**BigMoose:** thanksgiving is getting closer lmao

**Samandriel:** I’m in the bathroom now so I can text hello

**TheBestNovak:** GO BACK TO CLASS BE A GOOD STUDENT

**Samandriel:** it’s gym???

**TheBestNovak:** nvm i get u bro

**Cassie:** Do you miss us Samandriel?

**BigMoose:** damn whats he got to say that takes so much time to type

**Nerd:** shhh hes gonna roast them i can feel it

**Samandriel:** you mean do I miss being picked on by Gabriel and have my spineless brother let it happen??? no i definitely don’t im happy Gabe left now me Sam and Anna go out for ice cream every day. I’m looking forward to halloween when I can go out and get candy and not find it gone in the morning and im looking forward to sleeping at night. SLEEPING. No loud sobbing from cas in the lower bunk over the goddamn founding fcukers oh my god its so nice in my room now im all alone i love it fREEDOM

**Nerd:** tag urself im “fREEDOM”

**Masters:** Im “looking forward to sleeping at night”

**LittleMoose:** lmao im “sobbing”

**BigMoose:** Im “goddamn founding fcukers”

**TheBestNovak:** Im driving to the nearest cliff

**Cassie:** im coming with you

**TheBestNovak:** cant belive it. My own brother

**LittleMoose:** lmao founding fcukers i did not teach him that he’s learning :’)

**Samandriel has added banANNA to the conversation**

**banANNA:** Driel told me we were roastin gabe and cas and here i am

**LittleMoose:** see guys I found friends

**LittleMoose:** ive turned the two youngest novaks against their family im so proud :’)

**banANNA:** no u didnt Sam u only turned Driel against them

**TheBestNovak:** WHY ARE WE ALL CALLING SAMANDRIEL DRIEL

**banANNA:** that’s a secret ill never tell xoxo gossip girl 

**Cassie:** ....

**BigMoose:** im gonna die from laughing so hard how does it feel to be roasted by your family gabe 

**BigMoose:** wait shit imma add the other novaks

**Cassie:** please dont Dean…

**BigMoose has added Michael and LuckyLuci to the conversation**

**Michael:** Why am I here

**Nerd:** NOVAK ROAST FEST

**LuckyLuci:** Mikey your new haircut sucks ass

**Michael:** You know what?

**TheBestNovak:** oh shit

**Michael:** Remember that chick you banged the other night???? That morning she didn’t seem exactly happy lets just say

**LuckyLuci:** ????

**LuckyLuci:** did you hear her??? Im p sure she was fucking happy

**Samandriel:** I. DONT. WANT. TO. SEE. THIS.

**banANNA:** wait i kinda do

**Samandriel:** #thingsidontwannaknowaboutmybrothers

**Michael:** idk she said you were pretty small 

**Michael:** nothing to hold on to

**LuckyLuci:** well at least i can actually bring a chick home

**TheBestNovak:** oH SHIT

**LuckyLuci:** and u kno what “thebestnovak”????

**LuckyLuci:** ur not the best and its offending

**Michael:** Im the best obviously I’m the only one who’s gonna be making it out of college

**LuckyLuci:** ??? Um first is the worst bitch????

**LuckyLuci:** seconds the best????

**TheBestNovak:** nah im the best

**Michael:** yeah say that to your sticky fuckin fingers

**TheBestNovak:** AT LEAST I DON T CRY OVER FOUNDING FUCKING FATHERS

**Michael:** What??? Stop being mean to Cas he’s the good one

**banANNA:** excuse me???

**LuckyLuci:** Anna nice I wanted to have a chat with you

**LuckyLuci:** You’re a child stop doing stuff

**banANNA:** be more specific

**LuckyLuci:** … is Samandriel here?

**Samandriel:** Yes?

**LuckyLuci:** Im not being specific with him here

**LuckyLuci has removed Samandriel from the conversation**

**LuckyLuci:** STOP DOING SEXUAL STUFF I DONT WANNA HEAR MY BABY SISTER DOING THAT

**banANNA:** Sexual stuff? What?? I’m not doing sexual stuff 

**LittleMoose:** wtf stop attacking Anna she’s better than Gabriel that’s all that’s required to be a Good Novak™

**TheBestNovak:** ?????? Bitch what did u say?????

**BigMoose:** Sam…

**Nerd:** h shit i can hear Gabe screaming from here

**Nerd:** did he get his sticky fingers stuck to his face again

**Michael:** I’m removing myself from this conversation I’m done

**Michael has left the conversation**

**BigMoose has added Samandriel back to the conversation**

**Samandriel:** WHAT THE SHIT WHAT DID I MISS

**LuckyLuci:** ??? Since when did Samandriel start cursing he’s only eight goddammit Gabe i blame u

**Samandriel:** …. I’m twelve

**LuckyLuci:** no u arent.

**LuckyLuci:** if ur twelve then im twenty and thats not

**LuckyLuci:** oh shit

**BigMoose:** you’re two years older than us so yeah, you’re twenty

**LuckyLuci:** oh my god im having a midlife crisis

**TheBestNovak:** You’re not that old yet

**LuckyLuci:** I gotta go

**LuckyLuci has left the conversation**

**Cassie:** alright.. now that we’ve caused Lucifer to have a midlife crisis…

**Cassie:** can we just go to lunch now?

**Nerd:** I second that

**JoJo:** I third

**BigMoose:** I’m hungry

**LittleMoose:** Anna and Driel wanna go out and get food?

**banANNA:** yeah sure I’ll swing around yours Sam

**Samandriel:** lets get frozen yogurt

**Masters:** IM FINALLY OUT OF CLASS AND FUCKING GODDAMMIT WE ARE GETTING FROZEN YOGURT

**TheBestNovak:** i

**TheBestNovak:** I think I need some time alone to myself to think about how my family sees me

**banANNA:** its real easy Gabe, you’re sticky but we put up with you anyway

**banANNA:** now treat yo self

**TheBestNovak:** alright 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this chapter on eight hours of sleep but when I went over this chapter today I have literally had no sleep for 24 hours ( i love writing 11 page English research papers that are due monday on Sunday night especially when the internet goes down because mom hasn't paid the bill hahahaha)  
> and um I'm pretty like out of it right now so I don't know if the last bit of it really makes sense, and I edited it but not really so, I mean....  
> Yeah. I'm just gonna leave it at that. I'm hungry and tired (I took a short nap but that didn't last long, so I'm staying up until tonight so that I can get my sleeping schedule back on track)  
> If this is what I'm like in high school guys.... then fuck I don't wanna know how bad I'll be in college.  
> I'm gonna go eat food now hope yall enjoyed this chapter... what ever the fuck it is?


	7. Lets Talk About Pinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe decided enough was enough  
> Good thing the rest of their friends also agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm I decided plot

_ TheBestNovak added LittleMoose, Masters, JoJo, and Nerd to group chat “PINING PIECES OF SHIT” _

TheBestNovak: guys we have a problem

LittleMoose: im just so happy my insult has lived on

TheBestNovak: stfu we rnt talking abt that

Masters: what is it gabe

Nerd: k BUT R WE GONNA TLAK ABOUT ALL DAT S E X U A L T E N S I O N ???

TheBestNovak: THATS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THIS CHAT

LittleMoose: i dont wanna discuss my brother doing the do please

JoJo: Awe thats so cute Sam doesn’t wanna say sex

LittleMoose: stOP im LITTLE

JoJo: SEX

Nerd: SEX SEX 

TheBestNovak: S E X 

LittleMoose: STOP PLS F R E E M E

Masters: Dean and Cas hoppin in a bed. 

Masters: S-E-X-I-N-G 

Masters: first comes the lube 

LittleMoose: no pls pls pls i beg you

Masters: then comes the condom

Nerd: omg Meg pls

Masters: k I’ll stop now

Nerd: nobody else in this chat has as much sex as you do omg

TheBestNovak: excuse you I have lots of sex I’m wanted

JoJo: no you’re not

LittleMoose: STOP TALKING ABOUT THE THING I DONT WANT THE THING

TheBestNovak: don’t think that’s supposed to be said in safe consensual S E X

Nerd: SHIT WAIT WE GOT OFF TOPIC AGAIN

TheBestNovak: OH YEAH

LittleMoose: thank god

TheBestNovak: so if you’ll all notice Dean and Cas the two pining pieces of utter shit are not in this chat

JoJo: noted

TheBestNovak: we have to get them together like seriously oh my g od

Masters: its about damn time tbh

LittleMoose: stage an intervention but can you wait until mom and me visit

Nerd: depends when are you guys coming

LittleMoose: what’s today?

JoJo: Saturday, September 24th

LittleMoose: think we’re driving up october 7th after school we can have an intervention that night

TheBestNovak: alright but thats last resort 

TheBestNovak: I think we get them super drunk 

JoJo: seems appropriate

Masters: no wait guys cause if they actually do fuck each other and theyre drunk they’ll assume it was a mistake 

Nerd: shit u rite

* * *

 

_ “Fuck You All” _

BigMoose: why tf are you all on your phones 

Cassie: pay attention to the movie

TheBestNovak: this is the third fucking time we’ve watched Camp Rock 

Masters: this movie is fucking stupid

BigMoose: fine we’ll put another movie in

Cassie: I’m picking

JoJo: CAS IF YOU PUT IN THE GODDAMN BEE MOVIE IN IM GOING TO CHOKE YOU 

Nerd: cas u meme fucker

Cassie: I’m not picking

JoJo: fuckin knEW IT

Masters: thank you for saving us Jo I’ll make out with you when we get home

TheBestNovak: can I watch it’d be more interesting than whatever movie Dean’s picking

LittleMoose: what the fuck is even going on

banANNA: I wake up to this???

banANNA: im goin back to sleep

Driel: its three in the afternoon

banANNA: your point???? Invalid.

JoJo: gabe we rnt making out it was a joke

TheBestNovak: I don’t usually joke about fucking my friends

Nerd: your life is boring

Masters: we’re enlightened women 

JoJo: we like to occasionally cuddle 

JoJo: except Meg she hates cuddling

Nerd: and Jo she hates cuddling too

Nerd: i cuddle myself

JoJo: tf was it that we did the other day

Nerd: sit next to each other 

Nerd: we didnt full on cuddle it was not comfy

JoJo: jfc alright next time we cuddle

Nerd: looking forward to it ;)

JoJo: ;)

Driel: Anna can I come play with your turtle

banANNA: leave Lenny alone he’s sleeping like me

LittleMoose: I highly doubt that

banANNA: fight me sam 

Driel: I’ll fight you

banANNA: really?? will u really tho????

Driel: no im kidding

LittleMoose: hes too small dont fight him

Nerd: Driel is a smol bean in a tol world

BigMoose: THE MOVIE GUYS

JoJo: I don’t wanna watch fucking Camp Rock 2 I said I wanted to watch fucking HSM

BigMoose: WE DONT HAVE FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

TheBestNovak: THEN FUCKING GET IT 

Cassie: come on guys Camp Rock 2 isn’t that bad

Nerd: please convince me it’s not back

Cassie: I tried to be optimistic but the room is filled with pessimistic assholes sorry

banANNA: oOOh Cassie’s bringing out some of that Novak sass

TheBestNovak: it wasnt that funny calm down anna

Driel: it was a little funny

LittleMoose: why did it get quiet all of a sudden

banANNA: thank god now I can finally get some goddamn sleep

Driel: im coming in to take Lenny on a walk

banANNA: TO FUCKING WHERE SAMANDRIEL?!?!?!?! 

banANNA: THE GODDAMN KITCHEN?!?!?!?!?

banANNA: actually pls do hes kinda hungry i think give him some lettuce

LittleMoose: can I come over I’m bored 

LittleMoose: and dad keeps talking about going on a fishing trip

LittleMoose: I don’t wanna go fishing

Driel: come on over its just me and Anna in the house

LittleMoose: cool

BigMoose: dont do drugs kids

BigMoose: LSD is bad

TheBestNovak: you would know that wouldnt you

BigMoose: No???

JoJo: that… wasnt… Dean…. 

TheBestNovak: I swear it was Dean last weekend

Nerd: no it wasnt

TheBestNovak: I SWE AR IT WAS D EA N L AS T WEE K EN D

LittleMoose: Dean?? Should I not tell Mom or Dad???

Cassie: It was me. 

TheBestNovak: what no I swear it was Dean 

Cassie: It was also you

TheBestNovak: it was… ?

BigMoose: remember the pumpkins?

TheBestNovak: oh shit its all coming back to me

Cassie: I mean it should it was your idea

banANNA: Gabe are you telling us we should do LSD

TheBestNovak: THATS NOT WAHT IM SAYING

Driel: sounds like Gabe is telling us to take LSD

Driel: wait whats LSD

Cassie: NOTHING YOU ARE EVER

Cassie: E V E R

Cassie: TAKING

Cassie: E. V. E. R.

Driel: sheesh alright

LittleMoose: im outside your house pls let me in. 

Driel: omw

JoJo: Gabe where are you going

Nerd: hes gonna go regret his life probs

Masters: maybe the pumpkins came back

TheBestNovak: SHUT UP IM JHAVIN G A LIFE CRISIS

Nerd: that too

BigMoose: jfc u two did this to urselves now u gotta deal

Cassie: watch the movie

 

_ “PINING PIECES OF SHIT” _

TheBestNovak: alright guys now lets get back to planning

LittleMoose: hows your life crisis going?

TheBestNovak: not well but dont worry im learning to get over it

TheBestNovak: dont do drugs

JoJo: scared of the pumpkins coming back?

TheBestNovak: WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOTU THE FICKING PUCMKPIKGNS AGONA

LittleMoose: what were the pumpkins doing to him?

Nerd: chasing him

TheBestNovak: BACK TO THE REAL ISSUE

Masters: Dean and Cas wont fuck 

LittleMoose: pls 

Nerd: ANYWAY

Nerd: I say we stage an intervention

TheBestNovak: NO thats our last option

TheBestNovak: Truth or Dare

Masters: oOooh thats sOOOO original gabe good job

TheBestNovak: no no we get them drunk alright

Nerd: sounds so cliched you moron

TheBestNovak: AND THEN

TheBestNovak: we either dare one to kiss the other & deal with a makeout session

JoJo: Or?

TheBestNovak: or we ask for the truth about their feelings for each other

LittleMoose: I don’t know if you guys have met my brother, Dean, or my father

LittleMoose: but they don’t know what feelings are

Nerd: and that still sounds super cliched

TheBestNovak: DAMN THE CLICHES

TheBestNovak: WE WILL DO EVERY DAMN CLICHE UNTIL THEY GET IT ON

LittleMoose: can we just act like they’ll kiss or something not wait until they do the do

Nerd: sam u so innocent

Nerd: jk u aint innocent 

JoJo: nah he aint innocent just squimish

Masters: listen Sam dont be having sex if you cant even say the word

LittleMoose: I!! DONT!!! WANT!!! THIS!!!

Masters: someone give him the sex talk

LittleMoose: WAITER!!!! TAKE THIS BACK THIS ISNT WAHT I ORDERDE

TheBestNovak: WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING SAMS IMMATURITY RIGHT NOW

LittleMoose: i dont think u should talk about immaturity

JoJo: whats taking so long for you to type

Masters: Im going back to the movie

Nerd: same

LittleMoose: imma keep feeding Lenny lettuce

LittleMoose: Lenny is cute

TheBestNovak: HERES PLAN A: So we are gonna host a small party, I think we should invite some other people maybe Cassie’s roommate Jimmy. Idk who else I was hopping you guys have more friends. Then, we get everyone super fucking drunk except Charlie who is gonna stay sober so nobody dies and doesnt leave cause we r all gonna wake up and have a great hangover breakfast in the morning. We will start off with a good ol game of Never Have I Ever. Then we move on to Truth or Dare. And then we get really cheesy with a game of spin the bottle

Masters: jfc thats a lot

TheBestNovak: im gonna go back to my dorm I have things to plan

Nerd: are we gonna have this party at our apartment?

JoJo: that would be easier than sneaking alcohol into one of those three idiots dorm rooms so

LittleMoose: wait can I come to the party

TheBestNovak: ur like eight fucking hours away????

LittleMoose: i can get a plane ticket to visit my brother and his friends who i miss so dearly

Masters: no sam u too young

JoJo: Yeah Sam, try and convince Mary of that

LittleMoose: dont have to I can convince Dad

Nerd: who is gonna turn to Mary about this cause he wont keep this from her

LittleMoose: not until I’m halfway to New York

Masters: YOU. ARE. NOT. COMING. TO. A. PARTY. WITH. ALCOHOL. PERIOD.

JoJo: Sam we’re doing this because we care

LittleMoose: fine can I come to a party with alcohol when I drive

TheBestNovak: sure

Nerd: GABE

TheBestNovak: have you seen the kid play Mario Cart? He sucks

LittleMoose: HEY 

Nerd: tru

JoJo: sorry Sam it’s true, you suck at mario cart

Masters: lmao yea

LittleMoose: I’ll show you fuckers

TheBestNovak: ANYWAY when are we doin this party???

JoJo: I’d say our place next weekend? 

Masters: damn girl we gotta get more furniture and shit first

Nerd: how about the weekend afterwards

JoJo: yeah not this weekend 

JoJo: im gonna need a weekend after this weekend

Masters: tbh same

Nerd: fuckin camp rock I hate these movies

Masters: why didnt we watch hsm

JoJo: this week imma pick us up some chairs for our bar k?

Masters: yeah I’ll get us some fun stuff to drink

Nerd: I’ll practice staying sober

LittleMoose: cant you guys like skype me I wanna see Dean being stupid

TheBestNovak: no?? 

JoJo: sam I will take you out of this group chat 

Masters: u aint gonna be at this party sam stop

LittleMoose: damn.

* * *

 

_ “Fuck You All” _

Cassie: guys pay attention

TheBestNovak: LEAVE ME ALONE

Masters: fuck off Cas I hate this movie

JoJo: WE ALL HATE THIS MOVIE

Nerd: sorry Cas nobody likes this movie

Driel: sheesh everyone is against you Cas

banANNA: its cause Camp Rock does suck

BigMoose: ITS ALL WE HAVE

Masters: WHY DID YOU BUY IT IN THE FIRST PLACE

LittleMoose: hey guess what I got?

BigMoose: stop yourself there

LittleMoose: our whole movie collection

BigMoose: stop

Driel: we’re gonna go marathon the Lion Kings 

banANNA: oo can I join

LittleMoose: come down here and get the ice cream

banANNA: do you still have Lenny???

Driel: yeah he’s happy eating his lettuce on the coffee table

Cassie: sheesh look who got a social life

BigMoose: sam we r all proud of u for getting a social life

LittleMoose: thnx i tried v hard

Masters: who knew it could happen

JoJo: wow I never thought I’d see the day

LittleMoose: k now ur dragging it on leave

Nerd: ???

LittleMoose: The Lion King is starting bye

banANNA: bye bitch

Driel: goodbye

TheBestNovak: jfc alright then 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I hate Camp Rock whoops   
> Anyway hope you liked this. And since I got a question about ages:  
> Gabe, Cas, Dean, Meg, Charlie, and Jo are all about 18   
> Anna is 16  
> Sam is 14  
> Samandriel is 12 
> 
> Yeah so those are the ages I placed them at when I wrote them in.  
> Samandriel is like all innocent still tho he's just at his angsty pre-teen years lets all remember ours they were all p embarrassing lmao   
> To be honest like I haven't been following the characters on the show for some of these characters I'm just making it up as I go cause it's more fun I like Anna this way and I like Driel.   
> Also no I don't know why I decided to come up with Driel I figured it was easier than calling both of them Sam. 
> 
> FUN FACT: The LSD pumpkin trip is literally based off a story my mom told me about one of her college friends who took LSD and swore up and down that flying pumpkins chased her home. Don't do drugs kids. 
> 
> Wow this authors note is really long k bye now.


	8. Some Super Heated Debates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean got into a fight...  
> They're a little bit petty....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired as I edit this, which I noticed while editing that halfway through I stopped writing "TheBestNovak" and started writing "BestNovak" I think I caught them all but if I didn't, I'm sorry.  
> I laughed a lot writing this, I'm also sleep deprived while writing this so IDK if it's actually funny  
> So... Enjoy I hope?  
> Also, idk if I'm right but I believe this may be my longest chapter?  
> I also don't wanna go back and check so the world may never know

**“Fuck You All”**

**BigMoose:** Sam I have a question

**Cassie:** Dean stop it you child

**BigMoose:** “child” he says

**Nerd:** oh boy

**JoJo:** Sam just stay quiet you don’t need to get into this

**TheBestNovak:** maybe he should.. maybe then they’ll just get over this

**LittleMoose:** We’re trying to marathon HSM so could you please get this over with

**banANNA:** at least we have popcorn to watch this shit go down

**Masters:** good cause that’s kinda what this fight is about

**BigMoose:** okay so what do you think of Ryan and Chad?

**banANNA:** they’re hot??? 

**LittleMoose:** …what about them 

**BigMoose:** Do you think they were like secretly dating or something

**LittleMoose:** uh, yeah? They’re definitely fucking

**BigMoose:** NO THEY’RE NOT

**Cassie:** YES THEY FUCKING ARE 

**Cassie:** DEAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

**Cassie:** THEY CAME BACK WITH E A C H O T H E R S CLOTHES ON 

**BigMoose:** ONCE YOU AND I SWITCHED SHIRTS ARE WE FUCKING???

**TheBestNovak:** god I wish

**BigMoose:** FUCK OFF GABE

**Masters:** amen to that

**BigMoose:** LISTEN!!!!

**Cassie:** THEY SHARED A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN JUST A SHIRT

**Driel:** oh 

**LittleMoose:** I’m done with you two just kiss and make up I s2g

**BigMoose:** “kiss and make up” I’m not kissing him

**LittleMoose:** Dean.

**LittleMoose:** one, You Are Wrong they’re definitely fucking

**Cassie:** why would we kiss

**LittleMoose:** two we all know you two wanna kiss

**LittleMoose:** becAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN PINING AFTER EACH OTHER FOR YEAARS OHMYGODODODODODODODODOD

**Nerd:** got enough ods there sammich

**TheBestNovak:** thats my nickname wtf bitch

**Nerd:** fucking come over here and fight me

**TheBestNovak:** fucking fine im on my way

**Nerd:** good I have a Meg she’ll protect me

**Masters:** no I wont

**Nerd:** ????? WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SISTER PACT???

**Masters:** got urself into this one bye

**BigMoose:** ?????

**BigMoose:** We??? Aren’t??? Tho????

**BigMoose:** we’re just close friends

**BigMoose:** it’s what happens when you grow up with someone

**JoJo:** what??? 

**JoJo:** Dean 

**JoJo:** we dont stare at each other like how you stare at cas 

**JoJo:** lets be real here 

**Nerd:** Lesb-honest

**Masters:** no stop yourself there Charlie

**Nerd:** tru I’m the lesbian here - deans just fucking gay

**BigMoose:** Meet: all the girls I dated in highschool

**Nerd:** Fine. 

**Nerd:** You’re a closeted bisexual we fucking get it

**LittleMoose:** “all the girls” you mean the one girl you brought to senior prom and left there to drive Cas home

**TheBestNovak:** HOOOOO SHIT SAMS PULLIN UP THE RECEIPTS

**BigMoose:** Um no I didn’t leave her there

**Cassie:** ??????

**LittleMoose:** U sure bro cause I literally heard her complaining because you left her there and I quote “to drive Castiel Novak home, probably so they could fuck” -actual quote 

**Nerd:** IM CRYING 

**Masters:** Dean what do you have to say about this

**BigMoose:** I 

**Cassie:** We didn’t fuck

**BigMoose:** WE DIDN’T

**LittleMoose:** Anna and Driel are yelling at me for texting right now so I must leave. 

**TheBestNovak:** FUCK SAMANDRIEL AND ANNA ARE STILL IN THIS CHAT I JUST REALIZED?

**banANNA:** ho dont do it

**BestNovak has removed banANNA and Driel from the conversation**

**LittleMoose:** oh my god

**TheBestNovak:** shut up

**LittleMoose:** make me

**TheBestNovak:** okay now you just made it sexual you ruined it sam

**BigMoose:** I TOOK NANETTE HIMMELFARB ON A COUPLE OF DATES

**TheBestNovak:** bitch did you just

**JoJo:** there’s some things wrong with that

**Masters:** there wasnt even a Nanette in our highschool wtf???

**JoJo:** MEG 

**Nerd:** THATS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART

**LittleMoose:** DID YOU JUST TAKE A GODDAMN NAME FROM RENT DEAN????

**TheBestNovak:** iM CRYING

**Nerd:** CAS WHERE DID YOU GO

**Cassie:** I need to get away from him

**JoJo:** HOLY FUCK 

**Masters:** DEAN YOU RUINED IT ALL YOU BIG DUMBASS

**TheBestNovak:** DEAN IS TRYING S O  H A R D TO BE HETERO 

**TheBestNovak:** AND ALL IT DOES IS PUSH HIS BOO AWAY

**JoJo:** DEAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING

**BigMoose:** leave me alone pls

**LittleMoose:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DEAN I DONT WANT YOU TO BE MY BIG BROTHER ANYMORE

**BigMoose:** Sam…. 

**LittleMoose:** DEAN YOU ARENT FUCKING STRAIGHT

**LittleMoose:** MY H A I R IS STRAIGHTER THAN YOU

**TheBestNovak:** Lmao Sam’s hair isn’t even straight it’s curly af

**LittleMoose:** THATS THE GODDAMN POINT GABRIEL

**TheBestNovak:** o...

**JoJo:** IM CRYING THIS IS A GODDAMN MESS

**Masters:** Charlie’s rolling on the floor I think she died

**Nerd:** THEY WERE ARGUING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 

**Nerd:** H I G H  S C H O O L  M U S I C A L

**Nerd:** AN D NNOW THYE RE URFKCING DEBATING DEANS SEXUALITY

* * *

 

**“PINING PIECES OF SHIT”**

**TheBestNovak:** NOWS THE TIME GUYS

**LittleMoose:** TIME FOR WHAT IM STILL FREAKING OUT

**TheBestNovak:** ITS TIME TO LOCK THEM IN A ROOM TOGETHER

**JoJo:** HOW TF ARE WE GONNA DO THAT DEANS HALFWAY DOWN THE BLOCK

**Nerd:** he does know we’re in /his/ room right

**Masters:** Charlie we’re in Gabe’s room

**TheBestNovak:** fuckng k then jsut

**TheBestNovak:** BACK ON TRACK

**Masters:** and your brother is halfway to his own room

**Nerd:** we aint getting them together tonight they’re angry at each other

**JoJo:** YEAH FOR LITERALLY NO GODDAMN REASON

**LittleMoose:** I’m so done with Dean rn I just can’t

**Nerd:** you just can’t or you LITERALLY just can’t???

**LittleMoose:** oh OBVIOUSLY ‘literally’ lemme go get my white girl on

**TheBestNovak:** damn samantha what chu up to these days

**TheBestNovak** : Killin girls and taking their skin thats creepy

**LittleMoose:** fuck off sticky hands

**TheBestNovak:** END IT END IT END IT

**Masters:** GUYS!!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** Shit yeah lets get down to business

**Nerd:** to defeat, the huns

**Masters:** Charlie

**Nerd:** shit yeah ANYWAY

**TheBestNovak:** I think our best course of action is to make them make out

**JoJo:** You mean up

**TheBestNovak:** that too

**LittleMoose:** mom said that they’ll probably just say it was a mistake and you should get them to confess their feelings instead

**Nerd:** Tell Mamma Mary I said hi

**Masters:** you fucker stop telling your mother what happens in these chats

**LittleMoose:** IM SORRY SHE READ OVER MY SHOULDER

**LittleMoose:** also she says hi Charlie

**TheBestNovak:** Shit but mamma mary is right

**JoJo:** maybe we should get them real drunk to confess their feelings 

**Nerd:** NO THEY WOULD PROBABLY STILL TRY TO PASS IT OFF AS A JOKE

**LittleMoose:** we’re a mess - and now im in my room alone so mom wont read over my shoulder happy?

**Nerd:** yes

**TheBestNovak:** I’d make a joke about you alone but we need to focus

**LittleMoose:** thanks for sacrificing me

**TheBestNovak:** np

**LittleMoose:** Okay but Gabe do you have a similar incident to my Incident™?

**TheBestNovak:** No, I mean not that I can remember

**TheBestNovak:** Not involving Cas, at least

**Nerd:** praying for yall that have siblings

**Masters:** the pros to having no siblings ^^

**JoJo:** Lmao but what even would be the cons?

**Nerd:** nobody to boss around

**LittleMoose:** hey listen,,,,

**Nerd:** its been a while sam you ever gonna finish that

**LittleMoose:** no

**Masters:** moving on

**LittleMoose:** well I can remind Dean of some key points about The Incident™ so he’ll stop being all “no homo”

**TheBestNovak:** Like what?? 

**LittleMoose:** um

**JoJo:** Yeah give us the details Sammy

**LittleMoose:** well...

**Nerd:** dont be leaving us hanging

**LittleMoose:** you see… 

**Masters:** is there something you didnt tell us Sam cause I don’t see how The Incident™ could help us out????

**LittleMoose has left the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** OH THAT LITTLE BITCH

**Nerd:** little moose actually,,,

**TheBestNovak:** FUCK OFF

**Masters:** AND HES LIKE MILES AWAY HOW TF ARE WE GONNA INTERROGATE HIM???

**JoJo:** I s2g I’ll get my mom to go all Ellen on his ass

**TheBestNovak:** NOT IMPORTANT RN 

**TheBestNovak:** SINCE SAMMY WONT HELP US ITS ALL UP TO US TO FIGURE THIS OUT

**TheBestNovak:** STEP ONE: MAKE THEM STOP HATING EACH OTHER

* * *

 

**BigMoose created a conversation with Cassie**

**BigMoose:** Wanna meet at my dorm at 7?

**BigMoose:** I think we should talk about some things, but in person

**Cassie:** Fine. 

**Cassie:** But only if you order chinese food and get me good fried rice

**BigMoose:** I know you can’t see me right now but I’m rolling my eyes

**BigMoose:** but it’s done, see you at 7

**Cassie:** see you at 7

**Conversation Deleted**

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**LittleMoose:** Dean, dad’s asking how the impala is again

**BigMoose:** tell him she’s fine, and enjoying herself in NY

**TheBestNovak:** one of the things I’ll never understand, why John cares so much about the impala

**LittleMoose:** he doesn’t care more about the impala than Dean, he and Dean just have problems talking about their Feelings™

**LittleMoose:** asking about the impala is codeword for how Dean’s doing. 

**LittleMoose:** but if the impala did actually get ruined Dean would have his ass handed to him so like, he still kinda cares about the impala

**Nerd:** aweee thats kinda cute

**Masters:** I mean I guess, except for the part where Dean’s dead if the impala gets ruined so

**JoJo:** shh Meg this is a Rare Moment where the winchesters show they have feelings

**BigMoose:** I’ll leave the chat

**LittleMoose:** maybe I won’t drag your ass back

**LittleMoose:** but someone will so

**Masters:** I promise I would

**TheBestNovak:** bitch you wouldn’t do it faster than me

**Masters:** wanna fucking bet?

**TheBestNovak:** yeah LETS FUCKING GO DEAN LEAVE THE CHAT

**LittleMoose:** no stop

**BigMoose:** I don’t feel like it anymore

**Cassie:** why are you guys still awake its four in the morning

**BigMoose:** why are YOU awake if its four in the morning

**Cassie:** because this chat wont shut up

**Masters:** There’s this fancy lil thing called put your phone on silent and take vibration off

**Masters:** might wanna try it

**Cassie:** thanks Meg

**Masters:** no prob Clarence

**Cassie:** on another note, everyone up for breakfast tomorrow?

**TheBestNovak:** I mean technically, later this morning

**JoJo:** make it a late brunch and I’m there

**Nerd:** yeah I’m like tryna beat Jo’s ass at Mario Cart right now shit fuck and this may go on for a little while fuck fuck fuck fuck how do i stop this thing

**LittleMoose:** are you using the voice function?

**Nerd:** yes shit shit shit jo stop being a bitch

**Masters:** they’re getting ridiculous now tbh

**Masters:** I’m going to bed cause im lookin forward to brunch

**LittleMoose:** why are yall having fun when I’m not there

**Masters:** because you’re not here

**TheBestNovak:** ouch that hurt

**JoJo:** let it be known to all here that I, Jo Harvelle, have beaten Charlie at Mario Cart, and therefor I am the best at Mario Cart bow down to your goddamn Queen

**Nerd:** you know what fuck you 

**Masters:** I hear some screaming and yet…

**Masters:** I have no will to break up the fight

**Masters:** my bed is super comfy and my blankets are warm

**LittleMoose:** jfc okay I’m going to bed now goodnight everyone

**TheBestNovak:** my roommate said if I didn’t turn off my phone he’d shove it up my ass

**TheBestNovak:** so im putting my phone on silent and saying goodnight for now

**BigMoose:** mine is already asleep, he sleeps like a fucking brick. But im tired so night guys

**Masters:** I s2g I think they fell asleep out there

**Masters:** I walk out to make sure they aint dead

**Masters:** and these two fell asleep mid fight im screaming

**Masters has sent a photo**

**Masters:** I’m sending this photo so yall can enjoy their drooling faces

**Masters:** okay everyones asleep I guess I’ll just…. go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter Possibilities:  
> -A little bit more info on The Incident™   
> -What happened when Cas went over to Dean's?  
> -After Brunch!  
> -More of Bitter Sam being Super Bitter that he can't do all the fun college shit  
> -Maybe more Novak siblings????
> 
>  
> 
> I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter I enjoyed writing most of it.  
> Usually I start writing a chapter with an idea of how it'll end and 80% of the time it doesn't end how I originally planned it would, this was one of those chapters. Really I started out with the little fight and planned to make the two be petty and instead this happened.  
> Uhm, I never thought I'd develop any plot for this and here I am,,,  
> I don't know if any of you guys can figure out what the incident is? Is it obvious what it is? I'm pretty certain of what I think it'll be but also I'm still tweaking, and I may throw out the entire thing and start new.   
> Leave a comment, tell me your theories of what you think would happen (I know how I want this thing to play out, you guys will likely not change that but I love theories)   
> Okay. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight!


	9. Is It Fight Meg Day?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone wants to fight  
> It's after Brunch  
> Cas and Dean made up and everyone's confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so before note:  
> I know I made like both Meg and Gabe bi and also like pretty slutty, but as a side that is NOT a reflection on every bisexual, I just happened to make Meg and Gabe bisexual and also very very sexually active. Not everyone who is bi is constantly having sex. And having a lot of sex is not a bad thing do whatever makes you happy. Just use protection and stuff. (And honestly I didn't even realize I wrote them as very slutty until I sat down and thought about it and was like shit wait I hope nobody thinks this is what I believe all bi people are like cause I know not every bi person sleeps around a lot)  
> Okay just wanted to make that clear. Okay... read on

**“Fuck You All”**

**LittleMoose:** How is brunch guys

**Masters:** We finished already 

**JoJo:** you missed Gabe throwing up after challenging Charlie to who could eat more pancakes

**Nerd:** that sticky bitch thought he could win one over me

**Cassie:** he’s still throwing up guys do you think we should do something???

**BigMoose:** nah leave him 

**Masters:** also apparently Dean and Cas made up??? 

**Cassie:** it was a stupid thing to fight over anyway

**BigMoose:** yeah, why is that so suspicious???

**TheBestNovak:** because you guys literally refused to look at each other and left my dorm?

**BigMoose:** well we made up, happy?

**TheBestNovak:** did you make out?

**Cassie:** no?

**TheBestNovak:** then no I’m not happy

**LittleMoose:** why can’t I do all the Cool College Things

**BigMoose:** sam dont worry you’re not missing much

**JoJo:** nah he’s missing lots of fun things

**Nerd:** yeah like not waking up until 9 for classes

**LittleMoose:** oh fuck you guys

**LittleMoose:** can I invite Anna and Driel back to the chat

**TheBestNovak:** no

**Cassie:** No.

**LittleMoose:** WHY??? THEY’RE MY ONLY FRIENDS!!

**TheBestNovak:** stop corrupting our little siblings Sam

**LittleMoose:** more like Anna is corrupting me

**LittleMoose:** she was telling me about the last time she, yanno

**TheBestNovak:** holy fuck we need to have a Novak Meeting™

**Cassie:** ….

* * *

 

**TheBestNovak invited Cassie, banANNA, Driel, LuckyLuci, and Michael to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak named the conversation “Novak Family Meeting™”**

**TheBestNovak:** ANNA

**banANNA:** shit what

**Driel:** why are we yelling at Anna???

**TheBestNovak:** shit fuck

**TheBestNovak has removed Driel from the conversation**

**LuckyLuci:** gabe why do we have this conversation?

**TheBestNovak:** ITS TIME WE TALK TO ANNA ABOUT HER WAYS

**banANNA:** fuck you gabe trying to tell me what to do

**Michael:** Anna….

**TheBestNovak:** STOP SUCKING DICK PLEASE

**TheBestNovak:** YOU ARE OUR L I T T L E  S I S T E R

**banANNA:** I didn’t even suck dick what are you talking about gross

**Michael:** Anna….

**banANNA:** AND SIDES WITH YOU GUYS AS MY OLDER BROTHERS I MEAN YOU GUYS ARE SUCH SLUTS

**Cassie:** no I’m not

**banANNA:** sorry cas you aren’t you’re the good older brother

**Cassie:** yay

**LuckyLuci:** I WAITED UNTIL I WAS 16 ANNA

**Cassie:** she is 16

**Michael:** she’s 16 how do you even forget this Lucifer

**LuckyLuci:** oh, well now I just don’t want her sucking dick cause she’s my little sister

**LucyLuci:** you’re not allowed to grow up Anna

**banANNA:** I WASN’T SUCKING DICK

**TheBestNovak:** THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING???

**banANNA:** listen I’m super gay, I was gonna tell everyone when you guys came home for thanksgiving I was gonna bake a rainbow cake and everything but there okay I admit it

**TheBestNovak:** shit so you weren’t sucking dick

**banANNA:** no I wasn’t 

**TheBestNovak:** so that means you were…

**banANNA:** please don’t say it out loud all of you guys have dicks this is uncomfortable

**Michael:** Anna… please be safe and use protection

**LuckyLuci:** even though you’re gay you still need protection

**TheBestNovak:** I use protection 

**LuckyLuci:** protection is what the cool kids use

**Michael:** no see now you two are just making everyone uncomfortable

**banANNA:** please let me d i e now

**Cassie:** Anna if you ever want to talk to someone I’m always here for you

**banANNA:** I know that already Cas you’re like the only one I trust

**LuckyLuci:** can I like leave now cause I got a class in two minutes

**TheBestNovak:** on a sunday???

**Michael:** go to class

**LuckyLuci:** ciao 

**banANNA:** so…. 

**TheBestNovak:** please stop… and also don’t tell Driel about it he’s too young to know about sex 

**banANNA:** you’re a little late tho like,,, he has the internet

**Cassie:** shh just.. Let him pretend

**TheBestNovak:** okay… love you sis… bye.

**Cassie:** he’s throwing up again

**Cassie:** oh wait wrong chat 

**banANNA:** IS HE THROWING UP BECAUSE OF ME??? REALLY??? I HAVE A HOMOPHOBIC BROTHER???? MY FUCKING BISEXUAL AS SHIT BOROUTHER IS HOMAOSPHONCOIC????

**Cassie:** no no.. he and Charlie challenged each other to see who could eat more pancakes, he’s throwing up the rest of his breakfast.

**Michael:** I’m gonna leave now

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Cassie:** he’s throwing up again

**JoJo:** what happened guys where did you go

**LittleMoose:** idk what you guys did but Anna left and she locked herself in her room

**LittleMoose:** me and Driel are really confused 

**Cassie:** don’t worry about it, I think she’ll be fine

**BigMoose:** oookay then

**TheBestNovak:** shit thanks for telling her im thROWING UP CAS

**Cassie:** I FIXED IT I FIXED IT SHUSH BROTHER

**TheBestNovak:** WAY TO MAKE OUR O N L Y SISTER HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK

**Cassie:** NO I GOT IT I FIXED IT SHUSH STOP IT LEAVE ME ALONE

**JoJo:** I feel super out of the loop here

**Masters:** I don’t like it

**Nerd:** nobody does

* * *

 

**“PINNING PIECES OF SHIT”**

**TheBestNovak added LittleMoose back to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** Okay but real talk why did Dean and Cas suddenly make up??

**Nerd:** I say they fucked last night

**LittleMoose:** stop 

**Masters:** listen sister I’ve had my fair share of one night stands, those two didn’t fuck

**JoJo:** how the hell can you tell?

**Masters:** they looked really like,,, relaxed and stuff. They don’t look like they fucked each others brains out

**Masters:** also they were completely okay with each other, like no weirdness. 

**Nerd:** who says they gotta be weird about it

**TheBestNovak:** no im with meg on this one have you fucking met my brother??

**LittleMoose:** have you fucking met my brother? Dean “I dont have feelings” Winchester? 

**Nerd:** shit tru tru

**JoJo:** okay super off topic but there’s this super hot guy in one of my classes and for once I don’t know how to approach him and ask him to fuck me what the fuck

**Masters:** do it like you usually do 

**Masters:** “Hi I’m Jo Harvelle and I’m a super slut wanna fuck me?” 

**JoJo:** okay I can hear how you’d say that in my voice and let me just say I do not appreciate it

**Nerd:** Just ask him out Jo

**Nerd:** wait until the third date and just let me and Meg know so we don’t gotta be in the apartment when you two finally have sex

**JoJo:** THATS FUNNY YALL THINK ID BRING HIM TO OUR HOUSE???

**LittleMoose:** Um I 

**TheBestNovak:** technically its an apartment

**JoJo:** shut up

**Nerd:** o tru tru yeah dont show him where we live

**Masters:** ten bucks says he’s a mass murderer in the making

**Nerd:** no that’s my luck

**Nerd:** if I for whatever stupid reason ever got a crush on a penis holder it is I who would date the future mass murderer

**TheBestNovak:** “penis holder”

**Nerd:** I mean,,,

**Masters:** k but tru

**JoJo:** nah I’m pretty sure he’s not a future mass murderer

**JoJo:** but i mean i havent seen his dick yet he might murder someone with that yanno what i mean

**Masters:** if you need a condom I have a box in my nightstand just fyi

**Nerd:** I don’t have any

**Masters:** Charlie, 

**Masters:** One you’re fucking gay you dont need a condom for a dick. 

**Masters:** Two you aint a certified Slut like me and Jo. You have barely come out of the apartment since we moved in

**Nerd:** oh yeah… 

**LittleMoose:** I’m uncomfortable.

**TheBestNovak:** Get over it Sam people have sex

**TheBestNovak:** but STILL WE GOTTA FOCUS YOU IDIOTS

**JoJo:** fuck off I had a serious question

**JoJo:** and seriously we aint gonna get Dean and Cas together unless we lock them in a room and confess their feelings FOR THEM

**Nerd:** thats p tru

**Masters:** I say we give up bc those two aint gonna fuck anytime soon

**TheBestNovak:** tbh I don’t think they’ll ever fuck

**TheBestNovak:** even if they get together I’m p sure Cas is like ace but just hasn’t admitted it

**Nerd:** what makes ya say that? 

**TheBestNovak:** Idk I have a feeling

**Masters:** or maybe he just doesn’t wanna jerk off when he has like a hundred siblings that could walk in on him but okay gabe

**TheBestNovak:** I don’t think me Luci and Mikey are even phased by it anymore

**TheBestNovak:** EXCEPT IF I SAW ANNA OR OR SAMANDRIEL I WOUDL FUCKING CRY

**TheBestNovak:** they smol

**LittleMoose:** I’m even more uncomfortable now

**JoJo:** Incident

**LittleMoose:** I’ll fucking leave

**Masters:** so Sam do you still remember every detail???

**TheBestNovak:** wanna tell us that one detail you apparently left out

**LittleMoose has left the conversation**

**JoJo:** when is that kid gonna stop being afraid of sex he’s like 14 

**Masters:** maybe we’ll find out that Sam’s ace

**Nerd:** or he’s just uncomfortable bc we’re practically his other siblings and he doesn’t wanna think about us having sex

**TheBestNovak:** that would make sense

**Masters:** good job nerd

**Nerd:** come over here and fight me

**JoJo:** I’m not breaking you two up if you fight

**Masters:** thats fine I’ll beat her ass

**Nerd:** COME FIGHT ME

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** who thinks Meg should fight me so I can beat her up

**BigMoose:** full offence, you wouldn’t win Charlie

**LittleMoose:** offense

**BigMoose:** remember that time that you tried to put on a one man production of Lion King but Charlie’s cat scratched you and you cried for like three hours

**LittleMoose:** I WAS FOUR 

**BigMoose:** YOU WERE FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD 

**Nerd:** okay but my cat was a bitch Bless Her Heart may she Rest In Peace

**Masters:** awe but Jill was super cute and cuddly

**JoJo:** yeah to you Meg

**JoJo:** talk to the SCARS on my BODY

**Cassie:** that cat was the actual devil

**Cassie:** and I say that knowing my brothers Lucifer Novak and Michael Novak

**Nerd:** OKAY BUT WE STILL HAVENT DECIDED WHO SAYS MEG SHOULD FUCKING FIGHT ME

**TheBestNovak:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

**JoJo:** I’ll record it

**Masters:** BITCH I CANT EVEN FIND YOU WHERE ARE YOU

**Masters:** YOU WONT JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE??? YOU JUST GONNA SCREAM???

**Nerd:** follow the sounds of my throat 

**JoJo:** this may actually be why Charlie doesn’t have sex a lot

**JoJo:** she scares everyone away

**Nerd:** fuck you okay you can fight me after Meg

**JoJo:** after Meg I’m gonna be patching you up you really wanna go???

**Nerd:** no

**Cassie:** why did it go silent it’s been like ten minutes

**JoJo:** me and Meg left the apartment

**BigMoose:** why???

**LittleMoose:** please don’t tell me Charlie’s dead I like Charlie

**Nerd:** COME BACK PLEAAASE

**Masters:** because we found her in the bathtub with her comforter watching fucking Avatar The Last Airbender and eating ramen noodles and we refuse to associate with her rn

**Nerd:** IS IT BECAUSE OF ATLA???

**Masters:** that part is fine

**JoJo:** its cause your fucking

**JoJo:** why couldn’t you do that in your bed why are you in the fucking bathtub

**Nerd:** I FEEL SNUGGLED AND SAFE

**Nerd:** MAYBE IF YOU BITCHES WOULD CUDDLE WITH ME I WOULDNT BE LIKE THIS

**TheBestNovak:** PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE A PICTURE PLEASE PLEASE

**Masters has sent a photo**

**BigMoose:** Charlie why are you like this

**Nerd:** LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY GODDAMN NOODLES

**TheBestNovak:** I can’t I gotta roast you

**Nerd:** BITCH AT LEAST I DONT GOT S T I C K Y F I N G E R S

**TheBestNovak:** LET IT GO 

**Cassie:** no don’t we never remind him of his sticky fingers at Thanksgiving

**Cassie:** someone has to do it

**Nerd:** BITCH YOUR FINGERS ARE ALWAYS STICK YOU NEVER WASH THEM AND THEY STICK TO EVERYTHING LIKE I HOPE YOU DONT GO INTO STORES TOUCHIN EVERYTHING CAUSE THEN YOUR SOILING ALL THE SHIT THE POOR PEOPLE THAT GOTTA BE BUYING IT AFTER YOUR GROSS FINGERS TOUCHED THEM

**LittleMoose:** damn okay then

**JoJo:** Okay we’re coming back now Charlie 

**Masters:** only to high five you

**Masters:** if you’re still in the bathtub we’re leaving right after

**Nerd:** if I get out will you guys watch ATLA with me?

**JoJo:** yeah we will

**Nerd:** noice

**TheBestNovak:** I wanted to say something back but I don’t have anything to say

**Cassie:** thank god

**TheBestNovak:** you wannf cuking go brother??

**Cassie:** I mean I got Dean and he’s taller than you

**BigMoose:** I dont want his sticky fingers touching me 

**Cassie:** okay but I still have Michael and Lucifer

**TheBestNovak:** they’re not here tho

**Cassie:** they’re two hours away tho so like…

**TheBestNovak:** fine I get it 

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll back off if you promise me one thing

**Cassie:** ???

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll pm u

**Masters:** shit I feel like burr rn wtf

**LittleMoose:** ???

**Masters:** dont worry bout it samantha

**LittleMoose:** come home and fight me

**BigMoose:** why is everyone telling everyone to fight each other

**Masters:** why is everyone telling ME to fight them

**Masters:** like I will take you all

**Masters:** yall are all weak shits

**JoJo:** excuse you???

**Masters:** you fucking heard me weak shit

**JoJo:** I will fight you

**BigMoose:** WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO FIGHT MEG TODAY???

**Masters:** they all have this idea in their head that they can take me

**LittleMoose:** where’s gabe and cas

**LittleMoose:** they’ve been away for a long time???

**BigMoose:** idk 

**JoJo:** gabes probably telling cas to confess his love to dean

**BigMoose:** Cas doesn’t “love” me? 

**BigMoose:** we’re friends

**Nerd:** that sounds fake but.. okay 

**Masters:** whatever you say Dean

**LittleMoose:** dean you should do it first

**LittleMoose:** that way you’re tougher than Cas cause you Confessed first

**BigMoose:** cONFESSED WHAT/???? THAT WE R FRIENDS???

**Masters:** jfc all this no homo is making me wanna 

**Nerd:** wanna what

**Masters:** idk I couldn’t think of a phrase 

**Masters:** just know that the no homo pisses me off a lot

**TheBestNovak:** k we back we kool we kool

**Masters:** if you’re spelling cool with a k your not

**LittleMoose:** *you’re

**Masters:** *yo’r’e’r’t’e’’’r’e’’e’rre’’sa’f

**JoJo:** what the actual fuck

**Masters:** idk leave me alone

**Nerd:** yall gotta shut the fuck up cause I am trying to WATCH ATLA

**Masters:** we’ve all seen the whole show like 70 times I think we can all quote it

**Nerd:** SHUSH

**TheBestNovak:** jfc I don’t even need a dildo bc of this chat 

**TheBestNovak:** I could just turn this phone on vibrate and shove it up my ass

**JoJo:** thanks for informing us

**LittleMoose:** okay gabes back but where the fuck is cas

**BigMoose:** cas where u at

**Cassie:** I’m here

**LittleMoose:** y u silent

**Cassie:** I’m usually silent 

**TheBestNovak:** don’t worry about him he’s just strange

**TheBestNovak:** has been ever since he was born

**Cassie:** how would you know

**TheBestNovak:** cause im a Kool Kid

**BigMoose:** stop yourself there

**TheBestNovak:** fine fuck you guys 

**TheBestNovak:** I’m gonna go hang out with my roommate

**Masters:** your roommate hates you

**TheBestNovak:** that’s the fun part

**Nerd:** ATLA

**LittleMoose:** I’m going to just,,, go to sleep?

**BigMoose:** you do that bro

**LittleMoose:** k I will

* * *

 

**Cassie created a conversation with BigMoose**

**Cassie:** you wanna go out and get chinese food

**BigMoose:** we literally had some last night 

**Cassie:** wanna go out and get pizza

**BigMoose:** it’s like three in the afternoon

**Cassie:** wanna go out and get coffee

**BigMoose:** k fine I’ll meet you at the usual place?

**Cassie:** yep see you there in ten

**BigMoose:** okay but you’re paying

**Conversation Deleted**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I made Jo slutty too. (I keep throwing that word around... I hope nobody is offended by it. I don't really think of it as negative just a shorter way of saying sexually active...)  
> Wow with both of these notes you can like tell that I had a long ass nap today lmao I'm more worried about everything.  
> ANYWAY so yeah I threw this together super fast cause I wanted to get this chapter out cause now that I have studying to do for finals next week I'm not entirely sure when I'll be able to next update I'm really booked this week and texted including both weekends.  
> As always, leave comments and tell me your theories on anything. I enjoy when people comment.   
> I hope you enjoyed the Novak Meeting™ cause I like writing about the Novaks. They definitely will be showing up in other chapters too, this isn't the last of them.   
> Bye!


	10. Shit Goes Down (And Gets Serious)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel has some big news  
> And everyone has to address a big problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: This isn't as serious as I at first believed it to be. Hope you enjoy!

**“Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** NONE OF YOU GUYS ARE HOME BUT GABE IS OUTSIDE OUR DOOR SCREAMING

 **Masters:** WHY IS HE THERE

 **Nerd:** I DONT KNOW

 **Nerd:** HES NOT EVEN SCREAMING WORDS HES JUST SCREAMING

 **LittleMoose:** WHATS GOING ON

 **TheBestNovak:** LET ME IN LET ME IN

 **Cassie:** Gabe please

 **BigMoose:** GABRIEL PLEASE

 **TheBestNovak:** PLEASE LET ME IN HAVE I GOT FUCKING NEWS FOR YOU

 **TheBestNovak:** PLEASE DEAN WAS RUNNING AFTER ME HES GONNA KILL ME

 **LittleMoose:** WELL DONT JUST KEEP IT TO YOURSELF TELL US ALL

 **Nerd:** IM COMING IM COMING

 **Cassie:** Gabe….

 **JoJo:** SHIT WHY YOU GOTTA DO THIS WHEN IM AT WORK

 **JoJo:** MY BOSS MIGHT FIRE MY ASS BUT IM GONNA GO HIDE BEHIND THE COFFEE BEAN STACK K

 **Masters:** IM TRYING TO BUY FURNITURE AT IKEA

 **LittleMoose:** ALONE?????

 **Masters:** ALONE!!!!

 **LittleMoose:** WHY????

 **Masters:** BECAUSE MY ROOMMATES H A T E ME

 **JoJo:** BITCH NO I DONT???

 **JoJo:** IM AT WORK I HAVE AN EXCUSE

 **JoJo:** CHARLIE IS THE LAZY BITCH

 **Nerd:** EXCUSE ME???

 **Nerd:** I OFFERED TO GO ANY OTHER DAY BUT TODAY

 **Nerd:** THERE IS A  H A R R Y  P O T T E R  MARATHON

 **Masters:** WE DONT HAVE ANY MORE TIME WE NEED FURNITURE AND WE NEED IT NOW

 **TheBestNovak:** MY THROAT IS STARTING TO HURT PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR

 **Nerd:** SHIT FUCK IM COMING SORRY

 **Nerd:** OKAY BUT FAIR WARNING I DONT HAVE PANTS ON I JUST HAVE LIKE THOSE GIRL BOXER THINGS

 **TheBestNovak:** YOU’RE LIKE MY SISTER IDGAF

 **Nerd:** OKAY

 **Nerd:** JUST MAKING SURE

 **TheBestNovak:** P SURE I HAVE SEEN YOU HALF NAKED BEFORE BUT K

 **Nerd:** LISTEN I F O R G O T

 **TheBestNovak:** OPEN THE DOOR. STOP HAVING IT BE CLOSED.

 **Nerd:** DONT MEME ME BITCH

 **Masters:** I GOT LOST IN IKEA SO NOW IM FREE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED

 **BigMoose:** let me in

 **Nerd:** NO

 **TheBestNovak:** FUCKING HELL DEAN IS BOUT TO GO ALL HERE’S JOHNNY ON OUR ASS

 **Cassie:** Im

 **LittleMoose:** WHAT AHPEPPENED???

 **Masters:** STOP LEAVING US IN THE DARK GABE YOU HAVE TO SHARE

 **Nerd:** HOOOOOOO SHIT GUYS WHEN YOU GET HOME WE GOT SOME SHIT TO TALK ABOUT

 **JoJo:** WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I GET A FUCKING JOB YALL GOTTA GO STARTIN DRAMA AND I CANT TAKE OFF WORK

 **Masters:** CAUSE JOBS FUCKING SUCK HAHA EAT DICK

 **JoJo:** SOMEONES GOTTA PAY FOR OUR APARTMENT YOU IDIOT

 **Masters:** MAKE CHARLIE WORK TOO THEN SHE DONT DO SHIT

 **Nerd:** I

 **Cassie:** charlie

 **Nerd:** I CANT IM CRYING OHMYGOD

 **BigMoose:** LET ME IN

 **BigMoose:** YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE STARING AT ME

 **Nerd:** STOP FUCKING SCREAMING YOU LITTLE SHIT

 **TheBestNovak:** IM GONA DI OMYGOD

 **Cassie:** do I get any say in whats going down

 **Nerd:** NO

 **TheBestNovak:** NO

 **Masters:** PLEASE IM LOST IN IKEA PLEASE SEND ME WHATS GOING DOWN

 **TheBestNovak:** CAS AND DEAN FUCKED

 **BigMoose:** NO WE DIDNT

 **TheBestNovak:** I HAVE VIDEO PROOF THAT THEY WERE IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER

 **JoJo:** HOLY FUCK UFFUCKFUCKFUCJ

 **Masters:** BITCH SEND IT

 **LittleMoose:** OH FUCK JESUS CHRIST

**TheBestNovak has sent a video**

**Masters:** OH MY GOD DEAN

 **Cassie:** please we didn’t have sex

 **LittleMoose:** SOTP SUAIG THAST WORKD

 **Masters:** SEX SEX SEX SEX

 **Masters:** PENIS AND VAGINA

 **Masters:** I MEAN PENIS AND ANUS IN THIS CASE BUT

 **LittleMoose:** sTOP IT

 **BigMoose:** WE DIDNT HAVE SEX

 **Nerd:** WHY ARE YOU NAKED

 **BigMoose:** WE HAD BOXERS ON

 **BigMoose:** WE FELL ASLEEP AFTER HAVING CHINESE TAKE OUT

 **Cassie:** We were up late talking and I didn’t wanna walk back to my room

 **TheBestNovak:** DEANS ROOMMATE WAS AT HIS S/O’S ROOM YOU COULD HAVE SLEPT IN THE BOTTOM BUNK

 **TheBestNovak:** BUT YA DIDNT CASSIE DID YOU

 **Cassie:** dont call me cassie

 **TheBestNovak:** YOU JUST RLLY RLLY WANTED TO SLEEP WITH DEAN

 **Nerd:** IM HOLLERING BC DEAN FUCKING JUMPS OUT OF THE BED LIKE HES JUST WOKEN UP DURING THE WAR AND A BOMB WENT OFF

 **Nerd:** AND THEN THERE’S CAS.. WHO JUST ROLLS OVER AND CASUALLY FALLS OUT OF THE TOP BUNK BED SCREAMING SOMETHING

 **Nerd:** WHAT IS HE SCREAMING???

 **JoJo:** goddammit i was laughing too loud it is time I leave

 **TheBestNovak:** AFTER CLOSE EXAMINATION I HAVE FOUND THAT HE IS SCREAMING “fUCKINGHELLSHITDICK” IN ONE LONG WORD OHMYGOD THATS THE MOST CURSING I HAVE E V E R HEARD CAS UTTER IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE

 **Masters:** IM JUST SCREAMING IN THE MIDDLE OF IKEA PEOPLE ARE LOOKINGA T M ES TRANGE

 **BigMoose:** WE WERE COLD

 

**Cassie created a convo with BigMoose**

**Cassie:** so….

 **BigMoose:** if I kill your brother will you still pay for chinese take out sometimes

 **Cassie:** no bc I’m killing my brother before you get to

 **Cassie:** if you dump his body in the river I’ll pay for all our food

 **BigMoose:** deal

 **Cassie:** someone’s knocking on your door what do I do

 **BigMoose:** generally the reaction is to open it

 **Cassie:** I don’t want to

 **Cassie:** I can’t talk to people right now

 **BigMoose:** fine I’m on my way back

 **BigMoose:** go wrap yourself in my blanket I’ll be back in less than 10

 **Cassie:** okay I’ll just be really silent

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** deans leaving?????

 **TheBestNovak:** does this mean that im safe

 **BigMoose:** your fucking lucky that Cas might panic back at my room thats what it means

 **Masters:** Clarence want me to find my way out of ikea and come over

 **Cassie:** no stay away

 **LittleMoose:** oh is the fun over now

 **BigMoose:** never started in my opinion

 **Nerd:** I’m sorry Cas

 **TheBestNovak:** Cas you want me to come over?

 **Cassie:** no you guys stay away

 **BigMoose:** its my room so…

 **Cassie:** not you idiot

 **BigMoose:** oh, okay that makes sense

 **Cassie:** but fuck you why did you tell them I’m panicking

 **BigMoose:** sorry

 **Nerd:** Cas we don’t judge you for this you know that

 **Nerd:** we’re always here for you

 

**TheBestNovak changed “PINING PIECES OF SHIT” to “We Fucked Up”**

**TheBestNovak:** guys…

 **LittleMoose:** I mean but this has been a running joke since you guys were like twelve

 **Nerd:** But these last few months I think we pushed it a little too far

 **TheBestNovak:** I think it stopped being funny because we pushed it too far

 **Masters:** Yeah I think we fucked up

 **Nerd:** shit

 **LittleMoose:** is there a sympathy card that says “sorry that we were assholes and kept pushing you to date your best friend”

 **Masters:** I still stand by the fact that they definitely have chemistry

 **Masters:** but we just took it too far meddling with their lives

 **Nerd:** yeah same Meg, but also I don’t think a card would help Sam

 **LittleMoose:** I’ll try to call Dean later today but not right now

 **Masters:** what if we throw a little sleepover party

 **Nerd:** wow that sounds very,,, nice

 **Masters:** what are you implying punk

 **Nerd:** nevermind

 **TheBestNovak:** Idk would they go for it?

 **Nerd:** we can get together and let them pick all the movies at our apartment

 **Nerd:** this weekend

 **Masters:** yeah we can pull all our mattresses out to the livingroom and have a giant sleepover

 **LittleMoose:** what about me?

 **Nerd:** an Adult™ sleepover

 **LittleMoose:** adult my ass

 **TheBestNovak:** listen Sam you’re not getting up here in time for the sleepover get over it

 **LittleMoose:** fine fine

 **LittleMoose:** I’ll call them and apologize

 **Masters:** man cant wait until Jo hears about our plan

 **JoJo:** I’m off work now and I would be mad except that we did fuck up so I’m not

 **JoJo:** you think they’d let me in if I knocked???

 **Masters:** no

 **Nerd:** no Dean seemed pretty angry

 **TheBestNovak:** I wanna say sorry again but idk if Cas would respond

 **JoJo:** probably not

 **TheBestNovak:** I’ll try

 

**TheBestNovak created a conversation with LuckyLuci**

**TheBestNovak:** Listen Cas I’m really sorry that we took it so far and I know you probably won’t read this for a while but we’re all really sorry. We didn’t realize it was bothering you guys that much we were just joking.

 **TheBestNovak:** oh fuck

 **LuckyLuci:** Gabriel Novak what did you do to our brother

 **TheBestNovak:** Nothing! We’re just playing a game and we took it a little too far!

 **LuckyLuci:** Gabriel I’m gonna ask Cas what happened and if I find out you weren’t “just playing a game” I will be there in an hour tops to personally beat your ass up

 **TheBestNovak:** please don’t

 

**TheBestNovak created a conversation with Cassie**

**TheBestNovak:** LISTEN CAS I KNOW THAT WE WERE REALLY MEAN AND WE DESERVE TO GET BEATEN UP BUT LISTEN IF LUCI ASKS WHAT HAPPENED PLEASE JUST TELL HIM WE TOOK A GAME TOO FAR I DONT WANNA DIE

 

**LuckyLuci created a conversation with Cassie**

**LuckyLuci:** Hey little bro

 **Cassie:** Hey Lucifer?

 **LuckyLuci:** How are things huh? I haven’t talked to you in a while

 **Cassie:** they’re… meh.

 **LuckyLuci:** Really? What’s wrong?

 **Cassie:** I’ll tell you later I don’t feel like talking about it right now

 **LuckyLuci:** Okay Cas, just know that you can talk to me alright?

 **Cassie:** I know Lucifer, thank you

 

**Cassie >>>>  TheBestNovak**

**Cassie:** you’re lucky I just saved your ass a couple more hours

 

**“We Fucked Up”**

**TheBestNovak:** IM DEAD IM DEAD IM DEAD IM DEAD

 **Nerd:** WHAT THE FUCK YOU J U S T LEFT THE APARTMENT WHAT DID YOU DO

**TheBestNovak has sent two pictures**

**Masters:** HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU

 **JoJo:** NOT ONLY HAVE YOU PLAYED YOURSELF GABE BUT US TOO

 **TheBestNovak:** MAMA LUCI IS GONNA FUCKING MURDER ME

 **Nerd:** WHAT DOES CAS MEAN BY HE SAVED YOUR ASS A FEW HOURS????

 **TheBestNovak:** IT MEANS HE DIDNT TELL LUCIFER BUT HE MIGHT TELL LUCI LATER

 **LittleMoose:** HOLY FUCK GABE WHAT THE HELL????

 **TheBestNovak:** THIS IS IT

 **TheBestNovak:** THIS IS THE E N D

 **Nerd:** ~its the end of the world as we know it~

 **JoJo:** it was nice knowing yall

 **Masters:** I know I never said it enough guys, but I love you

 **JoJo:** then come home and cuddle with me and Charlie

 **Masters:** I CANT

 **Masters:** IM LOST IN FUCKING IKEA

 **Masters:** AND THE NEW KID IS TRYING TO FIND THE WAY OUT BUT NOW HES LOST

 

**LuckyLuci has started a conversation with Michael**

**LuckyLuci:** i think gabe fucked up

 **Michael:** what did he do this time

 **Michael:** also I swear to God Lucifer if you bring another girl home and slam that bed frame against the wall in between our rooms one more time

 **Michael:** I’ll break your bed.

 **LuckyLuci:** violent and kinky, maybe thats why nobody wants to sleep with you

 **LuckyLuci:** Not the point of this convo Mikey

 **Michael:** fine what’s the point of this convo

**LuckyLuci has sent two pictures**

**Michael:** Goddammit what did Gabriel do now

 **LuckyLuci:** I DONT KNOW BUT CAS WONT TELL ME

 **Michael:** maybe we should just surprise visit them?

 **LuckyLuci:** It takes about forty five minutes to get there… that’s not that long we could probably do that

 **Michael:** where is Cas?

 **LuckyLuci:** I think he’s in Dean’s room

 **Michael:** how do we sneak into the dorm rooms?

 **LuckyLuci:** The RA probably owes me a favor, half of New York owes me a favor

 **LuckyLuci:** I got this

 **Michael:** cool I’ll pack us overnight clothes

 **LuckyLuci:** I’ll go get the car

 

**BigMoose >>>> Cassie**

**BigMoose:** hi

 **Cassie:** why are you texting me we’re right next to each other?

 **BigMoose:** who were you texting before

 **Cassie:** why didn’t you ask out loud

 **BigMoose:** trying not to disturb the peace

 **Cassie:** you were reading over my shoulder I know you were

 **BigMoose:** actually I have boundaries unlike some certain people

 **BigMoose:** I’m not saying Gabe but.

 **BigMoose:** no yeah I’m saying Gabe.

 **Cassie:** he means well…

 **Cassie:** he just doesn’t understand that some things are private

 **BigMoose:** He’s stupid

 **Cassie:** I know

 **BigMoose:** how’s he gonna get a business degree??

 **Cassie:** cheating probably

 **BigMoose:** well when his business crashes to the ground we’ll have a party okay?

 **Cassie:** I shouldn’t celebrate my big headed brother’s failures.

 **BigMoose:** Too bad I’ve already made the plans

 **Cassie:** okay can we stop texting now?

 **BigMoose:** yeah okay

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**TheBestNovak:** Okay listen here guys - L

 **Masters:** ???

 **TheBestNovak:** It’s Lucifer and Michael and we’re in town and we’re here for blood - L

 **JoJo:** Still confused???

 **Cassie:** Why are you guys here

 **BigMoose:** Is Gabe still alive

 **TheBestNovak:** Yeah he’s still alive I just took his phone - L

 **TheBestNovak:** He says he’s sorry and he’ll never break into your room again - L

 **BigMoose:** jfc okay then

 **TheBestNovak:** We all good Cas? - L

 **Cassie:** Yeah… it wasn’t that big of a deal guys

 **TheBestNovak:** Yeah but you’re the good brother so we had to be good brothers too - L

 **Cassie:** thanks guys see you at Thanksgiving

 **TheBestNovak:** Bye guys! - L/M

 **Nerd:** that was… something

 **TheBestNovak:** HOLY FUCK I HAVE NVER BEN SO CARS

 **LittleMoose:** cars?

 **TheBestNovak:** SCARED***

 **Cassie:** They wouldn’t have even hurt you though

 **TheBestNovak:** YES THEY WOULD HAVE

 **Cassie:** No they won’t, they’re our brothers they wouldn’t have physically harmed you

 **TheBestNovak:** IS THERE SOME KINDA GUIDE FOR THE YOUNGER SIBLINGS OF MICHAEL AND LUCIFER NOVAK THAT I MISSED OUT ON

 **Cassie:** No, I guess you’re just stupid.

 **LittleMoose:** OOOOOOOOOOO

 **TheBestNovak:** shut up Sam u punk

 **BigMoose:** Okay listen up guys

 **BigMoose:** We just need space for a little bit

 **BigMoose:** so stop fucking apologizing and just let us keep watching The Office

 **Cassie:** Yes please

 **Masters:** Oookay…

 **Masters:** Does a sleepover at our apartment work this weekend?

 **Cassie:** I’m fine with it

 **BigMoose:** I’m good with it

 **TheBestNovak:** I’m down

 **JoJo:** I live here so..

 **Nerd:** ye same

 **LittleMoose:** I WANNA COME WHAT THE HECK??!??!?!!?!??

 **BigMoose:** no kids allowed

 **LittleMoose:** FUCK YOU GUYS IM GONNA HANG WITH DRIEL AND ANNA

 **Cassie:** No you’re not Driel has a big test coming up next week he’s studying

 **Cassie:** and Anna is busy

 **LittleMoose:** BUSY WITH WHAT????

 **Cassie:** busy not associating herself with you

 **TheBestNovak:** CAS CAN I COME OVER TO HIGH FIVE YOU FOR THAT ONE??

 **Cassie:** Not unless you’re the pizza delivery guy

 **Masters:** Shit Clarence you’re on a roll today

 **BigMoose:** Okay we’re going back to our shows bye guys

 **JoJo:** Damn okay then

 **Masters:** yeah hey hello someone wanna help me out of ike

 **Masters:** OH MY GOOODO

 **Nerd:** WHAT???

 **Masters:** WE FOUND THE EXIT

 **Nerd:** U STILL ARENT HOME???

 **Masters:** HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE I HAVE BEEN GONE L I T E R A L L Y ALL DAY

 **Nerd:** IM RLLY TIRED SRRY

 **Nerd:** COME HOME AND CUDDLE WITH ME AND JO

 **JoJo:** bring your comfiest pjs

 **TheBestNovak:** who am I supposed to cuddle with tonight

 **Masters:** your vibrator

 **LittleMoose:** MY EYES MY SWEET INNOCENT EYES

 **TheBestNovak:** “innocent” thats a funny joke

 **LittleMoose:** bitch you wanna go

 **TheBestNovak:** yeah ur still shorter than me

 **LittleMoose:** ACTUALLY BIH IM AN INCH TALLER THAN YOU COME FIGHT ME

 **JoJo:** okay but 2 b fair sam you have a heel on your shoes and gabe always wears flat shoes

 **LittleMoose:** When I Die, Then You Will Realize

 **JoJo:** k no u kno what? I will not tolerate this

**JoJo has removed LittleMoose from the conversation**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm Editing this note because it's Real Fucking Depressing™ and now I'm weird about it being up)  
> SO YEAH Apparently this chapter isn't all that depressing which made me just wipe the sweat off my brow cause I was posting it like "Wow everyone's gonna hate me for bringing all the serious shit here"  
> Anyway here's a line from the next chapter:  
>  **BigMoose:** Sam just called me and I answered and all I heard was screaming so I hung up
> 
>  
> 
> COOL You'll probably have to wait for like a week to find out what the fuck was going on bc I have my math final tomorrow, then Friday a sweet 16 and Saturday I get to work with kids and their super annoying parents Yay! So I have no idea when I'll be able to finish another chapter.   
> PLEASE COMMENT PLEASE


	11. Samantha What's Good?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is screaming and receipts are brought up.   
> Also, hopefully a few things are cleared up.

**“Fuck You All”**

**BigMoose:** So Sam just called me and when I picked up he was just screaming so I hung up on him

**TheBestNovak:** what the fuck

**Cassie:** ???

**Nerd:** Is Sam okay

**JoJo:** Has Sam ever been okay

**Masters has added LittleMoose back to the conversation**

**Masters:** Samantha u good

**LittleMoose:** Sorry I was babysitting

**TheBestNovak:** I mean I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on babysitting

**TheBestNovak:** but I don’t think you’re supposed to scream

**LittleMoose:** The stupid kid was climbing into the oven

**JoJo:** What the fuck

**BigMoose:** Wait lets go back to the fact that someone trusted Sam with their child

**LittleMoose:** Excuse?? You??? I’ll have you know that I’m fucking trustworthy

**BigMoose:** “I’m fucking trustworthy” he says

**Cassie:** Dean please

**Nerd:** nah let him go I wanna see a good roast

**BigMoose:** This coming from the kid who tried to make tea but instead burned himself

**LittleMoose:** listen

**BigMoose:** This coming from the kid who nearly cut his finger off trying to cut up a tomato

**LittleMoose:** liSTEN

**BigMoose:** This coming from the kid who almost put a fork in an outlet just to see what would happen

**Cassie:** No dean 

**LittleMoose:** DEAN I DID THAT BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS DARED ME TO

**BigMoose:** This

**BigMoose:** okay I retract that one

**BigMoose:** doesn’t change the fact that you shouldn’t be trusted to take care of yourself let alone another smol human being

**Masters:** can we go back to the kid climbing into the oven

**LittleMoose:** I mean

**Nerd:** No seriously why was the kid climbing into the oven

**TheBestNovak:** Sam’s probably just covering for the fact that he tried to cook the kid Hansel and Gretel style

**LittleMoose:** no? 

**LittleMoose:** this kid is like 6 and he fucking hates me

**JoJo:** understandable

**LittleMoose:** wtf love me

**Nerd:** I love you Sam

**Nerd:** now go on with your story

**LittleMoose:** So I show up early to talk to the parents again right? And like all the other times we met before the kid was always perfect and like super sweet right? 

**LittleMoose:** As soon as the parents left this kid started being the biggest fucking shit ever

**Nerd:** continue

**LittleMoose:** He keeps trying to hurt himself because “I don’t like you” and “I want my mommy and daddy” hE IS FUCKING SIX YEARS OLD

**LittleMoose:** and apparently he wants his parents to fuCKING HATE ME

**BigMoose:** I get him tho

**BigMoose:** I don’t like you either

**LittleMoose:** do you want your mommy and daddy too Dean?

**LittleMoose:** are the Big Kids at college being mean to you? 

**Masters:** Damn okay then

**Cassie:** So how are you texting right now

**LittleMoose:** I gave him a kids nyquil like a half hour ago and it’s finally done it’s job so he’s in bed early

**TheBestNovak:** Now like I said before, I’m not an expert babysitter but I don’t think you’re supposed to drug the kids

**LittleMoose:** L I S T E N 

**LittleMoose:** I HAVE WATCHED THIS KID TRY TO TUMBLE DOWN THE STAIRS AND TRY TO C O O K HIMSELF AND TRY TO DROP SCISSORS ON HIS FEET AND TRY TO GET BITTEN BY THE NEIGHBORS DOG

**JoJo:** jesus fuck

**LittleMoose:** I WILL FUCKING DRUG HIM IF I FUCKING HAVE TO

**Nerd:** does this kid know that any of those things could kill you

**LittleMoose:** lmao naw he’s six he’s really stupid he thinks he could just get hurt or somethin

**Masters:** Wait Gabe you have three younger siblings

**Cassie:** two

**Masters:** wouldn’t you be like an expert babysitter

**Cassie:** I’m a fucking month younger than gabe 

**Cassie:** And no because I was the one who watched Anna and Samandriel while Gabe broke into the pantry and ate all the candy

**TheBestNovak:** y u gotta out me like this

**Cassie:** why did you have to eat all my halloween candy

**TheBestNovak:** L I S T E N

**Nerd:** shit how many people are getting roasted today

**TheBestNovak:** LISTEN HERE YOU HAMILTON FUCKER I WAS JUST TRYNA HAVE SOME FUN BUT I DIDNT HAVE THE MONEY TO HAVE A COSTUME WHILE ALL YOU YOUNGINS WERE ABLE TO GO ALL OUT AND GET SO MUCH CANDY WHILE I HAD TO WATCH YOU GUYS AND MAKE SURE NONE OF YALL GOT KILLED AND L I S T E N I WAS TESTING THE CANDY SO THAT NONE OF YALL GOT POISONED OR SOME SHIT I LOVE YOU GUYS I DIDNT WNAT TO SEE YOU GUYS DIE WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME FUCK YOU CASTIEL 

**BigMoose:** CAS IS TO ANGRY TO ANSWER BACK HES JUST RANTING IN MY DORM ROOM

**Nerd:** crYING

**BigMoose:** ALL 5’5” OF HIM IS PACING BACK AND FORTH

**BigMoose:** HES MORE MAD THAT GABE IMPLIED HE’D FUCK HAMILTON THAN ANYTHING ELSE

**Cassie:** IM 5’8” ACTUALLY I AM A NORMAL HEIGHT FOR A NORMAL MALE SO YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF

**BigMoose:** gladly

**Cassie:** AND YOU GABRIEL NOVAK

**Cassie:** I WOULD NOT FUCK ALEXANDER HAMILTON 

**Cassie:** HE AND HIS OLD CRUSTY ASS CAN GO GET FUCKED BY A CACTUS

**Cassie:** AND WE BOTH HAD MONEY YOU IDIOT YOU WERE JUST “TOO LAZY” TO FIND A COSTUME

**Masters:** tag urself I’m “I am a normal height for a normal male so you can go fuck yourself”

**Nerd:** IM “GO GET FUCKED BY A CACTUS”

**LittleMoose:** IM “OLD CRUSTY ASS” 

**TheBestNovak:** I’m offended

**BigMoose:** I’m hollering he’s still ranting out loud

**JoJo:** are we not gonna discuss that Dwan would gladly fuck himself

**Nerd:** Dwan

**JoJo:** Fuck

**LittleMoose:** Dwan

**BigMoose:** Hi I’m Dwan Winchester that me

**Masters:** You’re not allowed to live this down

**JoJo:** dOESNT ANYONE REMEMBER CLAM DWON

**Masters:** yeah but Dwan is newer

**JoJo:** goddammit

**BigMoose:** “cant believe he’d imply that I’d fuck Alexander Hamilton. DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY THAT WANTS TO FUCK. ALEXANDER GODDAMN HAMILTON????” HES SO ANGRY

**BigMoose:** “ALEXANDER HAMILTON MAY HAVE FUCKED EVERYONE IN THE GODDAMN WORLD BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN I HAVE”

**BigMoose:** “HES A DEAD OLD WHITE DUDE!!! HE WORE POWDER IN HIS HAIR!!!!”

**Nerd:** oH DAMN HE STILL GOING??

**BigMoose:** It’s elevated from new stuff to just repeating all the old stuff

**Cassie:** STOP QUOTING ME IN THIS CHAT

**BigMoose:** sorry babe

**Nerd:** BABE???

**LittleMoose:** DEAN/????

**TheBestNovak:** DEAN-O CASSIE

**Cassie:** I swear to god Gabriel I will snap your neck

**TheBestNovak:** okay guys lets not talk about it nevermind

**JoJo:** No I wanna talk about it

**TheBestNovak:** leTS NOT SO THAT I LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY

**TheBestNovak:** I THINK WE HAVE PISSED CAS OFF ENOUGH TODAY

**BigMoose:** *you

**Nerd:** lmao yeah what have we done?

**BigMoose:** It was a joke guys seriously

 

**Cassie created a conversation with BigMoose**

**Cassie:** Dean

**BigMoose:** L I S T E N

**BigMoose:** MISTAKES HAPPEN

**Cassie:** No

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Masters:** We should all go on a picnic 

**JoJo:** ???

**Masters:** A picnic.

**TheBestNovak:** sorry I’m too busy right now

**Masters:** not now you idiot I mean like idk maybe next weekend

**LittleMoose:** I’m too far away for a picnic

**Masters:** Next friday is october 7th so 

**LittleMoose:** oh… oh my god… am I… INVITED???

**BigMoose:** no

**LittleMoose:** why not

**BigMoose:** lets have it the weekend after

**Masters:** WHY I DONT WANNA WAIT THAT LONG

**Masters:** I WANT FOOD THIS COMING WEEKEND

**BigMoose:** two words: Mary Winchester.

**Nerd:** SHE’LL MAKE ALL THE FOOD

**BigMoose:** She wont let us do anything

**LittleMoose:** man you glad that mom is out right now

**BigMoose:** STOP SHOWING OUR CONVERSATIONS TO OUR MOTHER OR I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT HER AGAIN

**LittleMoose:** Make. Me.

**BigMoose:** Oooo thanksgiving is right around the corner im so excite

**Masters:** tru..

**JoJo:** we gotta plan what we’re gonna do when your mom comes up

**Nerd:** LETS SHOW HER THE PARK

**Masters:** ??

**Nerd:** THE ONE WE LIKE

**BigMoose:** NO THATLL BE LIKE A PICNIC

**LittleMoose:** smh none of you are even thinking of me

**TheBestNovak:** Shut up Sam, we should just walk around the city, take her to the shops

**Nerd:** then I dont wanna go cause the city sucks

**LittleMoose:** why did you go there for college then

**Nerd:** I dont have other friends and im bad at making them

**Masters:** depressing

**Nerd:** its the life i lead

**TheBestNovak:** well

**LittleMoose:** Oh shit I think the kid is waking up someon es end hlep 

**BigMoose:** Wtf 

**LittleMoose:** lmao nvm he out he out

**LittleMoose:** he’ll wake up tomorrow 

**Masters:** Hopefully

**LittleMoose:** I DIDNT KILL HIM I SWEAR

**BigMoose:** cant believe my bro drugged a kid 

**BigMoose:** guys why tf didnt we think of that when we babysat Sam?

**JoJo:** Cause we didn’t want to face the wrath of Mary Winchester

**BigMoose:** tru tru

**Nerd:** Cas where are you

**Cassie:** anyone wanna see pictures of Gabe as a small child

**Masters:** Idk I knew the real thing dont know if I wanna see more of it

**TheBestNovak:** CAS DONT

**Cassie has sent an image**

**TheBestNovak:** HAVE MERCY

**Cassie has sent an image**

**Cassie has sent an image**

**Nerd:** Gabe wtf

**Masters:** can we talk about the first one and then address the others

**BigMoose:** Gabe idk if you know this but generally people wear clothes to bed

**Cassie:** the first one is when Gabe was four he went through a phase where he refused to wear clothes to bed and on Christmas morning it took two hours of convincing for Michael to get him to put boxers on

**TheBestNovak:** STOP

**JoJo:** omg he has a mole on his ass

**JoJo:** do you still have the mole?

**TheBestNovak:** ITS A BIRTH MARK

**Cassie:** the second picture was when Gabe was three and a seagull landed on his head and then pooped on him. 

**TheBestNovak:** IT W AS TERRIFHYIN 

**Nerd:** CRYING GABE YOUR FACE IS PRICELESS

**LittleMoose:** DO YOU SEE LUCIFERS FACE IN THE BACKGROUND

**Masters:** IM GONNA CRY HE LOOKS LIKE HES GONNA SHIT HIMSELF

**Cassie:** the last one is from when Gabe was five and he got his hand stuck in the chair at McDonalds. 

**TheBestNovak:** YOU WERENT EVEN THERE WHEN THE FIRST TWO PICTURES HAPPENED WHY DO YOU HAVE THOSE ????

**Cassie:** Lucifer and Michael are more than willing to find your embarrassments and share them with me

**Cassie:** so is dad

**LittleMoose:** wait why wasn’t Cas with you wtf

**BigMoose:** Sam you don’t,,, know?

**Cassie:** Um wasn’t Sam only like a year old?

**Masters:** yeah he was cause I remember Dean bragging about how great of a big bro he thought he was

**Masters:** all he did was grab sams toys when he dropped them

**BigMoose:** stfu I was 5

**LittleMoose:** still confused

**JoJo:** How did you not even know this???

**JoJo:** all the Novak kids are adopted 

**JoJo:** moron

**LittleMoose:** whAT??? Since wHEN???

**TheBestNovak:** well I’ve been with Mikey Luci and dad since I was born bc my birth mom didnt want me 

**Cassie:** I’ve been with them since I was 5

**TheBestNovak:** Mikey was adopted when he was a few months old and Luci was adopted when he was like a year and a half

**Cassie:** and we adopted Anna when she was 4 and Samandriel was adopted when he was two

**LittleMoose:** how did I not know this what the heck

**Nerd:** k but wait Sam was literally not alive when Mikey Luci or Gabe were adopted. He was only like a year when Cas was adopted, he was two when Anna was adopted, and he was like three when Samandriel was adopted

**LittleMoose:** yeah fair point stop bullying me

**TheBestNovak:** anyone wanna hear the story about when we brought Cas home

**Cassie:** anyone wanna see more pics of little gabe

**TheBestNovak:** sTOP STOP STOP OKAY I GIVE UP I WONT SAY ANYTHIGN

**BigMoose:** wait I wanna hear the story

**TheBestNovak:** I’m not telling

**Cassie:** Good

**Masters:** jesus fuck Cas is taking No Shit today I love it

**JoJo:** same omg

**BigMoose:** I WANNA KNOW THE STORY

**LittleMoose:** so much is happening ohmygod

**BigMoose:** k nvm I don’t wanna know the story I’m good

**TheBestNovak:** what did Cas threaten you with wtf

**Masters:** CAS CANT THREATEN ME I GOT NOTHIN TO BE ASHAMED OF

**Nerd:** I do…

**JoJo:** I dont lmao 

**Cassie:** Meg: fourth grade field tirp

**Cassie:** Jo, 6th grade picnic.

**Nerd:** JFC CAS JUST HAS SHIT ON EVERYONE

**LittleMoose:** cas is pullin up them receipts

**TheBestNovak:** I’d pull up my own Cas receipts

**TheBestNovak:** unfortunately I have no idea what picture Cas may send next

**LittleMoose:** this is such a big standoff omg

**LittleMoose:** Next Time on “Receipts”: Will Gabe sacrifice himself to reveal Cas’ reciepts? Will we get to find out what happened at the 6th grade picnic? Will we find out about 4th grade field trip? We just don’t know.

**BigMoose:** thats a really shitty outro bro

**LittleMoose:** you can’t see me but I’m giving you two middle fingers

**BigMoose:** so excited for when you come up this weekend :-)

**LittleMoose:** bitch you aint doin anything Mom is gonna be there

**Masters:** Listen,,,, im going to bed

**Nerd:** its 10am on sunday

**Masters:** actually its 8pm nice try

**Nerd:** shit

**Nerd:** Im leaving i have a paper to write

**BigMoose:** I’m leaving bc I don’t wanna talk to Sam anymore

**BigMoose:** I’m assuming Cas left my room to go fight Gabe

**JoJo:** I’m leaving for the heck of it

**LittleMoose:** man fuck you guys leaving me here with an unconscious 6 year old. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd like address the whole "Gabe and Cas are a month apart, and same with Mikey and Luci" thing so I did.   
> If it's confusing...sorry?  
> Um so I really enjoyed writing certain parts of this chapter lmao like the beginning with Sam and babysitting (do not drug your kids, listen,,, this is fiction) and also about the whole Cas and Gabe thing.   
> Also the story about the kid is basically pulled from that one episode of iCarly when they like babysat that annoying kid that ended up getting his head stuck in the stairway (mot of yall should probably remember that I mean iCarly ended like what a year ago? EDIT: nvm it ended like 4 years ago jfc I'm old)   
> And also the story about Gabe getting his hand stuck in the McDonalds chair is pulled str8 from my memories. That didn't happen to me, it happened to my friend when we were like 6 lmao he was pretty dumb. I mean it was scary in the moment but now we all like to remind him and laugh so.   
> I have nothing else to say about this chapter I just hope you guys enjoyed it lol  
> Please comment!!! I love kudos but comments are my favorite.


	12. AHH!!! AHH!!!! AH!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something Really Big happens for Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO FAIR WARNING:  
> I have someone write 'god hates gays' no, I don't believe this (I don't even believe in god lmao I'm an atheist)  
> I took this because one of my friends is gay and anytime something bad happens to him he just says "God hates gays" and like goes on with his day and I thought that it would be funny but... kind of doubting that right now.   
> I'll leave it there for now.

**“Fuck You All”**

**TheBestNovak:** IM SCREAMING 

**BigMoose:** WHY????

**TheBestNovak:** CAS IS HYPERVENTILGATINGAGUHDUA WHATEVER THAT WORD Is

**Masters:** alright who do i gotta beat the fuck outta for hurting Clarence

**TheBestNovak:** WE WON THE HAMILTON LOTTO IM FUCKIGNRED

**Nerd:** WHAT/????

**LittleMoose:** YOU FUCKING WON??? THAT HAPPENS????

**Masters:** HOLY FUCK 

**BigMoose:** WHAT THE SHIT 

**LittleMoose:** S H U T  T H E  F R O N T  D O O R

**TheBestNovak:** WE’RE STANDING IN LINE WIATING FOR THE TICKETS 

**TheBestNovak:** CAS IS V I B R A T I N G

**TheBestNovak has sent a video**

**Nerd:** “How ya doin Cas”

**Masters:** CAS CANT EVEN SPEAK IM SCREAMING HES JUST MAKING SUCH WEIRD NOISES

**Nerd:** gIVE MY BEST BUDDY A HUG PLS PLS TELL CAS I LUV HIM 

**BigMoose:** HOLY SHIT

**Masters:** TELL US WHAT ITS LIKE 

**TheBestNovak:** WE’RE GOING IN RN I THINK IM GONNA LOSE CONNECTION BUT I TOLD HIM N HES FUCKING SMILING SO BIG IM A’GHUDFGKSAGJ

* * *

 

**JoJo:** why the fuck does everything EXCITING happen when im WORKING

**Masters:** God Hates Gays. 

**JoJo:** I’m straight actually but thats cool

**Masters:** cool gods on my side then he hates the straights

**Nerd:** thats a lie today I burned myself making waffles god hates gays

**Masters:** or just you which makes more sense bc I hate you too

**Nerd:** you wanna fite

**BigMoose:** Laddies Laddies

**LittleMoose:** Laddies. L a d d i e s. Dean pls you mess

**Masters:** come over here Dean I’ll beat you up with my laddie arms

**BigMoose:** fuck please I’m just a simple boy

**Masters:** boy you’re about to meet Jesus

**JoJo:** who says he’s meeting Jesus? He’s probably meeting Satan for all that pinning

**LittleMoose:** oof I felt that one

**JoJo:** also I think we’ve already gone over this Charlie you can’t take anyone you’re weak

**LittleMoose:** Jo is laying down the l a w 

**JoJo:** okay but guys remember back a few weeks ago I told you guys about the dude I wanted to jump?

**BigMoose:** the what?

**JoJo:** oh I don’t think I told you and Cassie, I think it was when you two were not at lunch

**Masters:** the one I bet is a mass murderer

**Nerd:** is he a mass murderer pls say no so I dont lose my money I need it

**JoJo:** .. he’s not a mass murderer. 

**JoJo:** I just got asked out by him today tho!!!!

**Masters:** did you jump him yet

**JoJo:** MEG MASTERS IM GOING ON A DATE

**JoJo:** I’m gonna wait until after the date duh

**Masters:** well you can snag a condom from my room before you go on the date

**Masters:** and don’t forget that he has to wear one cause you aint catchin any stds on my watch

**JoJo:** don’t watch 

**BigMoose:** Damn you two and Gabe are like always on someone

**Nerd:** Gabe hasn’t been on anyone in like three weeks

**Nerd:** he’s bored tho so he’ll probably be on someone in a week

**LittleMoose:** I’m Uncomfortable

**BigMoose:** oh jfc I forgot Sam is here guys I’m uncomfortable now too pls lets not 

**Masters:** SEX SEX SEX

**Nerd:** S E X 

**JoJo:** there are many types of sex such as oral and anal, none of which Dean will never get

**BigMoose:** fuck all of you I’m leaving

**LittleMoose:** cries

* * *

 

**Cassie:** IM SHAKING

**Cassie:** ITS INTERMISSION AND OH MY GOD I CAN TOUCH THE STAGE

**Cassie:** THEYRE ALL SO ??? BEAUTIFUL??? JAVIER CAN OWN MY GAY ASS

**Cassie:** LIKE ALL THE NEW PEOPLE ARE JUST SO AMAZING AND THE TWO UNDERSTUDYING GWASH AND BURR ARE JUST SO ??? BEAUTIFUL ???

**Cassie:** I THINK ANTHONY RAMOS SMILED AT ME SO LIKE ??? I DONT KNOW HOW IM STILL ALIVE

**Cassie:** IM STILL CRYING BECAUSE JOHN LAURENS D I E D 

**Cassie:** MY SMOL LITTLE GAY BEAN D I E D 

**Masters:** holy shit this is so out of character for Cas

**BigMoose:** he really loves Hamilton

**BigMoose:** IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU CAS THO!!!

**TheBestNovak:** oh my god he didn’t stop smiling at all until Satisfied where he looked ready to cry and then he actually cried when Laurens died he’s like gonna sob

**LittleMoose:** OH MY GOD CAS

**Nerd:** AHHHHHHHHH

**JoJo:** I emailed both your profs to let them know you guys are missing your classes btw

**TheBestNovak:** I’m gonna cry I’m so happy Cas is seeing this

**TheBestNovak:** Intermission is ending now bye guys

**LittleMoose:** AHHHH!!!

**Masters:** tag urself I’m “Javier can own my gay ass”

**JoJo:** IM “MY SMOL LITTLE GAY BEAN” 

**Nerd:** you aint gay give that title to me 

**JoJo:** shit fine Im “still crying” then m8

**BigMoose:** I want food

* * *

 

**Masters:** Jo can you come cook food

**JoJo:** No

**Masters:** please

**Nerd:** Jo you’re the only one who knows how to cook

**JoJo:** get a job 

**JoJo:** I wanna start taking less hours pls me feet hurt

**BigMoose:** Jo damn they just want some food

**LittleMoose:** I’m eating mac-n-cheese

**BigMoose:** Sam we should talk about your macncheese problem

**LittleMoose:** “problem” okay sure

**JoJo:** IM COOKING FOOD AND YALL JUST FUCKING LAZE AROUND N SHIT??? BITCHES GET YO ASSES AT THIS DAMN BAR AND E A T 

**Nerd:** you know im a slut for your cooking

**JoJo:** No Memes Until After You Finish Your Dinner

**Masters:** Damn Jo u harsh

**Nerd:** okay 

**Nerd:** I’m eating can I meme now

**JoJo:** not until you finish

**Masters:** Jo where did you go

**JoJo:** I’m taking a nap bc im tired from work

**BigMoose:** why don’t you take less hours

**JoJo:** BECAUSE I LIVE WITH LAZY ASS PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE JOBS

**Masters:** hey I got 90% of our furniture for free attack Charlie not me

**LittleMoose:** thats tru

**JoJo:** I hear screaming but I honestly don’t want to find out whats going on

**BigMoose:** lmao good luck Jo

**JoJo:** okay now the bathroom door slammed I really really don’t wanna know what’s going on

**Nerd:** um

**BigMoose:** what did you do Charlie

**Masters:** SHE THREW THE FUCKING RICE WE WERE EATING AT ME

**Masters:** CHARLIE HOW FUCKING OLD ARE YOU

**Nerd:** 18

**Masters:** I HAVE TO S H O W E R NOW

**Masters:** fuck you 

**LittleMoose:** omg I bet that they’re all gonna kill each other before the end of this year

**BigMoose:** I have faith that they’ll make it through the year

**LittleMoose:** lmao at least someone here has faith

**JoJo:** I have faith that I’ll kill them by tomorrow don’t worry

**Masters:** come at me you weak piece of shit

**JoJo:** NO BECAUSE IM TIRED YOU WANNA KNOW WHY??? BECAUSE I GOT MYSELF A JOB

**JoJo:** get a job

**Nerd:** I’ll get a job

**JoJo:** charlie is my favorite

**Masters:** that’s not what you said last night

**JoJo:** too bad because Charlie is my fucking favorite now bitch back off

**BigMoose:** I’m taking a nap

**LittleMoose:** I’m gonna go pretend to do homework

* * *

 

**Cassie:** Well it’s official, I could die right now and have no regrets

**TheBestNovak:** you sure?

**Cassie:** Yes, let the Lord strike me where I stand I’m ready, lets go, before Donald Trump is elected president. 

**LittleMoose:** IM HOWLING

**Nerd:** hey im with ya buddy 

**JoJo:** GO OUT AND V O T E YOU FRIGGIN IDIOTS

**Cassie:** No I’ve lost faith in America 

**JoJo:** FUCKIGNKFDGKHGLAH UGH!!!! IVE LOST FAITH IN ALL OF YOU

**Masters:** CAS CAS CAS WHAT WAS IT LIKE 

**Cassie:** I CRIED BC PHILLIP

**Cassie:** ITS SO MUCH MORE P A I N F U L  OH MY GOSH

**Masters:** WHY???

**Cassie:** WELL ONE BECAUSE THERE ARE E M O T I O N S ON THEIR FACES AND ALSO LIKE ELIZA JKAGDHSGD SHE SCREAMS AT THE END AND I SWEAR TO GOD I HEARD MY HEART PHYSICALLY BREAK

**TheBestNovak:** It was amazing tho

**Cassie:** BUT ALSO LIKE THE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS ARE JUST SO??? AMAXZING??? THEY LIKE ARE ALWAYS THERE!!!! AND JUST !!!! BEAUTIFUL

**Masters:** WHAT WAS TAKE A BREAK LIKE

**Cassie:** ANTHONY RAMOS IS T O O TALL AND JAVI IS TOO SMOL BUT IT WAS GREAT OH MAN

**Nerd:** AHH!!! AHHH!!!! CAS WE’RE SO HAPPY 

**Cassie:** I need to breath ohmygod

**TheBestNovak:** he’s hyperventilating on the subway oh my god

**BigMoose:** CAS!!!!

**Cassie:** I’m alright now

**TheBestNovak:** No he’s not

**Cassie:** LEAVE ME A L O N E

**Cassie:** I just really need to like, process

**BigMoose:** take all the time you need Cas

**Cassie:** thanks Dean

**BigMoose:** In other news

**LittleMoose:** leave me alone too

**BigMoose:** no

**BigMoose:** In other news mom called an hour ago to tell me that Sam’s an embarrassment

**LittleMoose:** THATS NOT WHAT SHE SAID 

**BigMoose:** No but I mean what’s the difference between “ Sam’s an embarrassment” and “Sam locked himself out of the house” I mean really….

**LittleMoose:** D E A N 

**Masters:** I want details and I want them now

**LittleMoose:** HEY DEAN REMEMBER THE TIME THAT I HEARD YOU MOANING CAS IN YOUR SLEEP 

**BigMoose:** That’s such a lie I’m cringing for you Sam

**LittleMoose:** ITS NOT A LIE I HAVE VIDEO P R O O F

**BigMoose:** Sure, Jan. 

**LittleMoose:** DONT MEME ME

**LittleMoose:** YOU WANNA REALLY KNOW IF I HAVE VIDEO PROOF??

**BigMoose:** You don’t. 

**LittleMoose:** MY FINGER IS HOVERING OVER IT RIGHT NOW DEAN

**Masters:** POST IT POST IT POST IT

**JoJo:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

**TheBestNovak:** HOLY HELL ITS A WINCHESTER STAREDOWN

**Nerd:** Next on: Winchester Blackmail, will Sam show us this video? Will Dean explain further about Sam being locked out of the house? Stay tuned. 

**BigMoose:** Fukc fine. 

**LittleMoose:** :-)

**BigMoose:** dont use that face ironically ill punch you

**LittleMoose:** you’re in goddamn New York lmao come at me

**BigMoose:** Thanksgiving, Sam. Thanksgiving. 

**Masters:** I’m not satisifed

**Cassie:** SOSOSO SO THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO MATCH WITS WITH SOMEONE AT YOUR LEVEL? WHAT THE HELL IS THE CATCH? ITS THE FEELING OF FREEDOM  OF SEEING THE LIGHT ITS BEN FRANKLIN WITH THE KEY AND THE KITE - YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

**Nerd:** okay now someone stop him

**TheBestNovak:** just go along with it he’ll be doing this for like two weeks

**Cassie:** AHH!!! AHHH!!!! AHHH!!! 

**Cassie:** IM A GIRL IN A WORLD IN WHICH MY O N L Y JOB IS TO MARRY RICH. MY FATHER HAS NO SONS SO IM THE ONE WHO HAS TO SOCIAL CLIMB WITH ONE 

**Cassie:** ELIZA PUT HERSELF BACK INT O THE NARRATIVE

**TheBestNovak:** oh god he’s sobbing again and half the car is just looking at him

**BigMoose:** oh boy

**TheBestNovak:** *woman taps me on the shoulder* “Hamilton?” 

**TheBestNovak:** “Yeah... “ 

**TheBestNovak:** *woman nods sympathetically* “Did that for three hours yesterday”

**Nerd:** Lmao if you take the hamilton part out that woman is me

**Nerd:** crying for three hours

**JoJo:** What about you dont do shit

**Nerd:** I’m offended

**Nerd:** and yet you’re not wrong, so.

**JoJo:** I know I’m not wrong get a fucking job

**Masters:** you know I’m not gonna get a job just because you fucking annoy me

**JoJo:** I’m burning your stuff

**Masters:** You wanna go?

**BigMoose:** it’s been like an hour what the fuck happened

**Nerd:** They screamed at each other for ten minutes

**Nerd:** like just straight up scream

**Nerd:** then the guy above us jumped up and down on his floor and they stopped

**Nerd:** now theyre sleeping on the couch

**Nerd has sent an image**

**Nerd:** cant believe they’re cuddling without me what the hell

**LittleMoose:** I’m 

**LittleMoose:** its like midnight I’m going to sleep

**BigMoose:** goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like basically, this entire chapter was just Cas was me.   
> So before we get to the Hamilton part let me just say that like, I literally had something else all typed out but then haha 6 pages in I was like "nope I don't like this" and deleted it and like ?? I make bad decisions sometimes. Haha that was fun.   
> This is only six pages, previous chapters have been seven, sorry. But I'll hopefully get back on track next chapter. Or maybe I'll read the four books I need to read for school but who knows :-)  
> I was never intending for Cas to see Hamilton because, well, I haven't seen it so I didn't want to like write about it.   
> However I actually won the lotto on july 13th and like, cried, a lot. I'm not gonna write everything down though. If you wanna see my breakdown of it, go here: http://pickledmess.tumblr.com/post/147777839165/seeing-hamilton
> 
> And also the whole "I can die now" thing was an actual conversation with my Oma the next day I was like "I could never do anything else ever again in my life" and my Oma was like oooh noo you'll do other things and I was just thinking no I can literally die right now and be perfectly okay with that but alright Oma. 
> 
> Also... brought back the Meg and Gabe are sluts thing, trust me Cas and Dean are bi (Dean hasn't found himself yet tho) and they're not screwing everything (surprisingly, on Dean's part, but apparently I'm bad at following the shows characterization of people lmao) so like, I don't think bisexuals are just always having sex (i mean some might) I just happen to see Meg and Gabe as very sexually active people, in general. Jfc I'm too awake to be posting this


	13. Catch These Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things Go Down (pt2?)

**“Fuck You All”**

**TheBestNovak:** I just saw the gayest fucking thing and I think Dean and Cas are lying

**Nerd:** what happened??

**TheBestNovak:** I kinda lied I didn’t see much I just heard lots of moaning when I went to Cas dorm room and well…

**Masters:** before we all jump up and scream

**Cassie:** that’s not us

**TheBestNovak:** I WALKED IN AND I SAW YOUR HEAD

**Cassie has sent a photo**

**JoJo:** you fucking moron Cas and his roommate look alike remember?

**LittleMoose:** what is Dean trying to do

**Cassie:** put together a nightstand

**Masters:** well I’m disappointed

**Cassie:** sorry that we’re just friends

**LittleMoose:** pfft

**JoJo:** stop yourself there bud

**TheBestNovak:** sorry I’m still trying to

**TheBestNovak:** i

**Cassie:** I told you that I was going over to Dean’s dorm today?

**TheBestNovak:** im so 

**TheBestNovak:** I need a nap

* * *

 

**BigMoose:** haha so guys we r heading to the hospital 

**Nerd:** IM WATHCING MY CAT FROM HELL AND HE JSTUTUST HE JUSTS GOT BIT BY THIS CAT AND THE DUDES CRYING BC HE FEELS SO BADADD FRO THE CAT IM HESO I NEED MEE A FREAK LIKE THATTTT

**Masters:** okay, so,

**Masters:** first off Dean why are you going to the hospital?

**Nerd:** WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE HOSPITAL

**BigMoose:** see,,, the thing is,,,, i punched the wall,,,,,

**LittleMoose:** D E A N 

**BigMoose:** can someone pls come to the hospital

**TheBestNovak:** omw

**Nerd:** hold on let me wipe my tears away

**Masters:** I fukicng

**Masters:** Me and Charlie will be on the way after she wipes her tears away

**TheBestNovak:** why did you punch the wall

**BigMoose:** not important cas is gona hav a panic attack

**TheBestNovak:** NO SHIT SHERLOCK DUDE HE HATES HOSPITALS

**LittleMoose:** I’d be on my way but I’m like eight hours away

**Masters:** im screaming this fuck doesnt even have a bra on

**Nerd:** dont have time for ur judgement meg i have to go hug my best friend

**BigMoose:** hes my best friend fuck you

**Nerd:** bitch,,,

**LittleMoose:** can we get back to why you punched a wall

**BigMoose:** I got,,, angry

**Nerd:** Are you at the hospital yet

**TheBestNovak:** yeah I’m here with them

**Cassie:** dont worry about me guys

**BigMoose:** hey dont worry about me guys im fine

**Cassie:** no yOUR NOT

**Cassie:** YOU PUNCHED THE WALL

**Cassie:** AND NOW WE ARE AT THE HOSPITAL

**TheBestNovak:** he off to get his xray taken

**Nerd:** I Am Here

**Masters:** she’s been running with her tits in her hands its a little ridiculous

**Nerd:** gotta grab the titty to calm urself

* * *

 

**TheBestNovak:** this is the gayest thing i have seen with my own two eyes

**Masters:** why do you keep talking can you just stop

**JoJo:** why the fuck do you guys fuck up everytime im fucking working

**LittleMoose:** thats a lot of fucks 

**JoJo:** bitch, 

**Nerd:** whats the gayest thing you have seen with your own two eyes

**TheBestNovak has sent a photo**

**Nerd:** that is the gayest thing that i have seen with my own two eyes

**LittleMoose:** my god 

**JoJo:** gah damn

**Masters:** why do they even pretend anymore I can see the fucking hearts in clarences eyes 

**JoJo:** dean is smiling i think thats saying something

**LittleMoose:** i hate them

**Nerd:** i 

**Nerd:** @ dean and cas why are you two so in love with each other

**BigMoose:** i love pain meds

**Cassie:** we aren’t in love with each other

**TheBestNovak:** everyone come over and Meg get coffee

**Masters:** aight im on it but yall r paying me 4 the coffee

**Cassie:** English, please.

**Masters:** n o

* * *

 

**BigMoose >>> Cassie**

**BigMoose:** can we kick your bro out b4 ever1 gets here

**Cassie:** no he’ll assume we’ll have sex

**BigMoose:** toushay

**Cassie:** that’s not how you spell it

**BigMoose:** fite me

**Cassie:** that’s also not

**Cassie:** nevermind Dean 

**BigMoose:** i rlly rlly love pain meds

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Masters:** hey so uhm, dont be mad guys

**JoJo:** fuck what did someone else do 

**JoJo:** i s2g you’re all fucking children

**Masters:** so anyway….

**Nerd:** what happened tell us your problems

**Masters:** so I was getting coffee like you all sent me out to do

**Masters:** and I got my coffees and this dude like walked up and almost bumped into me and he apologised and was like “Oh sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going. My names Jason.” And I was gonna tell him to fuck off but instead what came out of my mouth was “Your voice is so nice I bet you give great blowjobs”

**TheBestNovak:** …

**Nerd:** please tell me you didnt dump our coffee to have sex with some dude

**Masters:** and he went all no homo on me and I was getting angry and then he was like “wait you dont have like a dick right, you’re like... a real woman right” so I kicked him in the dick and in the process dropped a drink

**BigMoose:** whos drink

**Masters:** yours 

**BigMoose:** fucking hell can you get me another one???

**Masters:** nah man I fuckign booked it outta that store I left his ass behind 

**Masters:** im like 5 away so

**Nerd:** tag urself im “i bet u give great blowjobs”

**LittleMoose:** im “i fuckign booked it outta that store”

**JoJo:** k so im not disappointed nvm

**BigMoose:** IM DISAPPOINTED

**BigMoose:** not over the dude getting kicked fuck him

**BigMoose:** BUT BC MY DRINK 

**TheBestNovak:** go out and get your own

**Cassie:** good job Meg!

**Masters:** thanks clarence!!!

**BigMoose:** I can’t believe Cas gets more attention than me I broke my fCKUIGN HAND

**BigMoose:** im in pAIN

**LittleMoose:** tag urself im dean being a little bitch

**Nerd:** I’m cas getting more attention

**Cassie:** actually that’s me

**Nerd:** i kno come cuddle with me instead of dean

**Cassie:** im good here

**LittleMoose:** someone wanna come home and cuddle with me

**Nerd:** no

**Masters:** no 

**TheBestNovak:** no

**JoJo:** no 

**BigMoose:** no

**Cassie:** no

**LittleMoose:** wow okay thanks

**Masters:** lmao so good thing I never said my name cause that bitch would probably like sue me or something he was the suit type with slicked back hair 

**JoJo:** good because im not paying for that shit

**Masters:** who said you’d pay for it?

**JoJo:** well considering IM the only one with a fucking job

**Cassie:** I got a job!

**TheBestNovak:** he only works in the schools library three times a week its nothing special

**BigMoose:** gabe come closer im gonna punch you

**TheBestNovak:** yeah you already broke one hand don’t think you wanna break another

**Nerd:** yay Cas!

**LittleMoose:** I have a job

**BigMoose:** you drugged the kid you dont have a job anymore

**LittleMoose:** they never found out dont worry

**BigMoose:** I

**Nerd:** Cas when do you start your job

**Cassie:** I start it wednesday

**TheBestNovak:** would anyone cheer for me if I got a job

**Masters:** nobody cares about u gabe

**TheBestNovak:** </3

**Nerd:** Well…. 

**BigMoose:** meg go get me another drink

**Masters:** No!!!! Bitch!!!

**LittleMoose:** dean stop complaining

**BigMoose:** IM IN P A I N AND I WANT COFFEEEEEE

**Cassie:** oh I think dean needs his pain meds now

**TheBestNovak:** no the doc said to give them to him at 6 with dinner and its only like 3 so

**BigMoose:** Gabe,,,,, ples

**TheBestNovak:** no 

**TheBestNovak:** wow I like holding the power like this

**Nerd:** you kinky sonofabitch

**BigMoose:** I will fight you gabe

**TheBestNovak:** no you wont you got one good hand and a broken one stop lying

**JoJo:** okay yall I am pooped and I want coffee

**Masters:** Im outside the dorm please let me in

**TheBestNovak:** how’d you get in dont you need to like swipe a card or something????

**Masters:** have you fucknig met me

**Nerd:** Meg Masters, secret spy, maybe you’ve heard of her. She’s good at giving blowjobs

**Masters:** Hi, that me

**JoJo:** Can My Roommates Get A Fucking Job Please

**Nerd:** what like a singular job me and meg both have

**Masters:** what if I become a prostitute

**JoJo:** no you’ll never sleep and then you’ll fail out of school

**Masters:** fine, mom.

**JoJo:** I’m just worried about you’re wellbeing, sorry.

**Nerd:** what if I start a youtube channel and get real famous and then get paid by youtube to do shit

**JoJo:** good luck with that

**Masters:** thats not happening

**Nerd:** what if we just vlog about our lives, we’re interesting

**BigMoose:** what if someone gave me my fucking pain meds

**Cassie:** what if we talked out loud since we’re all in the same room

**LittleMoose:** no dont I wanna see the thinking process

**JoJo:** all we do is scream at each other and casually cuddle once a week

**Nerd:** what if we record just our crew

**Nerd:** gUYS IM OPENING A YOUTUBE ACCOUNT WE BOUT TO BE FAMOUSSSSS

**Cassie:** what if we talked out loud since we’re all in the same room

**TheBestNovak:** what if we put on HSM again

**JoJo:** yes please I wanna see Zac

**Nerd:** aight im gonna be in the corner here on Dean’s laptop

**BigMoose:** use my roommates

**Nerd:** what do you have something to HIDE winchester?

**BigMoose:** no mines dead and I can’t find the charger I’ve been using his for a week

**TheBestNovak:** I think I’m sitting on the charger

**BigMoose:** I don’t wanna touch it anymore

**Cassie:** what if yall stop texting and watch the movie and speak out loud like real people

* * *

 

**LittleMoose:** yall im bored

**BigMoose:** “yall yall yall” fuck yall

**Masters:** what is this a callout post for Southerners? 

**BigMoose:** That’s fucking exactly what this is

**TheBestNovak:** he’s just pissed that I’m taking so long to get dinner so he can have his meds

**BigMoose:** yeAH IM PISSED WHEN YOU GET BACK GET READY TO CATCH THESE HANDS

**Cassie:** dean, no, stop.

**Nerd:** that’s so convincing Cas

**Cassie:** I

**Nerd:** anyway bitches I got the account set up and tomorrow imma start vlogging for the week and then we can like put weekly vlogs up and then we’ll get famous and shit and then we can get money and i wont have to work around… people

**JoJo:** you’re still getting a job

**Nerd:** BUT BUT BUT

**JoJo:** until this youtube thing takes off (which it wont) you’re getting a job to start helping with rent or I s2g I will kick you out

**Cassie:** you can come live with me Charlie I still love you

**Nerd:** she wouldn’t actually kick me out she loves me.

**JoJo:** you wanna test that theory?

**Nerd:** …

**Nerd:** fine I’ll get a fucking job tomorrow

**Masters:** LMAO SUX 2 B U

**JoJo:** Bitch ur getting a job too

**JoJo:** I wanna start taking less hours 

**Masters:** bih you wanna go? Get ready to catch these H A N D S

**JoJo:** I WILL BEAT YOU BIH IVE BEEN LIFTING HEAVY SHIT FOR WEEKS I AM S TRON G

**LittleMoose:** what am I witnessing

**Cassie:** look away, child.

**LittleMoose added banANNA to the conversation**

**banANNA:** whats up bitches im back

**Cassie has removed banANNA from the conversation**

**Cassie:** Sam I can’t wait until Thanksgiving when I get to beat you up

**LittleMoose:** you and what muscles

**BigMoose:** THESE MUSCULS

**BigMoose has sent an image**

**Nerd:** awe thats cute look at Cas and Dean cuddling

**LittleMoose:** muscles dean you fucking idiot

**Masters:** look they’re cuddling

**TheBestNovak:** Deans on meds rn I don’t know how strong they are but he’s probably gonna fall asleep 

**Cassie:** he asleep

**Nerd:** There He Go

**JoJo:** can we leave now I wanna go to bed

**Masters:** fine

**JoJo:** wanna carry me

**Masters:** fINE

**Masters:** if I mUST

**Cassie:** wait, ples, dont leave me

**Cassie:** gABE DONT TAKE A PICTURE AND LE AVE

**TheBestNovak sent an image**

**Nerd:** look at the panic on his face omg be nice to my best friend

**LittleMoose:** looks like Cassie’s all on his own now

**Cassie:** dEANS TOO HEAVY FOR THIS

**JoJo:** lmao Cas is on his own now

**JoJo:** Charlie’s recording me and Meg rn and I honestly dont know why

**Nerd:** for the v l o g

**JoJo:** its not gonna happen quit now

**TheBestNovak:** im going back to my bed and taking a long ass nap

* * *

 

**Cassie:** guys I have just witnessed the most awkward moment ever

**Masters:** what happened

**Cassie:** Dean’s roommate came back and he was pulling this dude behind him and I guess they didn’t really notice me and Dean there

**LittleMoose:** oh god

**Cassie:** and well, they had sex, kinda like three feet from us

**TheBestNovak:** what kind of sex

**Cassie:** apparently dean’s roommate likes being gagged and tied up so

**Masters:** wow wish someone would gag Jo

**JoJo:** I woke up so I can tell you to come catch these hands bitch

**Masters:** pft okay

**Nerd:** can I record it

**Masters:** NO

**JoJo:** NO 

**LittleMoose:** d o  i t

**Cassie:** anyway so I slipped out from under Dean, and passed the two guys who are passed out on top of each other, and now im at my dorm

**Cassie:** and

**TheBestNovak:** fuck, no Cassie,

**Cassie:** I walked in and Jimmy was also having a nice night with his girlfriend

**TheBestNovak:** im crying

**TheBestNovak:** when all your friends have sex except you

**LittleMoose:** I

**Masters:** Jo when is your date

**JoJo:** what does that have to do with anything

**Masters:** nothing but I wanna know when me and Charlie have to clear our schedules 

**JoJo:** it’s on friday, you got like five days relax

**Nerd:** schedule: cleared

**Masters:** we’re gonna make sure you look hot and that you get laid

**JoJo:** I’ve been on dates before, I’ve gotten laid before

**Cassie:** can we go back to my trauma or…?

**Nerd:** yea but we’re gonna make sure that the future serial killer REALLY wants to bang you

**Masters:** well I will be making sure, nerd over there is probably just gonna sit to the side and tell you if you look ugly or not

**Nerd:** can I record it

**JoJo:** NO

**Masters:** your youtube account isn’t gonna happen

**Nerd:** you’re LIFE isnt gonna happen

**Masters:** are you fucking threatening me

**Nerd:** no

**Cassie:** guys

**LittleMoose:** I’m going to bed goodnight

**TheBestNovak:** that’s a good idea

**JoJo:** I’m going back to sleep and when I wake up yall better be ready to go job hunting and NOT recording for youtube

**Nerd:** sure mom

**Masters:** love you too mommy

**JoJo:** night children

**Cassie:** Okay, well, I’ll just sit in the hallway

**Nerd:** come over to our apartment

**Cassie:** I’m not walking five blocks at 9 at night

**Cassie:** I’m gonna take my chances waiting until Jimmy and his girlfriend are done

* * *

 

**“Novak Family Meeting™”**

**TheBestNovak:** Cassie had to listen to Dean’s roomie have kinky sex

**LuckyLuci:** lmao

**TheBestNovak:** then he went to his dorm and walked in on his roomie having sex

**banANNA:** LMAO CAS IM SORRY BRO I LOVE YOU BUT THATS HILARIOUS

**Driel:** can you guys do this when I’m not trying to study

**TheBestNovak:** fuck

**TheBestNovak has removed Driel from the conversation**

**banANNA:** goddammit Gabe now he’s gonna bother me to add him back to the chat

**Michael:** he can come back when he’s finished studying

**Cassie:** Why Must You Laugh At My Pain

**Michael:** I hear Lucifer have sex every night Cas, that’s true pain

**TheBestNovak:** damn yeah Cas at least you don’t have to worry about hearing me have great sex every night

**Cassie:** you haven’t had sex since junior year stop lying to everyone

**Michael:** Lucifer doesn’t have great sex he disappoints every woman he has sex with 

**banANNA:** that’s TWO BURNS for the price of ONE

**LuckyLuci:** hey FUCK YOU michael you wanna go??? You wanNA GO??? cATCH THESE HANDS!!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** fuck you Cas

**Cassie:** I Can Not Tell A Lie

**banANNA:** I’m living for this

**banANNA:** Driel’s banging on my fucking door and I hate all of you just thought I’d let you know

**banANNA:** except you Cas

**Cassie:** thank you, love you too sis

**TheBestNovak:** if you add him back

**banANNA has added Driel to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak has removed Driel from the conversation**

**banANNA has added Driel to the conversation**

**Driel:** let me live

**TheBestNovak:** no

**TheBestNovak has removed Driel from the conversation**

**banANNA has added Driel to the conversation**

**Driel:** FUCK YOU GABE

**banANNA:** GASP

**Michael:** Samandriel you’re grounded

**Driel:** YOU’RE NOT DAD

**Michael:** yeah but I’m the oldest so I’m in charge

**TheBestNovak:** Imma go crie now

**Cassie:** Can we just leave Driel in the chat

**Cassie:** also he’s like twelve 

**TheBestNovak:** THAT DOESNT MEAN HES GOTTA BE MEAN TO HIS FAVORITE BROTHER

**banANNA:** I TRIED GETTING HIS PHONE IM SORYR

**Driel:** actually Cas is my favorite brother

**LuckyLuci:** now IM offended because all of yall should know I’m the best brother

**Cassie has sent an image**

**banANNA:** IS THAT YOU LETTING CAS GET ATTACKED BY SEAGULS

**LuckyLuci:** NO NO IT ISNT

**TheBestNovak:** yes it is I remember that Luci was in charge and Cas had some bread and we looked over and all the birds were around him and I took the picture and Lucifer was like eh he’ll be okay

**Cassie:** I, however, have done no such thing. 

**Michael:** Let’s get back to the problem at hand

**Driel:** leave me alone

**Michael:** don’t curse

**Cassie:** Driel don’t curse it’ll lead you down a slippery slope and soon you’ll find yourself on LSD running away from flying pumpkins that aren’t there and are a result of the drugs. 

**banANNA:** I have a few questions can I ask

**Cassie:** no

**TheBestNovak:** nobody ask any questions

**Driel:** … 

**Driel:** I’m still angry about you taking me out of the chat I’m twelve I’m not a child anymore

**banANNA:** \- said every twelve year old ever

**banANNA:** can yall ground his ass he’s glaring at me

**LuckyLuci:** well I said something similar to Gabe when he was twelve and Gabe bit my arm so consider yourself lucky

**banANNA:** HAHAHAHAHA THATS FUNNY CAUSE YOUR NAME HAS LUCKY IN IT BUT YOURE NOT LUCKY LMAO

**Driel:** I’m going back to studying

**Michael:** I’m going back to sleep

**LuckyLuci:** me too

**TheBestNovak:** lmao that was great 

**Cassie:** Jimmy is done, I’m allowed to go in now, I’m going to bed night everyone

**banANNA:** I’m going to go back to reading

**TheBestNovak:** glad everyone knows what they’re doing, night yall

**banANNA:** don’t make me shame you from over a thousand miles away

**TheBestNovak:** Goodnight My Darling Family

**banANNA:** better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo sorry that it's been like a year since I last updated, I ran into writers black haha love it :-)  
> Anyway, so many stories. So I basically wrote the first few pages while watching a lot of My Cat From Hell and yes the dude did cry because he wanted the cat to not be suffering and basically Charlie was just me watching that.  
> And, holy fuck I wrote "catch these hands" so much, why??? i don't know I saw it on tumblr a lot from some of my fav blogs and I ?? I'm tired   
> You can break your hand punching a wall!! Dean got a boxers break I think it's called, boxer something. He broke his right hand basically, it hurts. And Cas doesn't like hospitals my poor child.  
> Hmm what else can I talk about. So a majority of this chapter I just wrote now, and it's 10 pages long and 3065 words and I'm really proud of that.   
> Now, I have three books to read I should not be updating this but I planned to update a lot more over the summer. However I think because I haven't done anything over the summer (I mean that's a lie I saw Hamilton and I'll still be bringing that up years from now, but aside from that) and I've been pretty isolated during the summer so I think I just don't have any muse.  
> Like I said though, three books to read. I had 4 but I finished one and now I gotta annotate another one and then read the other two and answer a packet. All before September, which is when school starts. Pray for me.   
> So yeah, I may write a line or two, but I doubt I'll be updating before school starts again and I'm sorry. Hope this chapter holds everyone over until then. Holy crap this note is very very long k bye!


	14. Um? No?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well that was an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BARELY EDITED THIS!!! JUST SKIMMED THRU!! DUNNO IF EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE????

**“Fuck You All”**

**BigMoose:** wow what the fuc k honestly

**Nerd:** morning to you too

**BigMoose:** these fucknig

**BigMoose:** I love waking up to my roomie on his bed with his bf naked on their bed this is just great 

**TheBestNovak:** at least you didnt have to listen to them have sex bc Cassie did

**Cassie:** horrifying

**TheBestNovak:** he couldnt move either bc you were on top of him

**BigMoose:** lmao bud, buddy boi, I’ve listened to them have sex like eight time

**BigMoose:** which is ridiculous bc his bf has an apartment why dont they go THERE??

**TheBestNovak:** because they want you to suffer

**BigMoose:** ohmygod they’re awake and offering to cook for me goodbye guys

**TheBestNovak:** wait with what fucking kitchen are they cooking for you??

**TheBestNovak:** dean????

**Nerd:** There He Go

**Nerd:** meanwhile who wants to get together and do some shIT together

**LittleMoose:** goodmorning

**JoJo:** your fucking youtube account isnt HAPPENING

**Nerd:** why do you have to ruin lives 

**JoJo:** go wake up Meg and you two go find a damn job

**TheBestNovak:** Charlie wanna hang out I got nothing to do

**Cassie:** can I hang out

**Cassie:** I don’t wanna be here when Jimmy and his gf wake up

**Nerd:** LETS GO EXPLORING

**Cassie:** okay I’ll grab my wallet

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll grab my sunglasses

**LittleMoose:** the ugly yellow ones with the weird green flames on the sides?

**TheBestNovak:** you fukcin kno what???? Catch these hands bih

**LittleMoose:** I s2g if you come here with them sticky hands I have a bat and I’m not afraid to use it

**TheBestNovak:** STOP WITH THE STICKY HANDS STO P

**Cassie:** so much violence

**JoJo:** go. wake. meg. 

**Nerd:** hey listen im not ready to die yet

**JoJo:** fine, then I’m going back to working for the food that i’ll eat myself

**Nerd:** okay

**LittleMoose:** I’m gonna go see if mom made breakfast

**LittleMoose:** b l e s s mom made crepes 

**Nerd:** can she make us crepes when we come back home for thanksgiving

**LittleMoose:** she says yes if cas and dean are dating by then

**TheBestNovak:** well thats not happening so goodbye Mrs. Winchesters beautiful beautiful crepes

**LittleMoose has sent an image**

**Nerd:** bitch dont mOCK me I will fite you 

**LittleMoose:** see these beautiful beautiful crepes?

**JoJo:** you cant see me rn but im giving you the middle finger

**JoJo has sent an image**

**JoJo:** oh wait haha you can!!!

**TheBestNovak:** fuck you sam

**LittleMoose:** :-)

**LittleMoose:** love yall too

**Cassie:** I’m gonna ignore that and Charlie me and gabe are outside your apartment

**Nerd:** omw

* * *

**Cassie:** Charlie has a girlfriend

**Nerd:** I WISH

**LittleMoose:** WHAT HAPPENED???

**Masters:** man you sleep in for a couple hours

**JoJo:** it’s lunch time im coming home from my shift you overslept m8

**Masters:** man you sleep in for a couple hours

**Cassie:** I was recording her because she wanted me to, and she turned around when we were in the park and caught sight of this girl and let out this loud gasp and well,,,,, I guess you’ll see in the vlog

**Nerd:** THATS NOT GOING IN THE VLOG

**TheBestNovak:** its going in the vlog

**Cassie:** its on my phone so 

**TheBestNovak:** and he sent it to me

**Cassie has sent a video**

**LittleMoose:** I’m too lazy to watch that

**BigMoose:** congrats Charlie I’m proud

**Cassie:** she tripped and fell in the mud

**BigMoose:** nevermind

**Nerd:** CAS WHOS SIDE ARE YOU ON?????

**Cassie:** Not yours

**Nerd:** hOLY FUCK ALL THIS DISSING AL L THIS D ISSIN G FROM M Y BES T FRIE ND FORE VER

**BigMoose:** he’s my best friend back tf off

**TheBestNovak:** no he’s ur boyfriend dean there’s a difference cmon you gotta know this by now

**BigMoose:** Fick U

**LittleMoose:** Fick U

**BigMoose:** fuvk

**Masters:** fuvk 

**LittleMoose:** tag urself im Fick U

**TheBestNovak:** im Fuvk

**BigMoose:** yall can go fcuck urselfs with a cactus

**Nerd:** I’m “yall can go fcuck urselfs with a cactus”

**Cassie:** I’m Fuvk?

**JoJo:** im Fick U

**LittleMoose has added Driel to the conversation**

**LittleMoose has added banANNA to the conversation**

**LittleMoose:** I sent them the Receipts nd they wanted to tag themselves

**banANNA:** IM “YALL CAN GO FCUCK URSELFS WITH A CACTUS”

**Driel:** im fuvk

**TheBestNovak has removed Driel from the conversation**

**TheBestNovak has removed banANNA from the conversation**

**LittleMoose:** you bitch now they’re gonna be mean to me again

**Cassie:** you deserve it

**LittleMoose:** GASP

**LittleMoose:** IM AN INNOCENT

**TheBestNovak:** imma beat you up 

**TheBestNovak:** what happens in this chat STAYS in this chat bitch

**LittleMoose:** BROTHER PLEASE HELP

**BigMoose:** im eating rn so no

**BigMoose:** my roomie’s boyfriend makes amazing nutella pancakes and im crying

**Nerd:** and you didnt invite me to eat these pancakes???? Im offended???

**Cassie:** no im glad cause that way we got to record her falling in the park

**Nerd:** CAS CATCH THESE HANDS

**TheBestNovak:** wow now they’re just holding hands and glaring at each other this is so stupid

**TheBestNovak has sent an image**

**TheBestNovak:** dean r u jelly that ur boyfriend is bein stolen ;-))))

**BigMoose:** one Charlie’s a lesbian

**TheBestNovak:** HE DIDSJNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CAS NOT BEING HIS BF

**BigMoose:** two cas isNT MY BOYFRIEND BIH I WAS GETTING TO THAT PART

**LittleMoose:** this chat is a trainwreck

**JoJo:** you started this mess

**Masters:** you clean it up

**LittleMoose:** Me? Clean? That’s hysterical

**BigMoose:** thats tru cause sam doesnt know how to clean his room my dorm room is very clean bc of me

**Masters:** damn all along I thought that Dean was the one who caused the mess in ur room

**BigMoose:** it was always on sams side!!!

**Masters:** I thought you were the one who still had spongebob bedsheets

**LittleMoose:** Fick U i love spongebob

**BigMoose:** Spongebob is Juvinile 

**LittleMoose:** do you even know what you wanted to spell because I don’t

**BigMoose:** Fuck You

**Nerd:** Fick U****

**Masters:** Fuvk U******

**JoJo:** Fcuck Urselfs

**BigMoose:** I Want To Jump Off A Cliff

**Nerd:** anyway

**Cassie:** yes, anyway

**Cassie:** Charlie has a Woman to Impress

**TheBestNovak:** I love that for once Cas is being real fucking annoying to someone I l ov e thi s

**Masters:** im going back to sleep, its sunday

**Nerd:** Catch These Hands Again Cassie

**Cassie:** Don’t call me Cassie 

**TheBestNovak:** TELL HER TO CATCH UR HANDS CASSIE

**Cassie:** All of yall can catch these hands

**LittleMoose:** DAMN WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

**TheBestNovak:** exist

**LittleMoose:** im insulted

**BigMoose:** good

**Cassie:** sorry sam you’re excluded from catching these hands

**TheBestNovak:** they’re holding hands again and glaring at each other.

**JoJo:** where’d u go its been ten minutes

**TheBestNovak:** SORRY IVE JUST BEEN LAUGHING FRO TENN MINUTES 

**Nerd:** SOTPPP

**Cassie:** Please,,, Gabriel,,,

**TheBestNovak has sent a video**

**TheBestNovak:** THESE FUCKERS IM CRYING 

**BigMoose:** omg 

**JoJo:** OH MY GO D

**LittleMoose:** thats what happens when yall make everyone catch them hands

**Nerd:** STOP DID YOU NOTICE I TRIPPED OVER A STROLLER???? AND THEN THE MOM YELLED AT ME!!!

**Cassie:** Please I tripped over a homeless person’s foot I feel horrible

**Nerd:** FUCK WHY DID ANYONE LET ME GO OUTSIDE

**JoJo:** SO THAT YOU’D GET A FUCKING JOB

**Masters:** wow gabe wasnt lying when he said that this chat could be used as a vibrator

**LittleMoose:** SPAOT

**Masters:** I’m not touching his shitty English guys

**BigMoose:** what 

**TheBestNovak:** oH YEAH 

**TheBestNovak:** IF YOUR PHONES ON VIBRATE YOU COULD JUST SHOVE YOUR PHONE UP YOUR ASS INSTEAD OF BUYING YOURSELF A VIBRATOR BC NOBODY SHUTS UP

**JoJo:** Please, please tell me you haven’t tried that.

**TheBestNovak:** what the fuck no I was joking

**JoJo:** oh thank god

**Masters:** well anyway, my sleeping plans have been ruined I’m gonna go search the internet.

**Cassie:** have fun

* * *

 

**TheBestNovak:** so I edited together a mashup of our day and forced Charlie to post it guys

**TheBestNovak:** we gon be famous bitches!!!!

**Nerd:** I cant,,,, beleve

**Cassie:** I

**LittleMoose:** beleve

**Masters:** beleve

**BigMoose:** yES FOR ONCE ITS NOT ME

**JoJo:** b e l e v e

**Cassie:** beleve?

**TheBestNovak:** I beleve in you Charlie

**Cassie:** guys what do I do

**JoJo:** whats happening

**Cassie:** I’ll send you a video but in short Charlie’s on Gabes back pulling his hair out so

**LittleMoose:** So Gabes gonna go balding much sooner than he expected???

**Masters:** I guess m8

**Cassie has sent a video**

**TheBestNovak:** cMON CAS

**Nerd:** woo I feel great about myself

**LittleMoose:** gabe I think you may want to invest in a hat

* * *

 

**TheBestNovak:** did yall know that cas has a tattoo

**Nerd:** when did cas get a tattoo

**Masters:** I wanna know how,,, he hates needles

**Cassie:** I don’t have a tattoo

**TheBestNovak:** yeah sure and you weren’t sleeping shirtless on your dorm bed either

**Cassie has sent an image**

**LittleMoose:** I dont think you saw Cas

**JoJo:** his. fucking. roommate. looks. like. him. 

**Cassie:** Yeah. He does.

**TheBestNovak:** oh.

**Nerd:** so I see that Cas is back to cuddling with his bf

**Cassie:** sigh.

**JoJo:** theres no point charlie either they’ll admit it or they wont

**Masters:** and they wont

**Cassie:** he fell asleep on me I cant move

**LittleMoose:** im sure you’re so so upset over that

**Cassie:** actually, I am, I have to pee

**Nerd:** well I’m busy never going outside again

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll come over but I’m not gonna help you

**Masters:** what if deans roomie comes back and has kinky sex again

**Cassie:** oh god I hope they dont

**LittleMoose:** please don t

**Masters:** SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

**Nerd:** Sam grow tf up pl e a se

**TheBestNovak:** sam ur fourteen you can hear the word sex and not cringe man

**LittleMoose:** no I cANT

**LittleMoose:** leavE ME ALONE 

**Cassie:** sex?

**LittleMoose:** AHHHHHHHHHHHH

**JoJo:** man we all passed that phase by fourteen 

**TheBestNovak:** Dean didn’t

**Masters:** It runs in the genes I guess

**Cassie:** poor Winchesters

**LittleMoose:** lEAVE ME A LON E

**Nerd:** Um? No? 

**LittleMoose:** catch thESE HANDS B I TCH 

**Nerd:** Um? No?

**Masters:** Charlie would kill you sam ur weak

**TheBestNovak:** sam is the weak link we must cut him off

**TheBestNovak has removed LittleMoose from the conversation**

**Masters:** lets see how long until he bothers someone

* * *

**LittleMoose >>>> Cassie**

**LittleMoose:** put me back in

**Cassie:** Um? No?

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**Cassie:** two seconds

**Nerd:** huh?

**Cassie has sent an image**

**Nerd:** OHMYGOD CASSIE AM I GONNA BE A THING™

**Masters:** Um? No?

**JoJo:** saying “Um? No?” isn’t a thing bc you said it Charlie

**Nerd:** Um? No?

**Cassie:** Um? No?

**TheBestNovak:** Um? No?

**TheBestNovak:** lmao now he’s bothering me thats cute

**Nerd:** did u Um? No? him??? Cause if you didnt ur a disappointment.

**TheBestNovak:** who tf do you think I am of course I Um? No?’d him

**Masters:** good lmao

**Masters:** he’s bothering me now

**Cassie:** fuck Dean’s roommate came back 

**TheBestNovak:** cASSIE NO CURSING

**Cassie:** Nevermind his boyfriend isn’t with him

**Masters:** how many times have you caught Jimmy doin it with his gf?

**Cassie:** about eight within the last two weeks

**Cassie:** usually he sends me a text to let me know and then I wait outside the door at night 

**Nerd:** im cRYING CAS

**JoJo:** next time that happens just come to our apartment Cas lmao we have a couch

**TheBestNovak:** Idk if my roomie has a s/o, they dont talk to me often

**Cassie:** that’s understandable

**Masters:** damn okay I was gonna make that joke but aight guess not

**TheBestNovak:** b e t r a y e d b y m y o w n b r o t h e r

**Cassie:** yup

**Cassie:** Dean’s roommate is trying to talk to me guys bye

**JoJo:** Have fun

**Nerd:** Make good choices!!!

**TheBestNovak:** still sad and hurt 

**Masters:** fuck off 

**TheBestNovak:** make me

**Masters:** you wanna ??? catch these hands ???

**Nerd:** no dont do it gabe

**Nerd:** save urself dont

**TheBestNovak:** mEET ME AT UR APARTMENT EIGHT TONIGHT

**Masters:** BITCH DONT WORRY ILL ALREADY BE THERE

**Nerd:** i tried Jo

**JoJo:** dont worry they’re too lazy to actually fight

**JoJo:** plus Gabe’s a whimp

* * *

 

**LittleMoose >>>> JoJo**

**LittleMoose:** ADD ME BACK IN PUH-LEASE

**JoJo:** Um? No?

**LittleMoose:** F U C K Y O U B I T CH 

**JoJo:** listen here, I will block you

**LittleMoose:** no wait please I’m sorry

**LittleMoose:** Jo? 

**LittleMoose:** JO!!!!

* * *

 

**“Fuck You All”**

**JoJo:** how long until we actually let Sam back in

**TheBestNovak:** we’ll wait until Dean wakes up and then he can add his bro in

**Masters:** sounds good to me

**TheBestNovak:** and fuck you I’m not a whimp

**JoJo has removed TheBestNovak from the conversation**

**Nerd:** We Are Free

**Masters:** thanks Jo you da best

**JoJo:** <3

**Masters:** <3

**Nerd:** <3

**BigMoose:** what

**Cassie:** Dean’s awake

**Masters:** yeah, we can see that

**Cassie:** gee okay then

**Nerd:** we took Gabe and Sam outta the chat

**BigMoose:** give me two seconds to read what went down

**Nerd:** iTS BEEN TWO SECONDS

**BigMoose:** BITCH THATS AN EXAGERATION COOL IT

**Cassie:** exaggeration*

**BigMoose:** excuse me?

**Cassie:** Sam’s not here, someone’s gotta do it

**BigMoose:** fuck okay you know what???

**BigMoose has added LittleMoose to the conversation**

**LittleMoose:** love ya big bro

**BigMoose has added TheBestNovak to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** good

**LittleMoose:** fuck you gabe

**TheBestNovak:** who invited him back

**BigMoose:** me

**TheBestNovak:** why would you do this to us

**LittleMoose:** HEY

**BigMoose:** because he’d go cry to mom if I didn’t

**LittleMoose:** HEY 

**BigMoose:** am I lying tho? am I tho?

**LittleMoose:** … hey

**Nerd:** well, the peace and quiet has been broken

**Masters:** charlie come to the couch we’re gonna binge avatar

**Nerd:** COMING

**JoJo:** fuck if yall dont wait for me I s2g

**Masters:** bring food

**Nerd:** bring soda too

**JoJo:** gotta do everythin in this damn house s2g

**BigMoose:** cas

**Cassie:** yes?

**BigMoose:** wanna go back to your dorm and watch something

**Cassie:** no

**BigMoose:** why?

**Cassie:** because Jimmy and his gf are having sex right now and I don’t wish to watch

**TheBestNovak:** damn both of your roommates get more than you do

**BigMoose:** oh

**BigMoose:** fuck off Gabe

**BigMoose:** then I guess we’ll stay here then

**Cassie:** yep

**LittleMoose:** damn yall are boring 

**LittleMoose:** aren’t college kids supposed to go out and get drunk and stuff??

**TheBestNovak:** well,,, after the lsd incident,,, we decided to wait until we’re legal

**LittleMoose:** you know? you never really explained what happened then?

**TheBestNovak:** yeah, and it’s gonna stay that way 

**TheBestNovak:** dont do drugs kids

**LittleMoose:** dont worry I dont wanna fuck my life up like yours :^)

**TheBestNovak:** dean your brother’s using that smiley face unironically and it pisses me off

**BigMoose:** bitch

**LittleMoose:** JERK

**BigMoose:** BITCH

**LittleMoose:** J E R K 

**BigMoose:** B I T C H 

**LittleMoose:** JERK JERK JERK JERK JERK JERK JERK

**BigMoose:** IM GONNA

**BigMoose:** BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH

**BigMoose:** im TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT

**LittleMoose:** YOU’RE ONLY EIGHTEEN DEAN

**BigMoose:** TOO. OLD.

**LittleMoose:** MA IS CALLIN ME DOWN FOR SOMETHING BYE

**BigMoose:** BYE

**TheBestNovak:** well that was an adventure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K cool so I start school sept. 6th, and I have two more books to read, one to annotate and one that I have to then answer some questions on. I can not write another full chapter before then. I did write another short story titled "The One Where Cas Is The New Kid" and I think it's cute? But it's short and pretty unedited so I'm on my way over to probably edit that and everything.   
> Um, if anyone's willing to like, draw some things, that'd be cool. I'm no artist so I can't draw anything for this fic. If you wanna draw like a little thing for any of the short fics, or for some image that's mentioned in this fic, I'd love it. Did I mention my instagram is @pickledmess?? I forget but now it's there.   
> Okay, this is me signing off for two weeks bye!!


	15. It's Night Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things happen yall  
> plans are Made

**“Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** I feel like when I have kids I’ll get like calls from their teacher in like kindergarten that’ll be like, 

**Nerd:** “Yes, Mrs. Bradbury. Today while the kids were coloring Timmy broke his crayon and said, uhm, excuse my language, he said ‘I want to fucking die’ and quite frankly I’m a little concerned. Is everything alright at home?”

**Nerd:** -wild flashback to the other day when I dropped my pencil while making a list and said that I wanted to fucking die-

**Nerd:** “Oh, sorry teacher person. I have absolutely NO idea where he gets it from I promise I’ll have a talk with him.”

**Nerd:** and then I’ll just like move to another country. 

**BigMoose:** ““when I have kids””

**Nerd:** bITCH WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ARE YOU SAYING I CANT HAVE KIDS CAUSE IM A LESBIAN???

**BigMoose:** no I’m saying nobody there aint nobody who is gonna date you

**Nerd:** Listen fuck you buddy boi people l o v e me

**BigMoose:** s u r e

**LittleMoose:** I say that Charlie beats Dean up

**Nerd:** Dean I’m omw square up

**BigMoose:** I’m in class

**Masters:** so am I so stop fucking texting

**LittleMoose:** no it’s four in the afternoon and I am fucking bored

**JoJo:** I TOLD MY BOSS O N F R I D A Y THAT I CANT WORK ON THIS THURSDAY.

**JoJo:** HE TOLD ME T O D A Y THAT MY SHIFT FOR THURSDAY IN FROM 3-6

**JoJo:** AND I TOLD HIM THAT FRIDAY I SAID I COULDNT WORK THEN BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING CLASS AT 3 

**JoJo:** AND THIS BITCH SAYS WOW THATS NEWS TO ME

**JoJo:** IM GONNA FUCKING PUNCH HIM

**Masters:** D O  I T

**Masters:** just remember that we’re all poor and can’t bail you out of jail

**JoJo:** OH MY GOD I HAVE TO FIND SOMEOEN TO CPVER MY SHIF TBYE

**Nerd:** damn good luck 

**LittleMoose:** don’t murder anyone

**JoJo:** NO GODDAMN FUCKIN PROMISES SAM

**Nerd:** Dean I’m still omw square up

**BigMoose:** please this class is important

**BigMoose:** I need this class

**Nerd:** okay but I’m going to your dorm room and I’m waiting until you get back

**BigMoose:** I

**BigMoose:** fine whatever

* * *

 

**Nerd:** okay plan backfired dean your roomie and his bf are having hardcore sex again

**Cassie:** oh my god

**LittleMoose:** SOTP!!!!

**Nerd:** … anyway

**Nerd:** tbh that was An Experience I think I learned something

**TheBestNovak:** okay but can gay sex really be related to lesbian sex

**Nerd:** well, yeah

**Nerd:** for one, both types of sex involve people of the same gender doing it

**LittleMoose:** p l e a s e

**Nerd:** and two you’re a boy how tf would you know about lesbian sex

**TheBestNovak:** but…

**Nerd:** bitch, you have a dick,

**TheBestNovak:** okay, whatever

**LittleMoose:** thank

**TheBestNovak:** anyway I just love having SEX all the time because SEX is great. SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX

**Nerd:** jfc

**LittleMoose:** L E A V E  M E  A L O N  E

**TheBestNovak:** N O 

**BigMoose:** jesus christ 

**BigMoose:** please stop gabriel I don’t wanna hear anything from mom

**LittleMoose:** whO SAYS IM GONNA COMPLAIN TO MOM HUH??? WHAT IF I COMPLAIN TO DAD???

**Cassie:** even I know you wouldn’t complain to John

**Cassie:** Dean’s the daddy’s boy, you’re the mommy’s boy

**TheBestNovak:** yeah Sam your a mommy’s boy

**LittleMoose:** you’re*

**TheBestNovak:** okay you know what

**TheBestNovak has removed LittleMoose from the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** better

**BigMoose:** wtf who said I was the daddy’s boy, I’m not anybody’s boy, I’m independant

**Cassie:** Dean please

**TheBestNovak:** Cas is like one second short of being the sweet little housewife “Dear, please” condescending voice and all

**BigMoose:** I don’t need this I’m going back to class

**Nerd:** I’ll wait outside your dorm room for you

**Cassie:** independant, sure

**TheBestNovak:** Sure, Jan

**Nerd:** no memeing while I’m suffering listening to deans roomies fucking

**TheBestNovak:** Sure, Jan

**Nerd:** You wanna Fite too??

**TheBestNovak:** No,,,

**Nerd:** then. stop. the. memeing. 

**TheBestNovak:** okay….

* * *

 

**BigMoose:** Charlie I’m home where are you

**Nerd:** at my home you took too long you fucking dickhead

**BigMoose:** I WAS IN C L A S S 

**Nerd:** WHAT YOU WANT ME TO COME THERE AND FIGHT YOU???

**BigMoose:** NO NOW I WANNA FIGHT YOU COME HERE SQUARE UP 

**Nerd:** NO 

**BigMoose:** fine, I’m going to sleep. 

**TheBestNovak:** wild

**BigMoose:** Listen I Will Fight You

**Cassie:** Why is everyone fighting

**Cassie:** War Is Not Peace everyone

**JoJo:** Cas go to sleep

**TheBestNovak:** It’s only eight his bedtime is nine, he can stay up another hour

**Cassie:** okay now I get it

**TheBestNovak:** get what

**Cassie:** As the kids say, square up Gabriel because I’m gonna fight you

**TheBestNovak:** I, no. Stay away

**Masters:** I don’t think it works like that Gabe he’s challenging you

**Nerd:** Yeah if you decline then that means you’re a whimp

**JoJo:** everyone. go. to. sleep.

**Nerd:** yes mom

**Masters:** yes Mom

**TheBestNovak:** yes mom

**BigMoose:** yes mom

**Cassie:** yes??? mom???

**JoJo:** I s2g, goodnight.

* * *

 

**Nerd has added LittleMoose to the conversation**

**LittleMoose:** Tis I, the Frenchiest Fry

**Nerd:** Are we gonna have a problem?

**LittleMoose:** what

**JoJo:** You got a bone to pick?

**LittleMoose:** no…

**Masters:** You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my DICK?

**LittleMoose:** you don’t have a dick

**BigMoose:** whats going on i was sleeping wtf

**Nerd:** I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch!

**JoJo:** But I’m feeling nice,

**Masters:** Here’s some advice,

**Nerd:** LISTEN UP BIOTCH!

**LittleMoose:** I feel so attacked right now

**BigMoose:** I just want some fucking sleep

**TheBestNovak:** IT IS MIDNIGHT AND IT IS OFFICIALLY WEDNESDAY

**Cassie:** Oh my god Heathers

**Nerd:** I CALLED IT IF UCKING CLALGED IT MEG JO YOU OWE ME MONEY FUCKIN BITCHES

**Masters:** Clarence couldn’t you have like, pretended to be asleep or something, or like just pretend you don’t get the reference

**LittleMoose:** I’m still confused

**BigMoose:** wasn’t that a movie

**TheBestNovak:** oh my god goodbye and goodnight

**Cassie:** I’m sorry?

**JoJo:** wait wait, what are you doing up at midnight Cas

**Cassie:** I’m listening to music and finishing an essay

**Masters:** what kind of music

**Cassie:** Hamilton

**JoJo:** FUCK

**Masters:** Cas just gained me ten bucks I’m so :’)

**Cassie:** why is everyone betting on my life

**Nerd:** we have literally nothing else to do

**JoJo:** you could get a job

**LittleMoose:** I’m still confused

**BigMoose:** just go to sleep dumbass

**Masters:** can we kick sam out for what he said when we added him back

**LittleMoose:** nO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE I BEG YOU KEEP ME IN

**LittleMoose:** i MADE THIS CHAT I WILL TAKE IT THE FUCK DOWN

**BigMoose:** no you wont shut the fuck up

**TheBestNovak:** go. the fuck. to sleep. 

**Cassie:** I should go before Stay Alive (Reprise) comes on

**Masters:** I s2g Castiel Novak

**Nerd:** oh fuck the full name

**JoJo:** does Cas have a middle name?

**TheBestNovak:** no

**Cassie:** why are you pulling out my full name Meg

**Masters:** fuck you and fuck Lin Manuel Miranda

**Cassie:** no thanks… 

**Nerd:** shit honestly what the fuck

**JoJo:** Meg come cuddle

**Masters:** bitch I s2g

**Nerd:** wait can we have a cuddle session in Jo’s room

**JoJo:** yes I’m cold and we didn’t pay the heating bill 

**Nerd:** okay nice I’ll bring my blankets

**Nerd:** what was that thump

**Masters:** me tripping over my comforter please come help me up

**LittleMoose:** what even goes on in that apartment

**JoJo:** Charlie what are you laughing at

**TheBestNovak:** I try not to think about it Sam

**Cassie:** I don’t know Sam

**BigMoose:** nobody knows sam, go to sleep

**Nerd:** MEG IS JUST SOBBING INTO HER COMFORTER FACE FIRST ON THE GROUND I CAN T

**Masters:** I AM IN P A I N BITCH HELP ME

**Cassie:** This is what He does to you

**Cassie:** first He makes you learn to rap

**Cassie:** then He makes you sob while singing in another language

**Masters:** you mean counting in french

**Cassie:** Haven’t I shown you In The Heights?

**Masters:** what

**Cassie:** when are you free for like four hours

**Nerd:** wait I wanna be there too

**JoJo:** I’ll bring coffees from work while you’re sobbing

**Masters:** I don’t think our schedules line up well enough for that

**Cassie:** this saturday at eleven

**Masters:** I don’t wake up that early on weekends, try one 

**Cassie:** this saturday at one

**Nerd:** I AM COMING TOO

**Cassie:** Okay

**LittleMoose:** woah is it really four hours

**Cassie:** no but we need time afterwards to recover

**LittleMoose:** I, uh, okay...

**TheBestNovak:** Cas you might as well go to them bc you and charlie can hang out and listen to hamilton before Meg wakes up

**Cassie:** this saturday at ten, Charlie

**LittleMoose:** love that he just invites himself over

**JoJo:** lbr honestly who would turn Cas down

**BigMoose:** me

**TheBestNovak:** thats a lie you’d be ready and waiting naked the minute he said he was coming over

**LittleMoose:** not an image I’d like of my brother

**TheBestNovak:** an image of your brother you’ve already seen

**BigMoose:** I swear to fucking god Gabriel Novak

**JoJo:** fucking hell the Novak brothers are just both gonna be murdered tonight apparently

**LittleMoose:** well actually it’s like one in the morning so

**BigMoose:** This Is Your Big Brother Telling You To Go To Fucking Sleep

**LittleMoose:** you’re not my mother

**BigMoose:** no but I can call mom

**LittleMoose:** and risk waking her up and getting your ass roasted? No

**BigMoose:** try me bitch

**LittleMoose:** … 

**LittleMoose:** okay goodnight

**BigMoose:** thank god

**Cassie:** I still have a paper to finish

**Cassie:** I have three of eight pages written

**Nerd:** RIP Castiel Novak, March 1st 1998 - November 15th 2016

**TheBestNovak:** bye bro

**JoJo:** Bi* bro

**TheBestNovak:** bi bro

**Cassie:** who said I was bisexual

**JoJo:** your goddamn minute crush on your roommate

**Masters:** who also looks like you btw so like

**Nerd:** Cas just leave just go jsut

**Cassie:** I’m feeling attacked right now

**Cassie:** when did I ever say I liked girls

**Nerd:** your goddamn crush on Meghan Calhoun in ninth grade 

**Cassie:** Oh, yeah,

**JoJo:** did we just get Cas to realize his sexuality?

**Cassie:** Yeah.. I think so

**TheBestNovak:** Nice Bro

**BigMoose:** who in this chat is str8 say I

**BigMoose:** I

**TheBestNovak:** that’s a lie

**LittleMoose:** I 

**JoJo:** I

**BigMoose:** You know what Gabe? I’m coming over and I’m gonna fight you

**LittleMoose:** I mean,,, is he wrong tho?

**BigMoose:** YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP

**LittleMoose:** but is he wrong

**BigMoose:** NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BROTHE R.

**LittleMoose:** Yes it is if we’re still sharing a room when you come home from school

**LittleMoose:** I need to know how I’ll be scarred for life

**Masters:** cmon Dean he just wants to know if you’re gonna fuck a girl or a boy in your bedroom this summer

**BigMoose:** NEITHER???? 

**LittleMoose:** no please dont put it that way 

**Nerd:** but that’s like, what you meant, so, sucks, 

**Cassie:** oh boy its one thirty

**TheBestNovak:** love that I caused this

**BigMoose:** bitch,,, I will strangle you

**Cassie:** please dont Dean I don’t know how to drive I still need Gabriel

**Nerd:** Where do you need a ride to 

**Cassie:** I don’t know but if I’m home I need a ride places

**JoJo:** Cas why don’t you have your license

**Masters:** no remember he did get his license but then he crashed the car into a pole

**JoJo:** oh yeah I forgot about that

**Cassie:** It wasn’t that bad of a crash

**Nerd:** ehh….

**TheBestNovak:** I mean no but Luci was pretty pissed and yelled at me instead of you so

**BigMoose:** Lmao why

**TheBestNovak:** because I don’t know nobody wants to yell at Cas or Samandriel it’s like, you just don’t yell at them

**Nerd:** its because they’re too Pure™

**JoJo:** I hate yall and I’m going to bed Meg and Charlie get in here so that we can cuddle and go tf to sleep

**Nerd:** omw

**Masters:** binch I am still on the ground come h e l p me 

**Nerd:** I just got into Jo’s bed tho

**Nerd:** It’s comfy and big

**Nerd:** what was that thump

**Masters:** me trying to push myself up with one arm and slipping on the comforter

**Nerd:** I’m on my way meg please don’t die

**Masters:** I’m trying, boi am I trying

**LittleMoose:** I’m going to bed

**BigMoose:** good riddance

**LittleMoose:** you know what?

**BigMoose:** Go To Sleep

**Cassie:** He’s just a concerned brother be happy Sam

**LittleMoose:** He’s bossy

**TheBestNovak:** He JUS t lOVe s uYOU!!!!

**LittleMoose:** Okay fuck you and goodbye

**LittleMoose:** Night cas!!!!

**Cassie:** Night Sam

**BigMoose:** Good Riddance

**TheBestNovak:** Night Samantha

**Masters:** I Am In Bed Good Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay quick note:   
> I took down the authors note bc it would bother me if I left it up, but point still stands: I will write when I can (today I wasn't working and don't have lots of homework b l e s s) and post when I can. But school and work have to come first.  
> Anyway because of a few things I've noticed in this chat that I write pretty much reflexively:  
> Don't joke about someone's sexuality, who they're dating, who they have a crush on, ect. ect.   
> This chat is pretty much how I talk to One (1) of my friends, we just generally are pretty rude to each other (more than this tbh) but like that is how our friendship just works, like we mutally bully each other but we both know that we're just joking around. Unless you got a friendship like that I'd advise not being rude like that lmao.   
> Woo okay...  
> Lmao I had major Feelings about broadway this chapter can you tell?  
> Till next time my friends


	16. P a n i c

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is Panicking

**“Fuck You All”**

**LittleMoose:** Good morning

**TheBestNovak:** It’s six in the morning fuck off

**LittleMoose:** wow okay then fuck you too

* * *

**LittleMoose:** Good morning

**Masters:** no, it’s seven, go back to sleep

**LittleMoose:** You guys sleep in really late

**Masters:** You’re the unnatural one waking up at six

**LittleMoose:** It’s called School 

**Masters:** Just fuck off I’m going back to sleep

* * *

**BigMoose:** Good morning, now

**LittleMoose:** It’s 8:30

**BigMoose:** I know

**JoJo:** Time to rise and shine

**Masters:** Listen I’m not “shining” today, I’m dying today

**Nerd:** don’t be melodramatic

**Masters:** make me

**JoJo:** I’m not pulling cereal out of either of your hair

**Nerd:** Okay, fine, 

**Masters:** b l e s s

**Cassie:** I’m going back to bed

**Masters:** fuck you cas and your twelve o’clock tuesday classes

**Cassie:** I know, I’m lucky

**TheBestNovak:** I hate all of you

**TheBestNovak:** I’ve been in class for a half hour already

**Masters:** That’s your fault for taking an 8 o’clock class

**TheBestNovak:** I THOUGHT IT WAS AT NIGHT!!!

**BigMoose:** Stupidity at it’s finest. 

**TheBestNovak:** you know what bitch,

**LittleMoose:** Please stop texting my phone keeps buzzing

**BigMoose:** no

**JoJo:** dont tell me what to do

**Masters:** If you get your phone taken away I’ll be glad

**Nerd:** h

**Nerd:** i

**Nerd:** s

**Nerd:** a

**TheBestNovak:** lmao

**Nerd:** m

**Nerd:** Gabe I’m coming over to kick your ass rn square up

**TheBestNovak:** Yeah sure shortstack

**Nerd:** IM NOT AS SHORT AS SAM FUCK YOU

**BigMoose:** Tru I think Sam is the shortest person alive

**LittleMoose:** just you wait

**Cassie:** Nice Hamilton reference

**Masters:** Okay Cas I’m coming over square up

**Cassie:** No, I’m locking my door and going back to sleep

**BigMoose:** I have to go to class

**JoJo:** I have work

**Nerd:** work work work work work wordsidontknownksbgdhhd

**JoJo:** stop you’re so white Charlie I’m embarrassed 

**Masters:** ye I gotta go too

**Nerd:** shit iM LATE

**Nerd:** AHHHHHHH

**Cassie:** bye everyone.

**Cassie:** I’ll just be here

**BigMoose:** don’t hurt yourself

* * *

**Cassie:** Okay nobody panic

**Nerd:** I’m already panicking

**Cassie:** I came to a sudden stop in to the road

**BigMoose:** I SAID DONT HURT YOURSELF

**Masters:** what

**Nerd:** I’m trYING TO TRANSLATE CAS TALK

**TheBestNovak:** DID YOU TRIP OR DID YOU RUN INTO A POLE AGAIN

**Cassie:** You see, there was the grate thing, and my foot is so small it fits like almost in it did you know

**BigMoose:** FUCK CAS I AM IN C L A S S

**JoJo:** I’m not Cas where are you I’m on my way

**Cassie:** Please come get me I’m on broadway

**JoJo:** whAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU THERE

**TheBestNovak:** THIS??? YOU ASK THIS???? HAVE YOU MET MY GODDAMN NERDY BROADWAY GEEK OF A B R O T H E R????????

**TheBestNovak:** I BET THE GEEK IS BY HAMILTON AGAIN

**Cassie:** screw you I’m actually by Les Mis

**TheBestNovak:** WHICH IS RIGHT NE XT TO HAMILTN YOU TRASH

**Nerd:** C A S 

**Masters:** EVERYONES PANICKING

**Cassie:** This was the Opposite of what I wanted

**Masters:** WELL TOO BAD WE’RE ALL PANICKING

**BigMoose:** GODDAMMIT CAS IM SUPPOSED TO BE THE HURT ONE

**Cassie:** how’s your hand doing

**BigMoose:** STILL THE SAME AS WHEN YOU ASKED ME THIS MORNIGN CA S TI EL

**Nerd:** FUCK

**LittleMoose:** fUCK IM INL UNCH

**Cassie:** Stop Panicking

**JoJo:** IM GETTING ON THE SUBWAY N O W PULL YOURSELF OFF THE STREET

**Cassie:** I have calm down

**Nerd:** AHH AHH 

**TheBestNovak:** iM GETTING FLASHBACKS TO SENIOR YEAR WHEN CAS RAN INTO A POLE

**Cassie:** that was only last year

**TheBestNovak:** I KNOW

**Cassie:** Okay..

**BigMoose:** CAS. STOP GETTING HURT. 

**Cassie:** I can’t help it

**Masters:** WATCH WHERE YOU ARE WALKING 

**Cassie:** I was!!!

**Cassie:** I didn’t know my feet were that small!!!

**JoJo:** WELL NOW YOU DO CAS NOW YOU DO

**LittleMoose:** I S2G THIS ENTIRE CHAT IS JUST PANICKING

**Masters:** WHAT ELSE DO WE DO WHEN CAS GETS HURT????

**LittleMoose:** NOTHING BUT P A N I C

**Cassie:** can we not go to the hospital though

**JoJo:** bITCH??? WE ARE GOING TO THE HO S PITAL!

* * *

**“Novak Family Meeting™”**

**TheBestNovak:** CAS BROKE HIS ANKLE

**Cassie:** I did not you are over reacting!!!

**banANNA:** WHAT???

**Driel:** Oh no

**LuckyLuci:** samandriel get off of your phone you are in school

**Driel:** anna’s in school too

**LuckyLuci:** Cas what the fuck happened

**Driel:** why am I the only one getting yelled at

**Michael:** ???

**banANNA:** stfu driel 

**Cassie:** I. Tripped. Gabriel’s making it out to be more than it is.

**Cassie:** Jo is bringing me to the hospital this is ridiculous guys I only sprained it or something

**Michael:** Might as well get anything checked out while you’re still on dad’s health care

**LuckyLuci:** that’s true

**LuckyLuci:** Health cares a bitch

**Cassie:** But, I don’t like hospitals

**banANNA:** Cas why can’t you pull this crap at home so I can stay home from school and eat ice cream with you

**Cassie:** Because you need to go to school

**Cassie:** And I’m still going to school too!!!

**TheBestNovak:** no you’re not

**TheBestNovak:** the hospital is gonna take hours to get done

**Cassie:** great, just what I wanted

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll email your professors

* * *

**“Fuck You All”**

**JoJo:** I Got Him

**Nerd:** GOOD HOW IS HE???

**Cassie:** Stil here, still alive, able to walk

**JoJo:** Lies he’s leaning on me and hobbling

**Cassie:** Stop exposing me

**BigMoose:** JUST ACCEPT THE HELP!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** Listen to your boy toy cas

**BigMoose:** I’m gonna ignore that right now in favor of worrying about cas

**Cassie:** I’m not!!!!

**Cassie:** Me and Dean are not dating!!! Leave us alone!!!

**LittleMoose:** Idk I think I hear a noise it sounds like someone screaming lies

**Cassie:** Fuck you!

**TheBestNovak:** CASSIE!

**Nerd:** CAS WATCH YOUR L A N G U A G E

**LittleMoose:** ohMGOD 

**JoJo:** EVERYONE SHUT THE FU CK UP

**JoJo:** WE ARE ALMOST AT THE HOSPITAL

**Cassie:** I hate you all

**JoJo:** Too bad you’re going in you need me to hobble places

**Cassie:** I’m an independent man I can hobble on my own

**JoJo:** Goddammit now I gotta pick this Freak off the ground all by myself I’m

**TheBestNovak:** DONT CALL MY BROTHER A FREAK THATS MY NICKNAME

**Cassie:** NOBODY IS CALLING ME A FREAK BUT CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME PAIN MEDICATION PL E A SE

**JoJo:** now the boy wants help what a little bitch

**Masters:** CLARENCE!!!!!

**Cassie:** i hATE HOSPITALS

**LittleMoose:** SO!!!! MUCH!!!!!! IS!!!! HAPPENINGN!!!!!!!

**BigMoose:** CAS

**Cassie:** get me the opiates get me the opiates I want vicodin that always worked for House

**JoJo:** you dont get the heavy shit for spraining your ankle Cas

**Cassie:** its broken do I get them now???

**JoJo:** nO STOP BEING A WHINY BITCH

**TheBestNovak:** beN ICE TO MY POOR BROTHER

**Cassie:** I hate hospitals please can we get in and out j

**TheBestNovak:** wHERE HE GO??

**JoJo:** No phones in the xray placey thingy I took his

**Cassie:** Hey look its me!!!!! I’m oh so smart and have a bajillion brothers

**TheBestNovak:** hey,,,

**Cassie:** I act like I’m super innocent, which partially I still am, but let’s be real I’m not innocent at all

**TheBestNovak:** no wait, stop,

**Masters:** You’re trying so hard Gabe

**Cassie:** Remember the time I took LSD??? Yes, I did that

**Nerd:** end this

**JoJo:** Fine

**JoJo:** cas when you see these messages I love you, but its the truth, 

**JoJo:** Oh god I see him coming now he’s gonna pani c

**JoJo:** Now I feel bad,,,,, im logging off for now bye

**TheBestNovak:** My poor brother,

* * *

**JoJo:** see it was sprained,

**Cassie:** stop please

**JoJo:** but when Cas tried to hobble on his own

**Cassie:** end this exposure

**JoJo:** when he fell again he fell and hit it in a way that broke his ankle so now,,

**Cassie:** please can we just leave the hospital before I have to stay in here after having a heart attack

**BigMoose:** caSTIEL NOVAK

**Masters:** STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF

**Cassie:** I’m sory sstop yelLING

**Cassie:** please can we just leave the hospital I hate it here

**JoJo:** weLL WHEN YOU GET YOUR GAHDAMN CRUTCHES SIZED RIGHT YOU SMALL HUMAN BEING WE CAN

**Cassie:** I AM 5’8” THAT IS NORMAL HEIGHT FOR NOMRAL MALE 

**Nerd:** STOP BEING MEAN TO MY BEST FRIEND

**Masters:** clarENCE was that even english

**Cassie:** please I just want to lea ve

**JoJo:** we are Leaving.

**TheBestNovak:** I love you bro

**BigMoose:** dont worry cas 

**Cassie:** I’m Worrying. 

**JoJo:** I’m taking his phone again because he has no pockets, so don’t expect an answer from him for a while

**JoJo:** also he didn’t get opiates, just fyi, he’s not getting any.

**TheBestNovak:** I’m a little disappointed I have to say,

**TheBestNovak:** we could have made money,,,

**Masters:** your dad is rich stop being a bitch

**Nerd:** oHMY GOD THAT RHYMED

**Nerd:** o H OH MYGOD MEG

**Masters:** Stop. Calm Yourself. 

**Nerd:** nO

**Nerd:** yoURE NOT MY MOTHER YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

**Masters:** I can smack you tho that’d be fun

**Nerd:** stay away from me Criminal. 

**Masters:** ???

**BigMoose:** since Cas seems to be out of Danger I’m going back to my nap

**LittleMoose:** you take a nap at 12???

**BigMoose:** Hah, ye, college life

**LittleMoose:** can I skip highschool

**BigMoose:** No, bitch

**LittleMoose:** J

**LittleMoose:** E

**LittleMoose:** R

**TheBestNovak:** whats with ppl spelling things out today

**LittleMoose:** K gABE

**JoJo:** Cool we are home

**JoJo:** At the gal pal home

**Masters:** No, don’t call us that

**Nerd:** iM CALLING US THAT

**Masters:** I am not Gal Pals with you two

**Masters:** We are Close but not That Close

**Nerd:** what we’re just Gal Pals doing innocent Gal Pal Things™ what what did you think we were????

**Masters:** i s2g Charlie, when you get home, square up it’s going d o w n

**Nerd:** Sheesh take a joke

**Nerd:** k teacher has Spotted Me, I must Go.

**Masters:** goodbye

**BigMoose:** I’m turning my phone off nobody bother me

**Cassie:** Does he know he has class in about thirty minutes

**TheBestNovak:** How do you know he has class in thirty minutes

**Cassie:** I know all of your schedules

**TheBestNovak:** … weird, cas, ur weird

**Cassie:** Dean has class in thirty minutes someone should go wake him up

**JoJo:** No I’m making you chicken noodle soup and if you move an inch off that couch I will break your other ankle

**JoJo:** I hEARD THAT YOU BITCH STOP MOVING

**TheBestNovak:** damb Cas good luck

**Cassie:** I’m gonna die here

**Masters:** I have class in forty otherwise I would come out and watch avatar with u bud

**Cassie:** I’m, okay with that. 

**Masters:** Okay,,, I’m going back to sleep

**JoJo:**  If I hear you shuffle on that couch one more time cas…

**Cassie:** Okay, okay, please, i need the other one

**Jojo:** then dont move

**Cassie:** Okay,

* * *

**BigMoose:** SHIT ITS BEEN THREE H O U R S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops its been like 4 weeks, I'm sorry everyone but I got freaked over school and shit.  
> But hey!! Went to Torcon!!! Made Jared Padalecki laugh!!!! So that was awesome  
> Anyway, ye this chapter has been sitting here for like two months because I wanted to add more but I didn't know what else to add so I left it off with Dean freaking at the end.  
> This whole group chat is a w r e c k   
> Also if you guys haven't figured it out yet I've basically made Cas' character an accident waiting to happen that's all he is. (so like, me,)  
> anyway halloween is coming up I'm wearing a kangaroo onsie to school :-)


	17. Heh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In The Heights, among other things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this as fast as possible and have not looked over it once so several typos may be my own if they're not pointed out by someone else, and also some things may not make sense I just??? Good Luck Fam.

**“Fuck You All”**

**Nerd:** I, 

**Nerd has changed the group name to “I’m Emo”**

**Nerd:** I’m so sad

**BigMoose:** What Charlie are you okay?

**Cassie:** We’re listening to Hamilton

**BigMoose:** k nevermind fuck you guys

**Masters:** RIGHT CHARLIE?????

**Nerd:** I’m so sad because I love Daveed Diggs voice a lot but he plays Jefferson and I’ve had a deeply rooted hatred for Thomas Jefferson since elementary school

**LittleMoose:** what why?

**Masters:** because she hates swivel chairs

**Nerd:** I mean it’s obviously more than swivel chairs now he was a complete dickhead like HELLO he owned people

**Nerd:** but yeah, i always fall out of swivel chairs and that dickwad invented them so my 3rd grade mind was like “fuck Thomas Jefferson”

**LittleMoose:** ??

**Nerd:** bUT I LOVE DAVEED DIGGS!!!

**Masters:** Okay I thought you were talking about people dying but al r i g h t

**Nerd:** oh fuck Hamilton I’m glad he died

**Nerd:** thE YOUNGER HAMILTON THO I MEAN P H I L I P 

**Nerd:** SEPT HUIT, SEPT HUIT, SEPT HUIT!!!!

**Masters:** anyway I’m awake is it time to listen to ITH?

**Cassie:** Yes come here

**Cassie:** time to cry some more

**Masters:** stop doing that

**BigMoose:** I ???

* * *

**Nerd:** i AM USNAVI AND YOU PROLLY NEVA HEARD MAH NAME

**Masters:** Okay but you can hear the loser in his voice

**JoJo:** I get what you mean

**Masters:** Usnavi was definitely not the coolest kid in school

**Nerd:** he’s the coolest kid in my heart

**Cassie:** idk he had a boombox I find that really cool

**BigMoose:** I can’t take this what kind of name is Usnavi???

**Cassie:** it’s literally no kind of name it’s just US-Navy 

**Cassie:** his parents seemed cute and very excited about the US 

**Cassie:** But,,

**Nerd:** I s2g Castiel Novak shut up let us keep listening

**Cassie:** fine, fine

**Masters:** also, Charlie is Carla and I am Daniella 

**JoJo:** who tf am I then

**Masters:** Vanessa idk what do you want from me

**JoJo:** ???? 

**Masters:** jk Karen is too beautiful you’re like the trashcan that’s offstage

**JoJo:** square up

**Cassie:** lISTEN

**Nerd:** ohh this song is so sad I wanna hug Nina

**Masters:** this is??? Like almost me???

**Cassie:** this isn’t me at all my dad has money

**JoJo:** I’m poor as shit I like half identify with this, haha especially the scholarship part

**Masters:** please dont lose your scholarship

**JoJo:** hah, ye, that, totally not stressed about it or anything haha

**BigMoose:** do,,, do I say anything

**TheBestNovak:** just go to class or take a nap

**BigMoose:** iM NOT TAKING A NAP AFTER WHAT HAPPENED ON TUESDAY!

**LittleMoose:** also it’s saturday?

**BigMoose:** Gabe wanna go get lunch or something?

**TheBestNovak:** sure

**Nerd:** Wow Cas can’t sing in Spanish just fyi

**Cassie:** at least I tried fuck you

**Masters:** watch your laNGUAGE!!

**JoJo:** EVERYONE GET OFF THEIR PHONES AND LISTEN BITCHES

**LittleMoose:** No wait,,, don’t leave me alone

* * *

**Nerd:** it wont be lONGGGG NOWWWWW

**Masters:** shush

**Nerd:** dont tell me how to live my life

* * *

**Nerd:** can we take a break now bc Inutil just Killed Me

**JoJo:** that was so sad oh my god! 

**Cassie:** “that was so sad oh my god!”

**Masters:** dont tell me it gets worse

**Cassie:** If I tell you the next two songs are like more up beat can we keep going?

**JoJo:** no i need tissues hdol non

**Nerd:** I wanna hug everyone in this musical right now

* * *

 

**BigMoose:** I really want like, context to some of these comments

**Cassie:** listen to the musical then you uncultured swine

**Cassie:** sorry Dean Charlie stole my phone

**BigMoose:** Okay, I’m just gonna go now

* * *

 

**Masters:** Abuela Claudia is too good and pure for this world I’m so glad she won the money

**Nerd:** good and pure

**Nerd:** GOOD AND P U R E

**Cassie:** ha.

**Nerd:** whats that supposed to mean? Is she gonna lose her money?

**Cassie:** maybe

**Nerd:** bitch if she loses her money I’m slapping you

**Cassie:** don’t blame me blame Lin Manuel Miranda

**Nerd:** no cause he didn’t make me listen to this musical you did bitch

**Masters:** Anyway, too good and too pure

**JoJo:** I’m learning more spanish in this musical than I have taking Spanish for four years in highschool oh my

**Cassie:** I took German so

**TheBestNovak:** and dad said I couldn’t take the same language as Cassie because I’d just cheat off of him so I had to take fucking French

**TheBestNovak:** All I remember is baguettes

**Masters:** You moron we literally never talked about baguettes???

**TheBestNovak:** yeah but that’s all I thought about when I was in that class

**Cassie:** that explains so much

**BigMoose:** like what?

**Cassie:** like why he failed that class

**TheBestNovak:** tHE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAY WHAT CLASSES I FAILED IS ME CASTIEL NOVAK. ME.

**Cassie:** he also failed junior health

**Masters:** should Gabe even be allowed to fuck anyone

**Cassie:** dont worry that hasn’t happened since we moved to NY

**TheBestNovak:** CASTIEL HAS WATCHED HIS ROOMIE HAVE SEX

**LittleMoose:** WHAT AM I COMING BACK TO I JUST WANTE D TO EAT LUNCH

**Cassie:** I’ve liTERALLY NEVER DONE THAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

**TheBestNovak:** cAS HAS A PICTURE OF DEAN IN HIS ROOM THAT HE JACKS OFF TO

**LittleMoose:** I!!! DONT!!!! NEED!!! THIS!!!!

**BigMoose:** why jack off to a picture when he can have the real thing

**TheBestNovak:** WHAT???

**Masters:** HOLY DHTE FUCK U’O

**Nerd:** JKLSFHDAJGS?????

**Cassie:** dEAN

**BigMoose:** shit.

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

**Nerd:** oH FUCK NO

**Nerd has added BigMoose to the conversation**

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

**Nerd has added BigMoose to the conversation**

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

**Nerd has added BigMoose to the conversation**

**Nerd:** DONT LEAVE

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

**Cassie has left the conversation**

* * *

**Cassie >>>> BigMoose**

**Cassie:** DEAN WHAT THE HELL

**BigMoose:** iM SORRY I DIDNT !!!!!

**BigMoose:** CAS???? ARE YOU OKAY

**Cassie:** Dean this is charlie tell me everything

**BigMoose:** NO!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS U

**Cassie:** We Have Castiel Hostage. Tell Us Everything Or You’ll Never See Your Bae Again

**BigMoose:** fFFFUCK!!!

* * *

 

**“I’m Emo”**

**Nerd:** ffuuickckckck 

**Nerd has changed the group name to “DESTIEL IS REAL <33333”**

**LittleMoose:** I I ???

**LittleMoose:** i toLD MOM AND SHE JUST LET OUT THE B I G G E S T SIGH AND SAID “ITS ABOUT TIME” I CANt

**TheBestNovak:** IM FINDING DEAN

**Masters:** Charlie just stole Cas’ phone and he was texting Dean I’m screaming

**Nerd has added BigMoose to the conversation**

**Nerd has added Cassie to the conversation**

**Nerd:** Tell Us Everything If U Want Ur Bae

**BigMoose:** leave him alone ples

**Nerd:** ur boo is ours until you spILL!!!!

**BigMoose:** TWO YEARS

**Masters:** GASP!!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** YOU KEPY QUIET FOR TWO YEARS /????

**BigMoose:** YES !!! BECAUSE WE H A T E U 

**BigMoose:** GIMME MY BOO

**BigMoose:** sHIT NO IM NEVER SAYING THAT AGAIN JUST GIMME CAS

**Cassie:** DEAN!

**BigMoose:** CAS!

**TheBestNovak:** I….

**TheBestNovak:** SO WHEN I CAUGHT YOU SNEAKING OUT OF THE WINDOW TWO YEARS AGO CAS??

**Cassie:** oh no that really was me going to the library

**BigMoose:** wait you had to sneak out of the window

**Cassie:** Dad was… concerned…. That I spent so much time there....

**BigMoose:** believeable

**LittleMoose:** does this mean that they’re gonna do cutesy things in front of us

**Nerd:** IT BETTER!

**BigMoose:** .. no

**Cassie:** yeah… no

**Cassie:** so anyway,

**Nerd:** yOUR GONNA LEAVE US TO LISTEN TO ITH BY OURSELVES?

**Cassie:** yes I am in favor of my boyfriend

**BigMoose:** Man Friend

**Cassie:** Boy. 

**BigMoose:** Man.

**Cassie:** Dean please, not in front of our friends and family

**LittleMoose:** oh my god they’re already an old married couple

**Masters:** Okay wait seriously dean its not manfriend youf ucking 

**JoJo:** I’m still in shock so hold on

**TheBestNovak:** its boyfriend Dean stop being a baby

**BigMoose:** man friend sounds better

**TheBestNovak:** no it doesn’t it sounds ugly

**BigMoose:** jUST LIKE YOU 

**Cassie:** I’m two minutes away can you calm down

**BigMoose:** no no, we have to go to your dorm because my roomie and his bf are coming in now

**Cassie:** no, Jimmy and his gf are there,

**BigMoose:** well shit.

**BigMoose:** I’m telling Ben he’s gotta clear out

**TheBestNovak:** dID THIS “””BEN””” KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO BEFORE US

**BigMoose:** yeah, so did Jimmy and his gf 

**Cassie:** we just hate all of you 

**Cassie:** it’s all personal

**LittleMoose:** fuck both of you

**TheBestNovak:** dont worry they’ll fuck each other

**BigMoose:** GABE

**TheBestNovak:** what? I can say it now you two are dating

**BigMoose:** NOT IN FRONT OF MY BROTHER!!

**TheBestNovak:** Oh, eh oh well he’ll get over it. 

**Masters:** okay, well, Idk what to do now lets just go back to in the heights

**JoJo:** yeah, I need to process

**Nerd:** yeah…

* * *

 

**“DESTIEL IS REAL <33333”**

**Nerd:** fUCK YOU CASTIEL NOVAK

**Masters:** IM GONNA FIND LIN MANUEL MIRANDA AND PUNCH HIM

**JoJo:** IM SOBBIGN SO MUCH

**Nerd:** i CAN noT DEAL WITH HTIS!!!

**JoJo:** I HAVE TO GO TO WORK NOW!!!

**Masters:** IM GOING TO GO SOB IN MY ROOM

**Nerd:** IM GONNA GET MYSELF SOME NOODLES

**Nerd:** ODONT WORRY ABOTU PAYING THE WATER BILL JO, ILL JUST SOB INTO A BUCKET WE CAN USE THAT

**BigMoose:** damb wtf is going on

**Cassie:** its the Miranda Effect

**BigMoose:** I’m, ordering chinese food now

**Cassie:** I’m enjoying watching others in pain

**Nerd has changed the group name to “FUCK YOU CASTIEL NOVAK!”**

**Cassie:** no thanks

**Nerd:** B I T C H 

**TheBestNovak:** dean defend your boyfriend

**BigMoose:** he walked himself into this mess, he can walk himself out

**LittleMoose:** mOM SAYS THATS RUDE!!!

**BigMoose:** god dam stop telling everything I say to mom

**TheBestNovak:** I’m going to sleep now

**BigMoose:** it’s two in the afternoon?

**TheBestNovak:** Im Going To Sleep Now

**TheBestNovak:** Ive Had A Busy Day

**BigMoose:** goodnight gabriel

**Cassie:** Is it safe? Are they gone?

**Masters:** NO!!

**Cassie:** bye for now friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehe  
> I promise that I have been trying to find a way to do this, like I wasn't queerbaiting, or rather I wasn't trying to. I literally, Destiel was always endgame (I mean, this thing isn't ending soon tho) I've been meaning for it to happen and it almost happened in chapter 10 I think but then I was like wow I hate how this chapter sounds and deleted the entire thing including the Big Reveal.   
> Or whatever chapter that included Dean's hand breaking or whatever, initially Cas got hurt and then was high off of painkillers (which would be unlikely given the injury I gave him) and then he like confessed I think. But then the whole first part felt weird.  
> Anyway, I think I completely forgot to mention Cas' injury from the previous chapter whoops. Hope yall enjoyed this bc I finally got it out so I can write some fluff one-shots :-)
> 
> Also, chapters are not gonna be long now that school is going on, I know I was getting up to like 10-12 pages but now they're gonna be shorter so I can actually get chapters out. 
> 
> As A Side Note: (wow this authors note is long) I love Usnavi, but like the thing is like Lin's voice in ITH is one of those voices that I'm always like "Yeah I bet Usnavi was only cool with his friends but not cool in the whole school" i mean I'm charlie tho he's the coolest kid in my h ea r t, lov him. Come talk to me about ITH, k bye


	18. Just Let Them Be Bi In Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup, they them boys

**FUCK YOU CASTIEL NOVAK!**

**Cassie:** So, 

**Nerd:** Bitch.

**TheBestNovak:** damb my boi Cas can’t even get One (1) word out b4 you attack him

**Masters:** What’s with the spelling in your text like jesus christ what are you trying to say???

**TheBestNovak:** D A M B MY BOI CAS CANT EVEN GET O N E (1) WORD OUT B 4 YOU ATTACK H I M

**BigMoose:** Everyone just ignore Gabriel

**LittleMoose has removed TheBestNovak from the conversation**

**BigMoose:** I SAID IGNORE. I G N O R E. 

**LittleMoose:** but then he was gonna be super annoying so I just got rid of the problem instead

**Masters:** Dean and Cas where u at

**BigMoose:** none of your business

**Cassie:** leave us alone

**JoJo:** just let them be gay in peace

**BigMoose:** *bi

**Cassie:** *bi

**JoJo:** let them be bi in peace

**JoJo:** anway,

**Nerd:** come sob with me plea se I’m still shook

**Nerd:** aLABAAAANZAAAAAAA 

**JoJo:** I’m at work, which you would have realized if you weren’t sobbing so loud

**Masters:** yeah seriously man I’m trying to sleep still but your sobbing ass woke me up

**Nerd:** IM SORRY THAT I HAVE FEELINGS!!

**BigMoose:** jfc

**LittleMoose:** okay, again, anyway

**BigMoose:** cas dont go

**JoJo:** where he going

**Cassie:** I just left two seconds ago 

**BigMoose:** dont go

**LittleMoose:** Dean your needy af

**Cassie:** I have things to do Dean I’ll be back

**Masters:** well now we know who’s the needy one in this relationship

**BigMoose:** actually its cas bc he fell

**JoJo:** holy fuck AGAIN?

**Cassie:** I haven’t…. Figured out the crutches yet

**Nerd:** your such a mess

**LittleMoose:** question:

**Cassie:** possible answer

**LittleMoose:** who asked out who?

**BigMoose:** Um,

**Cassie:** Yeah. 

**LittleMoose:** who??? Was Dean too much of a whimp????

**Cassie:** anyway

**Masters:** ???

**JoJo:** Anyway, Charlie needs to get a job

**Nerd:** fUCK OFF!!!!

* * *

**TheBestNovak >>>> Cassie**

**TheBestNovak:** Let me back in please

**Cassie has deleted this conversation**

* * *

 

**FUCK YOU CASTIEL NOVAK!**

**Cassie:** can we add Gabe back to the conversation now

**BigMoose:** I don’t really care so

**LittleMoose:** NO!

**Cassie:** Okay, but, you tell him.

* * *

 

**Novak Family Meeting™**

**TheBestNovak:** HEY GUYS 

**Michael:** Hello, Gabriel.

**Cassie:** ???

**Lucy:** I don’t care what it is, No.

**TheBestNovak:** ALL I WANT IS TO GET BACK INTO MY GROUP CHAT BUT SAM KICKED ME OUT

**TheBestNovak:** SO CASSIE,,,, LET ME BACK IN OR IM GONNA TELL

**Cassie:** tell them what?

**TheBestNovak:** TELL THEM WHAT WE FOUND OUT YESTERDAY!

**Cassie:** That me and Dean are dating?

**Lucy:** I forgot that Gabe didn’t know that

**TheBestNovak:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**Michael:** Watch your language

**Cassie:** Yeah, so,

**Michael:** And nobody likes you Gabe that’s why you didn’t know

**TheBestNovak:** IM SO ANGRY

**TheBestNovak:** DO ANNA AND SAMANDRIEL KNOW???

**Cassie:** Originally no but they found out

**Cassie:** they’re just really nosey 

**banANNA:** and cas forgot to lock the door

**TheBestNovak:** wHY DID YOU HAVE TO LOCK THE DOOR

**Cassie:** so that you wouldnt walk in on me and dean cuddling

**TheBestNovak:** “”cuddling”” is that what they’re calling it these days???

**Cassie:** We were only cuddling Gabe

**TheBestNovak:** i fIND THAT IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE

**Lucy:** oh my god Gabe give it up please

**banANNA:** yeah exactly I don’t wanna hear you speculating about Cas and Dean’s sex life

**Driel:** I… I don’t wanna read… 

**Cassie:** stop scarring our siblings Gabe

**Cassie:** me and Dean just cuddle

**TheBestNovak:** F A K E 

**Cassie:** ??? Relationships can exist without sex Gabe

**Cassie:** I know it’s hard for you to separate the two, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true

**TheBestNovak has added BigMoose to the conversation**

**Michael:** …. Please dont

**BigMoose:** ???

**TheBestNovak:** HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH MY BROTHER

**Driel:** I’m leaving right now

**Lucy:** shield your eyes Samandriel

**BigMoose:** Um

**TheBestNovak:** HA! 

**Cassie:** ??? 

**Cassie:** GABRIEL! Stop being so annoying!

**BigMoose:** Usually we just hang out tho

**Cassie:** Cuddle

**BigMoose:** I don’t like that word 

**Cassie:** We cuddle.

**banANNA:** k cool so I’m gonna go jump off a cliff

**Driel:** that was more than I wanted to know about Cas

**Cassie:** GABRIEL! YOU ARE SCARRING ANNA AND SAMANDRIEL!

**TheBestNovak:** LET ME BACK INTO THE GROUP CHAT!

**Cassie:** NO YOU CHILD

**BigMoose:** Can I… leave now

**Michael:** Yes, please do, I’ve read quite enough

**Lucy:** fuck Cas you’re still like EIGHT

**Cassie:** I’m eighteen!!

**BigMoose has left the conversation**

* * *

 

**FUCK YOU, CASTIEL NOVAK!**

**BigMoose:** I’m scarred for life

**Masters:** ???

**BigMoose:** K Cas is busy fighting his fam rn 

**BigMoose:** and they like, dragged me into it,

**BigMoose:** and,,, I,,,

**LittleMoose:** Driel just called me and said he and Anna are coming over randomly does that have anything to do with it

**BigMoose:** Gabe was questioning Cas about our sex life in front of them they’re a little scarred rn please be nice to them

**LittleMoose:** fuck man I didn’t need to know what exactly went down

**Nerd:** wtf @ gabe

**Nerd:** Can I bring him back?

**Cassie:** If you bring Gabe back I’m leaving

**Nerd:** shit okay

**JoJo:** guys, what ??? the ??? hecky ???

**JoJo:** this is escalating way too fast for me

**Cassie:** I’m sorry Dean, 

**BigMoose:** its cool, come here

**Cassie:** are we going to cuddle because thats all I want

**BigMoose:** I still hate that word

**Nerd:** jesus fucking christ Dean stop with this stupid shit 

**BigMoose:** fuck you at least I have a boyfriend

**Nerd:** Thats cool keep him bc I want a girlfriend

**BigMoose:** at least I have a fucking s/o bitch

**Nerd:** thats more LIKE IT now come FITE me

**Nerd:** CATCH THESE HANDS BIH

**Cassie:** his hands are full right now he has to hold me

**BigMoose:** dont worry tomorrow we can fight

**Nerd:** k but it has to be after four bc that’s my last class for the day

**BigMoose:** k cool

**JoJo:** anyway,

**LittleMoose:** I’m ded Anna and Driel showed up and the first thing they do is grab popcorn and tell me we’re “fucking watching goddamn paw patrol” why are my friends like this

**Masters:** silly Sam, they’re not your friends, they’re your brother’s friend’s little siblings 

**LittleMoose:** and my friends

**Masters:** Sure, keep telling yourself that

**LittleMoose:** I just got told my phone will go into the toilet if I don’t put it away, Cas your little sister is scary, bye.

**Cassie:** thanks, she reminds me of Meg sometimes

**Masters:** omg  <3 I love anna

**Cassie:** please don’t go near her

**Masters:** Okay fuck you I do what I want

**Cassie:** oh boy

**BigMoose:** okay Gabe has started bothering me can we let him back again

**Cassie:** If you do I’m never touching you again

**BigMoose:** Cas… please… 

**Cassie:** Fine. 

**BigMoose has added TheBestNovak to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** FINALLY

**TheBestNovak:** hOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BF BETRAYING YOU LIKE THAT CASSIE

**Cassie:** I told him he could

**TheBestNovak:** Wow u whipped Dean

**BigMoose:** Okay you know what I let you back in so ??? I don’t think you should be mean to me

**JoJo:** This entire day has been wasted over the dumbest thing I hate you guys

**TheBestNovak:** Don’t hate me cause you aint me sweaty :) 

**JoJo:** Okay you know what?

**JoJo has removed TheBestNovak to the conversation**

**Masters:** damn okay, well im going back to sleep

**Nerd:** It’s three in the afternoon

**Masters:** Yeah, I know,

**Nerd:** Okay… Bye….

**BigMoose:** Cas come cuddle

**Cassie:** I’m picking up our food calm down

**Charlie:** this is going nowhere bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finishing this chapter up instead of working on my DBQ prep so yall,,,   
> Anyway this ended awkward sorry my friends   
> My friend is yelling at me over facetime to get working so sorry guys BUHBYE!!!!


	19. It's History Time Kids™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, if you hate history, don't read this???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be a very long endnote just warning yall know bc of the historical shit and I really love History (incase you didn't notice Castiel's historical/musical side is literally just me writing myself into his character no joke)  
> So here's my note:   
> Hope you guys love this chapter! It's short sorry but I literally didn't do anything exciting all weekend and I haven't interacted with people at all so like my social skills have left me and this was the best I could do for writing.   
> Thanks! Please leave a comment (kudos are wonderful but I really do love comments a hell of a lot more, even if its just you screaming about random lines!!!)   
> Now. Back to Sweeney Todd...

******Nerd has changed the conversation name to “Fuckin’ Why??”**

**Nerd:** Hey everyone

**LittleMoose:** what why?

**Nerd:** I dunno, it fits

**BigMoose:** not really but whatever

**Nerd:** don’t talk to me ugly

**BigMoose:** I’m, insulted.

**BigMoose:** anyway, I lost my comfortable sweatshirt and I’m very sad. 

**JoJo:** ask Cas where it is

**BigMoose:** I did he said he doesn’t know

**Masters:** you sure about that?

**BigMoose:** … yes

**Nerd:** Lmao he lyin

**Cassie:** No I’m not. 

**LittleMoose:** HES LYING DEAN 

**Cassie:** No, I’m not.

**LittleMoose has added TheBestNovak to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** IM BACK

**LittleMoose has sent a photo**

**LittleMoose:** Is Cas lying?

**TheBestNovak:** CAS IS LYING

**TheBestNovak:** he has your sweatshirt Dean he steals clothes all the fucking time I’m still missing my christmas socks that dad got me three years ago

**Cassie:** I don’t have those!

**Cassie:** and if you miss them so much go buy new ones

**TheBestNovak:** No, because I want the one dad gave to me

**Cassie:** just the one? Just one sock? 

**TheBestNovak:** That’s it I’m coming over and I’m kicking your sarcastic ass 

**Nerd:** who knew that coming to New York would make Cas more sarcastic and “fight-me” ish

**BigMoose:** I know right? It’s great

**Master:** nobody needed to know you get a boner over Cas being angry Dean

**BigMoose:** I LITERALLY DID NOT MENTION MY DICK O N C E IN THAT TEXT WHAT ATHE FUCK AYRE YOU DTALKIN G ABUT

**LittleMoose:** wow I have never wanted to die more in my life than right now

**JoJo:** cmon dean we dont need to know your kinks

**Nerd:** Cmon dean

**Cassie:** Dean, 

**BigMoose:** that isn’t one of my kinks lmao

**BigMoose:** I meant

**LittleMoose:** lmao jk I wanna die right fucking now please God strike me down right Here right Now pls and thank

**BigMoose:** I DONT HAVE ANY, ANY KINKS.

**TheBestNovak:** Lmao Liar

**Cassie:** Fuck you!

**BigMoose:** CAS!

**Cassie:** It’s mine now Dean say goodbye

**BigMoose:** awe but I’m cold

**Cassie:** then come over

**BigMoose:** fine, I’ll bring food

**TheBestNovak:** MY FEET ARE COLD 

**Cassie:** suck it up buttercup

**Masters:** New York has changed you, Cas.

**Cassie:** I know.

**LittleMoose:** lmao anyone wanna help me fling myself off of a cliff??

**BigMoose:** be right there

**LittleMoose:** Stay Away From Me You Sinner

**BigMoose:** ?? You’re an atheist Samuel? 

**LittleMoose:** s i n n e r

**Masters:** Samuel

**Nerd:** Okay I’m just gonna, leave, now.

* * *

 

**BigMoose:** Lmao I love being covered in rootbeer that my boyfriend spit all over me

**Nerd:** SO YOU ADMIT HES YOUR BOYFRIEND NOT YOUR MANFRIEND

**Cassie:** that came out of my nose and I’m in pain please help me

**Masters:** what the fuck

**Masters:** is happening

**TheBestNovak:** I??? Dont know????

**Cassie:** I was scrolling through the Hell Site and drinking my rootbeer peacefully when I saw the words “pornographic biography written about Aaron Burr” and, well, Dean was right in front of me to me

**BigMoose:** He made me have a heart attack I thought he was dying

**Nerd:** IM DYING L M A O

**JoJo:** Amazing. 

**LittleMoose:** who writes porn about a old dead dude

**Cassie:** an old dead dude who looks like an egg**

**Cassie:** and someone anonymously wrote and published it in 1861 

**TheBestNovak:** you need a life

**Cassie:** I need a new nose

**TheBestNovak:** that too

**Cassie:** I’m in tears

**BigMoose:** he’s not even lying tho he’s actually crying I think???

**Nerd:** why ?

**Cassie:** I don’t know if these tears are because of the rootbeer or because someone was actually turned on by Aaron Egghead Burr

**TheBestNovak:** little bit of both?

**Cassie:** yeah I’ll go with that

**Nerd:** CAS! NAME A VERY RANDOM AND UNKNOWN HISTORICAL FACT

**Cassie:** Shit um

**BigMoose:** Good now he’s panicking nice one asshat

**Cassie:** Alexander Hamilton Jr. once tried to duel John Quincy Adams and wrote about it in a newspaper or smthn but then his younger brother John Church Hamilton went to JQ and was like “Please… don’t kill my brother….” so there was no duel

**Nerd:** oh mY GOD THE HAMILTONS HAD A JUNIOR

**Masters:** Exactly how many kids did they have Cas

**Cassie:** Eight, 

**JoJo:** My uterus is crying for Eliza Hamilton

**Masters:** fuck man

**Nerd:** who would do that to themselves

**Cassie:** Well JC Hamilton had like fourteen children

**Masters:** Why the fuck…

**BigMoose:** You guys started this, the facts are gonna keep flowing

**Masters:** you know what Dean Winchester shut the fuck up and let your better half talk about something he’s passionate about asshat

**TheBestNovak:** I’m just gonna leave

**Nerd:** KEEP EM COMING CAS WHAT ELSE YOU GOT

**Cassie:** Oh my god okay so, like, apparently there was bad blood between the Hamilton boys because soon after Alexander Hamilton died his son, Junior, tried to like skip town but then he came back because of Eliza I think? But John Church threw some serious shade in his biography

**Masters:** Gimmie the deets

**JoJo:** I love this we’re gossiping about dead people

**Nerd:** This is fun holy fuck

**Cassie:** OKAY OKAY OKAY and so also when Eliza was like 81 years old I think she went to go visit like Philip 2 or somethin but instead of taking the path to his house she just started climbing over this fuckin fence because it was shorter to go that way

**JoJo:** bad ass

**Masters:** Okay okay okay wait, Philip 2?

**Cassie:** Oh, about three months after Philip died I think? Eliza had their eighth and final child and they named him Philip

**JoJo:** “I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost” my ass

**Nerd:** thats the musical Jo they didn’t even mention any other kid other than Philip

**Masters:** daMN IF THEY MENTIONED EVERY KID I THINK THE PLAY WOULD BE TWO DAYS LONG

**Cassie:** I’d be fine with that

**Cassie:** Any other questions?

**Nerd:** most embarrassing moment in your opinion?

**Cassie:** For ???

**Nerd:** Alexander Hamilton

**Cassie:** uh, I’d say the reynolds pamphlets but I don’t think he was as embarrassed about that as he should have been. Maybe like, during the battle of Yorktown he was arguing with Henry Knox about how it’s unsoldier-like to flinch and then a soldier shouted “a shell” and Hamilton grabbed on to Knox like a koala

**Masters:** Oh my god look it’s me and Charlie

**Nerd:** fuck you

**JoJo:** What’s the shittiest thing Hamilton has done, besides the Reynolds Pamphlets?

**Cassie:** Idk, I think he rented slaves a few times for parties and such that’s pretty shitty.

* * *

 

**BigMoose >>> Nerd**

**BigMoose:** He’s literally smiling down at his phone so much

**Nerd:** Is it cute

**BigMoose:** it’s adorable

**Nerd:** your such a geek 

**Nerd:** and your gross

**Nerd:** also your welcome for making your boo happy 

**BigMoose:** you’re**

**Nerd:** dont make me come over there

**BigMoose:** sorry

* * *

 

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**Masters:** Okay okay okay, now, your favorite moment in history

**Cassie:** At the moment I can’t stop laughing about the time Alex and Eliza caught yellow fever and Jefferson was so petty he claimed that Alex was a hypochondriac and was faking it or something

**Nerd:** OMFG MEG DID THE SAME HTING TO ME LAST WEEK MEG YOUAG DBLHJGJHGBS

**Masters:** Bitch you sneezed ONCE and claimed you were fucking dying 

**JoJo:** no no no shut up now if you throw food I’m definitely not cleaning it up I s2g

**Cassie:** JUST KIDDING I love the time that John Adams said that Hamilton didn’t get laid enough so he was too full of jizz to think right. 

**Nerd:** lMAO THATS GABRIEL

**TheBestNovak:** wtf don’t @ me like this

**BigMoose:** Gabriel Novak: Exposed

**TheBestNovak:** yeah well Dean Winchester is always so full of fucking jizz that he can’t even think straight

**BigMoose:** ??? Where were you going with that I’m not straight?

**TheBestNovak:** Yeah I know I wasted all my energy on jokes about my roommate earlier

**BigMoose:** Disappointment

**Cassie:** I just, I really love history.

**BigMoose:** We know Cas trust me

**TheBestNovak:** And we tolerate you anyway

**Masters:** fuck you Gabe, 

**JoJo:** WE LOVE YOU AND YOUR WEIRD HISTORY NERD FACTS

**Nerd:** wanna come over and listen to a new musical?

**BigMoose:** Can I come

**Cassie:** It’s time to introduce you all to Rent.

**TheBestNovak:** Oh boy, I’m coming over for this one

**Nerd:** is this gonna make me cry?

**Cassie:** No it’s super funny don’t worry

**Nerd:** Good, come on over!!!

**BigMoose:** We’re on our way with take out leftovers

**Masters:** woo!! I’ll eat them all

**JoJo:** I?? Just made you food?? You bitch??

**TheBestNovak:** I’ll eat them I didn’t eat anything today

**Nerd:** That’s not good idiot.

**JoJo:** Just stop texting and get over here

* * *

****LittleMoose:** Wow, you leave to get mac n cheese, and everyone has a ton of fun and then just leaves you. Insulting.   **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on the facts:  
> -Yes, there is a porno written about Aaron Burr and yes he does look like an egg, when I wrote that part I literally was scrolling thru the hell site and that showed up and then two minutes later I was writing my scarring moment in life into this fic.   
> Then I decided to just keep writing historical facts because I didn't know what else to write, so here's notes about the rest of the facts:  
> \- I'm about 99% sure that it was Jr. Hamilton who tried to duel JQ Adams, though I can be wrong on one or both of who were involved. I'm also 99.99% sure it was JC Hamilton who stopped the duel by literally showing up and asking JQ to not duel his bro (It had been like years after their father and brother died so it was kinda like "ples we already lost two hamiltons to dumb duels this duel would be really dumb) But I also read that fact like a month ago so details are ehhhh  
> \- I'm sure yall know that Eliza gave birth to 8 children. Funfact she also had one miscarriage (which made Hamilton quite as Treasury Secretary I think during Washington? so all those who think he didn't care about his fam can suck it) But also, JC Hamilton had literally nothing going for him he married really rich and then just kept screwing her to pop out like 14 children (I think for Eliza who was from a huge Dutch family his only redeeming factor was that he kept having kids with his wife lma o)   
> \- There was bad blood involving Jr. and the other brothers because I'm pretty sure he did try to skip out on the family, probably because he was the second son and after Philip died was supposed to be like the Older Brother and then their father died so he was the Oldest Man in the family and-well, yall can research at your will cause there's too much to explain here and I can't find sources anymore   
> \- Yes, Eliza Fucking Hamilton at 81 years old was like "Fuck this road, I'm climbing this damn fence" there's a whole account of it and everything in the Ron Chernow bio (altho fair warning, i haven't checked the source yet and Chernow has been known apparently to have shitty sources so it could be wrong but I like to think that she did this lmao)  
> \- Philip 2, yes, there were many Philips in the Schuyler family. (Philip Schuyler Sr., Philip Schuyler Jr., Philip Church (Angelica's son), Philip Hamilton 1, Philip Hamilton 2, p sure Kitty and Peggy (the two other Schuyler sisters) had Philips too but not sure?? The other Schuyler boys may have had Philips too... Imagine the family dinners yall)  
> \- The yorktown story is true. Washington told the soldiers if they saw a shell to yell out "a shell" so that everyone could run for cover and Hamilton was all "That's unsoldierlike and WEAK, get outta here with this weak shit amirite Knox?" and Knox was like "well I mean, it makes sense to yell that out tho," and then a shell appeared, soldiers yelled "a shell", and Hamilton literally hid behind Knox and then afterwards Knox was all sassy and like "So, flinching is unsoldierlike huh bitch? Don't use me as a shield again." Very entertaining.  
> \- I saw somewhere that he hired slaves during parties. I wouldn't be terribly surprised if he did.   
> \- The Yellow fever thing is true, Jefferson was a petty bitch.   
> \- The Adams thing was true too, and there was an Adams and Hamilton feud so bad that well, the Jr. and JQ thing almost happened, and John Adams grandson wrote a history of the US and took Hamilton out of it wherever he could and where he did include Hamilton he made Hamilton seem like the worst person ever to exist. Talk about petty. 
> 
> As for sources, I literally know all of this because of the tumblrs runawayforthesummer.tumblr.com and publius-esquire.tumblr.com (I hope I got those right???) Like I stalk them every now and then so that's why I know these facts ^^^


	20. Chuck Has Plans Guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Novaks find out that their father has some new plans
> 
> (fair warning I wrote this in an hour ish and didn't look over so????)

**Novak Family Meeting™**

**LuckyLuci:** we need to talk

**banANNA:** why

**TheBestNovak:** I have class in ten minutes make it quick

**LuckyLuci:** Okay.. I have no idea how to put this so… Dad wants to adopt another kid

**Driel:** what why

**banANNA:** FUCK WHAT???

**Michael:** What.

**LuckyLuci:** I just got off the phone with him and he was talking about how like he’s not really needed at his job very often except for some meetings and shit 

**LuckyLuci:** he sounded really sad cause like, anna and samandriel dont need him often

**banANNA:** wHAT???

**banANNA:** hes LYING DRIEL ASKS FOR HELP ON HIS HOMEWORK EVERYDAY!!!

**Driel:** And you ask him to drive you around all the time

**banANNA:** EXACTLY!!

**TheBestNovak:** I… I really do Not want to deal with this actually

**banANNA:** where is my favorite fucking brother why is he not here

**TheBestNovak:** His class ends in ten minutes calm the fuck down 

**banANNA:** I CANT IM ALREADY SEEING THE DIAPERS ILL HAVE TO CHANGE

**TheBestNovak:** if its a boy, just remember that if you change his diaper you gotta fuckin watch out when you take his diaper off

**banANNA:** ???

**Driel:** why?

**LuckyLuci:** I swear to Fucking God Gabriel Novak if you say one more God Damn word.

**Michael:** Shut up Gabriel

**Driel:** I wanna know though

**banANNA:** me too :(

**TheBestNovak:** fine FINE

**banANNA:** sigh

* * *

 

**banANNA >>>> Cassie**

**banANNA:** HEY WHEN YOU GET OUTTA CLASS TELL ME ABOUT HTE STORY GABEY ALMOST TOLD US IN OUR FAM CHAT

**banANNA:** ALSO FUCK YOU FOR BEING IN CLASS DURING THIS TIME OF NEED????

* * *

**Novak Family Meeting™**

**LuckyLuci:** anyway,,,,, do we like tell dad No?

**TheBestNovak:** the fuck >?? Hes a nice goddamn person I’m not telling him no.

**Michael:** I will tell him no

**banANNA:** makes sense that Mikey will

**Michael:** don’t call me that

**Michael:** and what is that supposed to mean?

**banANNA:** It means you’re soulless enough to tell dad no, mikey

**LuckyLuci:** Okay she has a point

**Michael:** you know what,

**Michael:** I don’t need you Lucifer

**LuckyLuci:** Hey fun fact that chick that left this morning? Said you were boring and she faked it

**Driel:** faked what

**TheBestNovak:** FUCK

**banANNA:** sh Driel

**Michael:** LUCIFER

**Cassie:** What the fuck?

**banANNA:** CAS!

**TheBestNovak:** I must go my prof walked in 

**Driel:** What. 

**Cassie:** I’m not telling dad no.

**banANNA:** I’m gonna bring it up with him when he comes home

**Driel:** what.

**banANNA:** Driel we’re gonna stage an intervention

**Michael:** no you’re not

**banANNA:** you can’t tell us what to do bitch you are in New York

**Driel:** I,

**Cassie:** what is going on

**LuckyLuci:** fuck man.

**LuckyLuci:** I mean shit sorr.

**Cassie:** god this family is a mess 

**banANNA:** I KNOW

**Driel:** can everyone please stop with the no cursing around me thing???? Does it help if I say fuck off???

**banANNA:** -le gasp-

**Michael:** SAMANDRIEL NOVAK

**LuckyLuci:** wow Gabe’s gonna be sad he missed this

**Cassie:** yeah we’ll stop

**Michael:** CASTIEL!

**Cassie:** I’m tired of it. 

**banANNA:** the big peach changed you Cassie

**Cassie:** don’t call me that

**Michael:** peach?

**banANNA:** I meant apple

**banANNA:** I was thinking of that movie

**banANNA:** anyway,

**LuckyLuci:** what are we doing if dad gets another child

**LuckyLuci:** we haven’t had anyone new since Samandriel. 

**Driel:** I’ve never experienced anyone New.

**Cassie:** It was a big occasion one time Gabriel tried to make a cake

**banANNA:** that was with Samandriel

**banANNA:** we probably still have pictures of you eating it Driel I’ll show you later it was pretty entertaining bc you realized halfway thru that it was really bad cake

**Driel:** oh good

**LuckyLuci:** when we adopted you Cas me and Michael managed to be nice the whole day

**Cassie:** I remember that.

**Cassie:** I remember when I woke up to screaming I thought I was gonna die.

**LuckyLuci:** good times

**Michael:** Oh yeah. I remember that. 

**Michael:** remember that one time you slept with me Cas?

**Cassie:** no I don’t 

**Michael:** yeah you do don’t lie

**Cassie:** Okay I know exactly the time you’re talking about and listen here buddy if you talk about it I’m going to take a train to your apartment and kick you 

**LuckyLuci:** hoLY FUCK!!!! Please do it anyway

**Michael:** aren’t you supposed to be in a class Lucifer.

**LuckyLuci:** yes but this is more interesting

**banANNA:** WE KEEP GETTING OFF TOPIC

**banANNA:** I WANT HIM TO ADOPT ANOTHER GIRL BECAUSE I AM !!! LONELY!!!!

**Michael:** what are you talking about you have Samandriel

**Driel:** I feel ignored

**banANNA:** I need another female to talk to

**Michael:** You do know that if he adopts another kid, the kid will probably be like 4 right?

**banANNA:** just crush all my dreams why don’t you

**Cassie:** Okay well, while you all argue, I’m gonna leave.

* * *

**Cassie >>>> banANNA**

**Cassie:** one time when Samandriel was still in diapers, you and dad went out for whatever I don’t remember. The point is that Michael and Lucifer convinced our babysitter of the time that they knew how to change a diaper, and baby boys when their diaper is taken off for some reason they sometimes pee after and well Samandriel did and it landed in Lucifer’s eye and on the floor and Michael slipped in it

**banANNA:** HOLY FU VCK 

**banANNA:** oH MY GOD !!!!

**banANNA:** i can tBE LIEVE !!!!!!!

**Cassie:** If you tell either of them that I told you I will murder you

**Cassie:** and before you ask, it was hilarious. They got into an argument of whose fault it was while the babysitter cleaned up the floor and put them in the bath. 

**banANNA:** I GOT CHU BRO I WONT SAY A PEEP

**banANNA:** iM DEAD  

* * *

**“Fuckin’ Why??”**

**Cassie:** hey fun fact: dad wants to adopt again

**Masters:** Lmao good luck

**BigMoose:** I’m with Cas right now and boy, the conversation in their family group chat and it’s pretty funny

**Nerd:** Castiel please share with us

**Cassie:** it’s nothing much really, just arguing about who will say no to him and if we will say no

**BigMoose:** also fun stories from their childhood

**Cassie:** only like one

**BigMoose:** one really funny story about miacvrgjkldsgfdhgfjg

**Cassie:** Dean’s not allowed to have his phone anymore

**Cassie:** He’s pouting

**Cassie has sent a photo**

**Nerd:** we get it you think he’s adorable

**Nerd:** but pls spill the beans on these childhood memories

**Cassie:** when they adopted me the whole day Michael and Lucifer were nice to each other and didn’t argue once.

**Cassie:** and then the next morning I woke up to screaming

**Masters:** LMAO What were they screaming about?

**Cassie:** If I remember correctly, Lucifer dumped a cup of ice cold water on Michael to wake him up

**Cassie:** but that could have been a few weeks later

**Nerd:** do your bros ever chill

**Cassie:** I just told you, yeah, once, when I first came to the house

**Nerd:** oh my god

**Cassie:** Okay I’m gonna give Dean his phone back, I’m trusting that he won’t say anything

**BigMoose:** I promise

**Nerd:** Dean please,,,, I wanna know,,,,, what were you gonna say,,,,,

**BigMoose:** nothing.

**Masters:** wow someones WHIPPED

**BigMoose:** It’s called a trusting relationship, but I wouldn’t expect you to know what that is

**Masters:** guess what I’m coming over to whoop your ass mister

**BigMoose:** that’s kinky.

**LittleMoose:** Literally what did I just walk into

**LittleMoose:** I only vacuumed for ten minutes

**BigMoose:** unfortunately i have a boyfriend unlike you and I love him and dont wanna cheat on him

**Masters:** Ooooooo wow you’re so GOOD AT COMEBACKS

**BigMoose:** Snap chicka bop

**JoJo:** ????

**BigMoose:** I don’t know don’t bring it up again

**LittleMoose:** tag urself I’m “snap chicka bop”

**Nerd:** I’m “I don’t know don’t bring it up again”

**BigMoose:** I’m coming to beat you up

**Masters:** I’m “that’s kinky”

**JoJo:** I’m “I only vaccumed for ten minutes”

**Cassie:** I’m tired bye

**BigMoose:** He’s had a big day guys, so I’m gonna go too and watch The Office with him

**Masters:** “watch the office” oh is that what they’re calling it nowadays?

**BigMoose has sent an** [ **image** ](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/7a/30/d5/7a30d54a0395c4f40dacbd4c6c932cec.jpg)

**Masters:** oooo so edgyyyyy

**BigMoose:** nobody needs you bye

**Nerd:** I need you meg

**Masters:** you just want me because I’m warm

**Nerd:** yes you are a space heater and I’m cold as fuck please come cuddle and binge watch something with me

**JoJo:** I’m coming home from work so make room bitches because I’m tired and need cuddles

**Nerd:** okay but get here quick my other side is cold

**JoJo:** Put meg in the middle you hog!!!

**Nerd:** No!!!!

**Masters:** I’m going in the middle

**Nerd:** fujkc  

* * *

**Nerd >>>> BigMoose**

**Nerd:** so,,, about that story

**BigMoose:** No. 

**Nerd:** fuvk

**BigMoose has deleted the conversation**

* * *

**“Fuckin’ Why??”**

**TheBestNovak:** IM “wow someones WHIPPED”

**TheBestNovak:** fuck yall are gone aren’t you

**TheBestNovak:** Sigh.

**TheBestNovak:** why doesn’t anyone wait for me to have fun

**TheBestNovak:** sigh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg I have done nothing all break and I wanted to get writing done and then in a car ride I got the idea for "Guys guess what dad wants another kid"  
> I just imagine Chuck adopting kids like the lonely widowed woman adopting cats. He just has a lot of love to give guys, and Driel and Anna don't want it anymore.   
> (Also I'm not certain that a single parent could adopt one child let alone the amount that Chuck adopted? But, my mom said in some areas single parents can probably adopt children so lets pretend that Chuck lives in a really liberal place lmao)  
> And that thing with baby boys is true. It's never happened to me (the closest that's happened is that once when my aunt and uncle got a new puppy a few years ago he rolled over and got way too excited and... well... lets just say I fucking feel Lucifer's pain) I'm pretty sure that Jared talked about it in a panel. (I have a feeling he talked about that at Torcon 2016???)  
> SO I hope you guys found this funny bc I wrote it really fast because I was like "ITS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I UPDATED!!!!!!" tag urselves in the comments guys bc I brought that back again


	21. OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHIRST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nevermind: something you say when you no longer want people to pay attention to whatever you previously said or asked

**Novak Family Meeting™**

**Cassie:** I just got off the phone with dad

**banANNA:** I wanna know what you talked about cause he hasn’t said jack shit to me and driel

**TheBestNovak:** How’d it go?

**Cassie:** He’s pretty convinced he wants to adopt again

**LuckyLuci:** Shit man !!

**LuckyLuci:** I mean, it’s gonna take up to six months tho right? Because like, they got paperwork and visits right???

**LuckyLuci:** So maybe halfway thru a toddler throwing food at him he’ll remember he loves us and just… not adopt again

**Michael:** Eh, just let him go through with it

**Cassie:** Yeah that’s what I was gonna do

**TheBestNovak:** We can’t really…. Control him….

**banANNA:** wtf I don’t wanna start living with another little kid

**banANNA:** Driel’s enough to deal with

**Driel:** Deal with???

**TheBestNovak:** I smell a roasting coming give it to us bro

**Driel:** if anything I have to deal with YOU

**Driel:** You come in to my room CONSTANTLY and ask me to braid your hair!!!

**banANNA:** You’re good at braiding!

**Driel:** and you ALWAYS forget to feed your turtle!

**banANNA:** No I don’t???

**banANNA:** YOU OVERFEED HIM

**Driel:** I LOVE HIM

**Driel:** UNLIKE S O M E O N E IN THIS HOUSE

**banANNA:** ACA-SCUSE ME??????? WANNA COME SAY THIS TO MY FACE/??????

**Driel:** YEAH WHERE ARE YOU????????

**banANNA:** MY ROOM SQUARE UP BOI

**Cassie:** Oh boy,

**Michael:** anyway,

**Michael:** I think we should just support dad

**Cassie:** yeah I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t have the money to care for kids

**LuckyLuci:** Okay but where tf are we gonna sleep when we come home

**Michael:** We have an apartment Lucifer, so, we won’t be down there that long.

**LuckyLuci:** I am Not giving up my room. 

**Cassie:** We have a couple more spare rooms calm down

**TheBestNovak:** clam dwon

**Michael:** what?

**Cassie:** ah, yes, my apologies. Clam dwon Lucifer

**LuckyLuci:** I… what’s the joke

**banANNA:** it’s probably an inside joke we’re not gonna understand so

**Driel:** Awe. 

**TheBestNovak:** yeah fuck off its our inside joke

**LuckyLuci:** anyway

**Cassie:** I’m leaving now, goodbye.

**TheBestNovak:** fuck okay then

**Michael:** Please stop saying the f word so often.

**TheBestNovak:** hey michael guess what

**Michael:** Please, don’t

**TheBestNovak:** Fuck. 

**LuckyLuci:** I mean Samandriel’s already said it at this point why not say fuck as much as we want

**Michael:** god you are all children.

**TheBestNovak:** FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

**banANNA:** FUCK!!!!!!!

**Driel:** … fuck?

**Michael:** No, no, no. Samandriel stop it. 

**Driel:** Don’t tell me what to do Michael Novak

**LuckyLuci:** FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

**TheBestNovak has removed Michael from the conversation**

**Cassie:** Good job Gabriel

**LuckyLuci:** awe. no fight.

**Cassie:** Anyway, got a date, bye

**TheBestNovak:** WAIT WHAT??? CASSIE!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** USE PROTECTION!!!!!

**banANNA:** Information about my Favorite brother I did not need to know: his sex life

**Cassie:** We’re literally just going to get ice cream 

**LuckyLuci:** favorite brother?

**Cassie:** We only cuddle Anna

**TheBestNovak:** that’s a LIE I walked in on them once

**Cassie:** Did you notice that one of those people involved in sexual intimacy had very long red hair and a super curvy body because it wasn’t me and Dean it was my roommate you idiot. 

**banANNA:** Oh my god

**Driel:** I’m…. uncomfortable

**TheBestNovak:** SHIT!!!!

**LuckyLuci:** I don’t want to be involved in this.

**Cassie:** Neither do I but this is Gabriel’s fault.

**banANNA:** Well.,. I have to go run errands for dad….

**Driel:** I have homework

**LuckyLuci:** I just don’t want to be here I’m leaving

**Cassie:** yeah I have a date so bye, again.

* * *

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**Cassie:** Did you know that Gabriel still insists he’s walked in on me and Dean having sexual intercourse even though I know he keeps walking in on my roommate.

**LittleMoose:** FUVK 

**LittleMoose:** You guys never do the diddly do right?

**BigMoose:** I feel, awkward

**TheBestNovak:** nO THEY PROBABLY DO AND CAS SHUT THE FUCK UP

**Cassie:** No we don’t.

**Nerd:** tag urself I’m “FUVK”

**Masters:** I’m “the diddly do”

**JoJo:** I’m just, all of Gabriel.

**JoJo:** nO NO WAIT IM SPECIFICALLY “I FEEL, AWKWARD”

**BigMoose:** Please can we stop talking

**LittleMoose:** yes please

**TheBestNovak:** Technically, we’re not talking we’re texting

**BigMoose:** Catch these hands you fiend

**Nerd:** fuvk

**Masters:** fuVk

**LittleMoose:** I don’t need this abuse yall

**JoJo:** YALL!

**Nerd:** Y A L L 

**Masters:** Hi Yall.

**BigMoose:** Lmao Sam where are you from the South?

**LittleMoose:** tECHNICALLLY YES YOU FUXKIN GASSHOLE GO AWAY

**Masters:** tag urself im “you fuxkin gasshole” 

**Cassie:** I’m, “tECHNICALLY”

**TheBestNovak:** I’m “Lmao Sam where are you from the South?”

**Nerd:** awe you all took the good ones

**Nerd:** I’m Me.

**Masters:** lame

**Nerd:** Fuvk.

**LittleMoose:** lEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!

**TheBestNovak:** Anyway are we gonna get back to the discussion of how Cas and Dean are lying 

**Masters:** No because you’re the only one obsessed with their sex life

**TheBestNovak:** no I’m not

**LittleMoose:** YES YOU ARE

**JoJo:** Yeah you are

**Nerd:** ye u r idiot

**Masters:** Lmao yes you are

**BigMoose:** YES U R

**Cassie:** Um, yeah, you are

**TheBestNovak:** wow that was amazing you all sent that at the same time

**TheBestNovak:** do it again

**JoJo:** Oh fuvk off

**LittleMoose:** Please, dont make that A Thing

**Masters:** clam dwon 

**BigMoose:** OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHIRST

**Nerd:** oh for the love of chirst

**BigMoose:** FUVK!!!

**JoJo:** nice, i like that you keep up with that

**BigMoose:** thanks

**TheBestNovak:** oh for the love of chirst stop lying u 2

**Nerd:** stop I don’t care about their sex life

**BigMoose:** oh god its a thing now,

**Masters:** yeah you creep 

**TheBestNovak:** THIS WHOLE CHAT IS A CHATROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD SEX 

**LittleMoose:** *coughs*

**TheBestNovak:** except sam

**BigMoose:** Yeah I could make a joke about that

**LittleMoose:** January 4th, 2007

**BigMoose:** jk

**Masters:** I will ignore that right now in favor of yelling at Gabriel

**TheBestNovak:** Wait, no

**Masters:** Gabriel literally stop being a creep yes we are all Sinners who have had The Sex (sam excluded) many times without being Married first but like,,,, discussing their sex life would just be awkward

**TheBestNovak:** oh, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. 

**Masters:** and now, the uncensored version

**TheBestNovak:** fuvk no

**Masters:** bITCH I WILL CUT UR HAIR OFF STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR SEX LIFE ITS CREEPY YOU’RE CREEPY AND THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS BC WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN PUT UP WITH UR GOT DAMB CRAP!!!

**TheBestNovak:** please dont hit me

**Masters:** binch you’re lucky I’m too lazy to get outta bed right now

**LittleMoose:** Um, 

**Cassie:** Well,,,

**TheBestNovak:** ???

**Cassie:** nevermind.

**TheBestNovak:** cASTIEL ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK UR SAYIN

**Cassie:** no I said nevermind, you know what nevermind means

**TheBestNovak:** CAS

**Masters:** leave it Gabriel

**TheBestNovak:** In the interest of keeping my ass attatched to my fucking body I’m going to drop this

**Nerd:** goat damb thank you

**JoJo:** goat?

**Nerd:** Goat. Damb. Thank. You.

**JoJo:** Just making sure I read that right

**Nerd:** okay well you did

**BigMoose:** Anyway, we have a date, so bye.

**Masters:** good luck on ur date

**Nerd:** LOVE YOU GUYS STAY SAFE DONT GET HIT BY CARS

**JoJo:** everyone gather in the livingroom we need to have a talk

**TheBestNovak:** me too?

**LittleMoose:** I’m a little far.

**BigMoose:** No we’re not coming.

**JoJo:** Idiots I meant the people living in this damn apartment

**BigMoose:** Good.

**Nerd:** I love you guys,,, this may be the last time I ever talk to you,,,, tell my mother I love her

**Masters:** Goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao okay so last chapter I had no idea who would be joining the fam but now I know so its all good guys.   
> Also, I had fun writing up this chapter just bc I really love Cas. Like a Lot. He's a small child guys. And I love writing the Novak fam arguing a lot (as in: not arguing really really angrily just like sibling arguing)  
> Altho Idk if siblings argue like that I'm an only child.  
> Um I surprisingly don't have a lot to say about this? It's been sitting in my docs since I posted the last chapter and today I was like "I need to finish this its been too long" so here it is.   
> I need to go write something like, real for once. I wanna post a story here but first I gotta like write it lol.  
> Also why is Gabriel being weird as fuck about Dean and Cas? Because,,, I thought it'd be funny that he's being weird about it. Really, if Sam wasn't in the chat the conversation would have been slightly different but Gabe's being oblivious asfuck here.  
> Anyway please comment about anything, I love comments.


	22. #Tody

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**BigMoose:** guys we figured it out

**Masters:** what

**Nerd:** ???

**BigMoose:** So, Meg is basically Meredith, because shes drunk a lot and sleeps around a lot

**Masters:** not true I’m sober right now and I’m more careful

**BigMoose:** thats true… but still…. U meredith

**Cassie:** Gabriel is Michael because he’s offensive but everyone would sob if you left

**TheBestNovak:** you better fucking sob if I leave you’re my goddamn brother

**BigMoose:** Jo, you’re Angela because you’re straight and neat and shit

**JoJo:** Oh come on but she’s the cat lady and she’s way too fucking Christian for me

**Cassie:** and Charlie you’d be Erin because you’re cute even tho you can be clueless sometimes

**Nerd:** I.. thank you?

**Masters:** and who tf are you two bitches

**Nerd:** wait I wanna be Fem!Oscar, because he’s gay and I’m gay. This isn’t fair change me

**BigMoose:** I thought it was obvious? We’re Jim and Pam? Because we’re the perfect couple?

**Masters:** oh fuck me goodbye I hate you two

**Cassie:** sorry Charlie you’re more of Erin

**Nerd:** are you calling me fucking stupid

**Nerd:** square up little man

**Cassie:** I’m bigger than you?

**BigMoose:** Charlie but Erin’s also cute

**TheBestNovak:** wait wait wait, who is who

**BigMoose:** Idk I like to think that me and Cas are collectively the Halperts. 

**JoJo:** This is a lie, Cas is definitely like Toby or something - awkward

**Cassie:** what?

**Masters:** Dean is definitely Andy because he likes women but he sort of likes men too and he’s all around dumb

**BigMoose:** WOW TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL

**Nerd:** Does this mean we’re shipping Toby and Andy now? What’s their ship name?

**Masters:** Tody

**JoJo:** TODY!!!

**Nerd:** #Tody I ship it

**BigMoose:** okay fuck you all we were just trying to make some jokes after crying about the last episode but OKAY

**JoJo:** Fuck off

**TheBestNovak:** you come into MY HOUSE you tell me that I am MICHAEL SCOTT well THEY NE YOU CAN FUCI OFF!!!

**Nerd:** where did the English go in the middle of that text

**Nerd:** but still, I agree, 

**LittleMoose:** WHO AM I WHO AM I?????

**BigMoose:** You’re Dwight because you fact check the shit out of everyone and are all around annoying and piss me (as Jim) off a lot

**LittleMoose:** FUCK YOU DEAN

**TheBestNovak:** Lmao I think Mikey is like Stanley because for the most part he doesn’t want anything to do with this fam but also he has his funny moments

**Masters:** so what you’re saying is that at some point sam is going to cause mikey a heart attack

**Nerd:** I see Sam as more of a Ryan tbh

**LittleMoose:** fine FINE I get it I’m an asshole 

**JoJo:** Yeah but it makes sense if you’re Ryan because then you’re the young asshole

**Masters:** at least with Ryan you’d have a super nice job for .03 seconds

**LittleMoose:** thanks but who’s my Kelly

**BigMoose:** JESS

**Cassie:** Lucifer is probably like, Creed

**TheBestNovak:** I was going to protest but tbh I see Lucy as Creed 

**JoJo:** Who’s Jan

**LittleMoose:** wait a minute...

**TheBestNovak:** Anna

**BigMoose:** @ sam no

**Cassie:** I… I don’t think our sister would be Jan.

**Cassie:** Anna is more of a…

**Cassie:** Holly…

**LittleMoose:** Jess in my grade?

**BigMoose:** no the Jess in my grade. Yes of course the jess in your grade idiot

**LittleMoose:** I DONT LIKE HER!!!

**TheBestNovak:** please our sister would never marry and/or have children with Michael

**BigMoose:** yes you do stuf

**LittleMoose:** damn I would hope not isnt that incest

**BigMoose:** OH MY GOD SAM

**Masters:** TECHNICALLY NO SAM BUT ALSO THEYRE TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL SCOTT OHMYFUCKING GOD IM DYING

**Cassei:** I’m telling michael

**LittleMoose:** sHIT NO PLEASE DONT SPARE ME

**TheBestNovak:** I THINK I JUST PISSED MY PANTS

**Nerd:** I DEFINITELY PISSED MY PANTS

**JoJo:** aHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PERFECT NOW I GOTTA GO TO WORK

**LittleMoose has left the conversation**

**BigMoose:** omfg glorious day its about time

**TheBestNovak:** cool the twerp has left the building lets get serious

**TheBestNovak:** How was your date the other day

**BigMoose:** Me and Cas got kicked out of the ice cream shop for having hardcore sex on the table

**Masters:** I JUST SPIT MY WATER ALL OVER ME

**TheBestNovak:** fOR REAL???

**Cassie:** no not for real you fucking idiot

**Nerd:** Omg cas just Cursed

**Cassie:** I can’t believe you Gabriel Novak oh my god

**BigMoose:** no for real tho it was pretty good I guess

**Cassie:** you guess??

**BigMoose:** stop im downplaying.,,,,,

**Cassie:** You better be

**Masters:** Damn Cas is out for blood

* * *

**LittleMoose >>>>BigMoose**

**LittleMoose:** I regret my decision add me back to the chat

**BigMoose:** shhh little one the grownups are talking

**LittleMoose:** ADD ME BACK!!!

**BigMoose has deleted the conversation**

* * *

 

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**BigMoose:** Please dont cas I like like you

**Nerd:** Cas guess what,

**Cassie:** what

**Nerd:** Cas I like like you

**Cassie:** Thank you charlie I like Like you too

**Nerd:** Wait, like like or like Like?

**BigMoose:** oh for the love of chirst

**Nerd:** Cause there’s a difference

**TheBestNovak:** K but fr do you two just always cuddle or

**Cassie:** This makes me incredibly uncomfortable

**BigMoose:** What we do on our dates is none of your business Gabe and I’ll fight you for real

**Cassie:** Yeah you’re gonna have to catch his hands and trust me they’re heavy

**TheBestNovak:** ??? what the heck

**Masters:** power couple of the century. 

**TheBestNovak:** why would you know that

**Cassie:** Cause I hold them all the time  <3

**BigMoose:** I like you too cas..

**Cassie:** oh my god bye.

**Nerd:** wen u tri 2 b romantick   & ur boi wont do it bak

**Masters:** Honestly rip

**BigMoose:** Cas come back!

**BigMoose:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

**Cassie:** okay  <3

**Nerd:** okay gtg i got a class to catch

**Masters:** catch it with ur tiny fists

**Nerd:** I Will.

**TheBestNovak:** I’m just gonna leave, no real reason to but im going

**BigMoose:** <3

**Cassie:** <3 byeeee

**BigMoose:** I’ll be there in a few minutes!!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short and I apologize but I have two AP tests coming up in three weeks and I'm taking the SATs inbetween them so like I'm very much stressed at this moment and I had this sitting in my drive for a very long time so I just added some dean/cas fluff at the end because I needed it.   
> (also I just finished SKAM over my spring break last week and lowkey am still crying over evak and also my girls Noora Vilde and Sana just omfg <3333333 love them all so much pure human beings [thats a lie none of them are pure l m a o but i love them anyway])  
> Anyway I'm not sure when I'll update or when chapters will be longer again but beware that for a while I may update with tiny chapters, I sometimes need to just let off steam but I dont have enough time to do it all between stress. Sorry that I disappeared for a while! Hope you enjoyed please leave comments!!! <3


	23. We Need to Talk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heatin' up between Jo, Meg, and Charlie (all in good-natured fun... we think?), but things take a turn for the worse as Sam tries to talk to Dean again, and Michael has something to say...

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**JoJo:** @ meg and charlie, where the Fuck is the ramen?

 **TheBestNovak:** *side eyes emoji*

 **Masters:** i dont know

 **BigMoose:** Gabe who are you

 **TheBestNovak:** shh, just watch the drama go down

 **Cassie:** Jo, don’t get to angry, just.. go get some more ramen yourself…

 **BigMoose:** I don’t think Jo wants to do that...

 **JoJo:** I WORK MY G O D D A M N ASS OFF ALL THE TIME JUST SO WE CAN FRIGGIN AFFORD TO LIVE HERE AND ALL I ASK. A L L I A S K IS THAT YALL LEAVE ME SOM GODDAMNNED RAMEN SO I CAN DROWN MY CUSTOMER SERVICE SORROWS IN THE SWEET SWEET TASTE OF SHRIMP RAMEN NOODLES WHEN I GET HOME.

 **Nerd:** IT WASNT ME

 **Masters:** Wow Jo I, didn’t realize you felt that way.

 **JoJo:** WHY ARENT YALL ANSWERING MY SCREAMS

 **Nerd:** IM IN CLASS RIGHT NOW

 **Masters:** I’m… busy.

 **JoJo:** OHHHH NO YOU GUYS ARENT

 **Nerd:** IM IN CLASS, SEE???

**Nerd has sent a photo**

**JoJo:** yOU SENT THAT TO ME AS STREAKS THIS MORNING BITCH

 **BigMoose:** oh god

 **Cassie:** this is… oh my

 **Masters:** Anyway I’m… busy

 **TheBestNovak:** AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

 **JoJo:** WHERE ARE YOU HIDING

 **Nerd:** IM NOT IN THE APARTMENT

 **JoJo:** WHERE ARE YOU

 **Masters:** Neither of us are there right now

 **Nerd:** WE’RE NOT HERE RIGHT NOW

 **JoJo:** HERE??? YOU’RE NOT H E R E ???

 **Masters:** fuck charlie we almost ffucking made it

* * *

  **LittleMoose >>>>BigMoose**

 **LittleMoose:** please let me back in?

 **BigMoose:** No.

 **LittleMoose:** please please please?

 **LittleMoose:** I feel like I’m missing something.

 **LittleMoose:** Dean?

 **LittleMoose:** Dean?

 **LittleMoose:** Dean?

 **BigMoose:** god shut UP sam not everything is about you.

**LittleMoose has deleted the conversation**

* * *

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**JoJo:** SOMEONE GO GET ME SOME FUCKING RAMEN RIGHT GODDAMN NOW OR ELSE

 **Masters:** or else What

 **JoJo:** OR

 **Cassie:** please someone just do it for the love of god

 **JoJo:** ELSE.

 **Masters:** if you cant find us then we’re not going

 **Nerd:** DONT MAKE HER TRY TO LOOK FOR US

 **JoJo:** Challenge fucking ACCEPTED

 **Nerd:** shit shit shit shtishit

 **BigMoose:** RIP charlie and meg, RIP

 **BigMoose:** yall were good friends while it lasted...

 **TheBestNovak:** Anyone wanna hear a good knock-knock joke?

 **Cassie:** not now.

 **TheBestNovak:** Knock knock!

 **BigMoose:** whos there

**TheBestNovak has added Michael to the conversation**

**TheBestNovak:** Michael!

 **BigMoose:** why the fuck would you do that

 **Michael:** Gabriel and Castiel, me and Lucifer are inviting you to our apartment for a serious discussion about the recent events in the Novak family household. Be there at 6 pm sharp.

 **Michael:** Remember whose brother you are speaking about, Dean Winchester.

**Michael has left the chatroom**

**JoJo:** Cant believe Dean’s gonna die.

 **Cassie:** Good job Dean, two seconds he was here.

 **BigMoose:** please don’t hate me.

 **TheBestNovak:** what do you think they wanna talk about

 **Cassie:** the adoption thing?

 **TheBestNovak:** I… dunno buddy.

 **Nerd:** this is so ominous, I feel creeped out.

 **Masters:** PLEASE let us know whats going down.

 **Cassie:** We can’t promise anything.

 **JoJo:** Okay I’ll forgo my ramen drama in light of recent events.

 **JoJo:** I hope everything is alright?

 **TheBestNovak:** I think everything will be alright…

 **Cassie:** Why did he ask us here?

 **TheBestNovak:** Ummm…

* * *

**TheBestNovak >>>>Michael**

**TheBestNovak:** What’s going on?

**TheBestNovak has added Cassie**

**Cassie:** Hey Michael, what happened?

 **Michael:** Did dad not tell you?

 **Cassie:** tell us what?

 **Michael:** Sammandriel’s birth father is suing for custody.

 **TheBestNovak:**  What the fuck??

 **Cassie:** Oh no

 **Cassie:** Why wouldn’t he tell us?

 **TheBestNovak:** Is Sammandriel okay?

 **Michael:** I’m not sure.

 **Cassie:** What the fuck do you mean you’re not sure?

 **Michael:** I haven’t spoken to him yet

 **TheBestNovak:** Well we’re gonna speak to him right fucking now,

 **Cassie:** Gabriel where are you?

 **TheBestNovak:** I’ll meet you at your dorm room

 **Cassie:** I’ll clear Jimmy and his girlfriend out

 **Michael:** I only found out yesterday…

 **Cassie:**  YESTERDAY?

 **TheBestNovak:** God, why are you so cold Michael?

**TheBestNovak has left the conversation**

**Cassie:** Wow, Michael.

 **Michael:** Please, I didn’t realize Castiel.

 **Michael:** Still come to our apartment tonight, okay? Me and Lucifer would like to talk to you two

 **Cassie:** Okay, whatever.

**Cassie has deleted the conversation**

* * *

**Fuckin’ Why??**

**JoJo:** Cas? Gabe?

 **BigMoose:** Cas has stopped answering me too…

 **BigMoose:** I don’t know if I should go over or not…

 **Cassie:** We’d appreciate it if you guys could step back for a couple of hours, me and Gabriel just need to deal with something first and then we’ll speak to you.

 **BigMoose:** Okay… mom’s calling me anyway.. I’ll talk to you guys in three hours haha..

 **Nerd:** I’m sorry for whatever is happening Cas and Gabe  <3

 **Masters:** ^^

 **Nerd:** Tell Mary we all said hi Dean

 **TheBestNovak:** Yeah… we’d appreciate some distance for the moment guys.

 **TheBestNovak:** Sorry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! Look how long it took me to bang this out (about two hours... really...)  
> I honestly did not think I would ever come back to this site but honestly? I missed it. I really did. Also I find myself incredibly hilarious, take that as you will.  
> I hope people are happy that I'm back? I hope people still want to read this series? I'm also thinking of starting a short story alongside this fic, to explore this problem with the Novak family.  
> I know this is supposed to be a crack fic, but I figured it'd be fine to add some angst in once in a while.  
> Thank you to all who come back to this fic, and thank you to all who have just joined. 
> 
> Side note: I dont think I've watched Supernatural since like the 3rd episode of season 13, I've fallen out of love with the show to be honest. (Not the actors or characters, just haven't enjoyed watching what the writers are thinking up.. prefer to explore these characters on my own) so the extent of my knowledge of what's happening in the show right now is limited. Sorry! Hope you'll still want to read what I have to post!

**Author's Note:**

> YIP YIP (I was literally just watching Avatar I'm re-visiting my childhood whoops)
> 
> So yeah that's the first chapter. OOOoooOOOoh what's this mystery Incident hmmm??  
> I'll let you in on a lil secret: I have no fucking clue. Idk. I really really don't know. I'm running on four hours of sleep haha I don't even fucking know if any of this makes sense. It's a crack fic tho so who cares!!!  
> Hope yall enjoyed my crack :-))
> 
> Also PS: As you can see I just put [image] for the picture because I am No Artist™ and can not draw for my life :-)  
> If any of you guys are Artists™ and would like to draw some pictures for me message me on here or my Instagram @pickledmess  
> That'll probably mean that you'll get the parts of the chapter before other people too if that's an incentive. (and OF COURSE you would get credit as previously stated I am No Artist™ , but I'm also Not That Much Of An Asshole™ so)  
> If not, then yall are gonna all have to put on your Imagination Caps™ and think about Sam with tampons shoved up his nose.  
> Omg I keep using the ™ symbol someone stop me.  
> I'm going now bye


End file.
